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Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
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Holiday Posts
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Topic: Holiday Posts (Read 594 times)
Oliolioxenfree
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Posts: 107
Holiday Posts
«
on:
December 22, 2013, 09:29:55 PM »
Since it is the holidays, and A lot of us struggle with the absence of our BPD partners. Some of us are still grieving, some of us are pretty much out of the fog and others are in a transitional state. Whatever state we are in,v(I feel like I am pretty far along in my healing now which feels so wonderful!) I wanted to start a post where other members can posts stories of POSITIVE things.
Whatever you think is positive about something youve learned or observed. Hell even if its that you learned your ex and your replacements new relationship went down the toilet. If you think its positive, then post it. I thought maybe since it is the holidays we can give each other some encouragement.
I personally felt a little nostalgic a few days ago remembering how I used to s[end xmas with my BPDexbf, now hes spending it with the woman he replaced me for. Hes disappeared from my life and we have absolutely no contact so I cant even conjecture what hes up to. it was really hard for me to get over initially and i felt like I would die. However, ten months later and Ive really learned from this whole thing. ive changed my mindset, upped my boundaries, heed red flags and Im damn proud of who i have become. In some twisted way I owe him a thank you for transforming my life and helping me get my self esteem back.
Anyway , Id love to hear postive stories about what has happened in your lives that has been positive. and again feel free to post stories of them being worse to the replacement because we love those stories too
happy holidays everyone, make it one of your most memorable and celebrate that theyve set you free.
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necchi
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Posts: 376
Re: Holiday Posts
«
Reply #1 on:
December 22, 2013, 09:42:20 PM »
Well, in September, 2 months after the b/u, she sent me an e-mail saying" on my birthday you will burn in hell !" her birthday was yesterday,the 21... .
I'm still here,no flames, no visit from beyond
! That's something positive!
haha!
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fromheeltoheal
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642
Re: Holiday Posts
«
Reply #2 on:
December 22, 2013, 09:46:16 PM »
Quote from: Oliolioxenfree on December 22, 2013, 09:29:55 PM
However, ten months later and Ive really learned from this whole thing. ive changed my mindset, upped my boundaries, heed red flags and Im damn proud of who i have become. In some twisted way I owe him a
thank you
for transforming my life and helping me get my self esteem back.
Yes! Me too, and good for us! At this point in my detachment I see her as a wake-up call, one I sorely needed; I was not in a good place when she showed up, very lonely and susceptible, of my own doing, and going into a relationship with the wrong person with that mindset will get you screwed, but the pain has been a godsend, and this last year has been a major growth spurt, long time coming, but thanks BPD, you sped me up.
This is the second Christmas without her, and although I was off-center last Christmas, it was at least relaxing, someone had swept up the eggshells. This Christmas is one of big growth in a different way: there are certain people we're supposed ot spend the Holidays with, usually because we're related to them by blood, and there's an obligation. I feel that sense of obligation, but those people are not what I call 'family', the people I'm emotionally close to and I feel safe and supported being vulnerable around. So I'm spending this Christmas with the folks I want to, not the ones I'm 'supposed' to, and the attempts at guilt trips and mind games I've gotten from relatives around my decision has just solidified it. And I have my borderline to thank for that, a crash course in death to the people pleaser and construction of good boundaries. Hallelujah! It's almost a brand new year... .
Merry Christmas peeps, if you believe like that, but Happy Holidays regardless!
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TheDude
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 227
Re: Holiday Posts
«
Reply #3 on:
December 22, 2013, 11:34:08 PM »
I've been expecting this time of year to be one of those milestone things to get through. The first 'holiday season' in 8 years not together, but also the one years mark of the last parting (one week after New Years). I can't say it's all warm and fuzzy right now, but it ain't all bad.
I feel calm. Confident. In control. No bracing for another shoe to drop. Peace.
And my financial situation is 1000% better, too.
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arn131arn
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: living apart
Posts: 826
Re: Holiday Posts
«
Reply #4 on:
December 22, 2013, 11:50:50 PM »
Quote from: TheDude on December 22, 2013, 11:34:08 PM
I've been expecting this time of year to be one of those milestone things to get through. The first 'holiday season' in 8 years not together, but also the one years mark of the last parting (one week after New Years). I can't say it's all warm and fuzzy right now, but it ain't all bad.
I feel calm. Confident. In control. No bracing for another shoe to drop. Peace.
And my financial situation is 1000% better, too.
Thanks dude. Gives me hope! Been a week for me, 1st x mas without her in 14 years.
Although she will be at my sister's house x mas day, I will act as if she does not or never did exist. Even though I am dying inside!
Anyway, been replaced, I imagine them snuggled up by a fireplace, listening to x mas songs... .oh, well... .A new year is coming up and I have allot to look forward to with a new school/career path in August.
My AA sponsor told me today "We only have one life to live. Live it to the fullest. If I continue to stay sober, lead a decent life without her, know myself, and become stronger because of this, I will be able to recreate my life and plan a future... .unfortunately for her, she's not going to be a part of it... ."
Thanks and happy holidays ya'll ya'll have been a blessing the past week
PS My least favorite x mas song right now is "All I want for x mas is you!" Maybe because Wham sang it I dunno... .BAhhhhhh Humbug!
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DragoN
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Re: Holiday Posts
«
Reply #5 on:
December 23, 2013, 08:48:04 AM »
Excerpt
happy holidays everyone, make it one of your most memorable and celebrate that theyve set you free.
Thank you oliolioxenfree.
This Christmas you got your divorce,
All those years of screaming at me hoarse
Fiiiinally, now you are free,
Freeee, Freeee, Freee of meeeee.
( WHAM, Last Christmas)
~ considering that he blamed me for ruining his life. He won't miss me that now I am gone.
Xmas party at GF's house and made incense that will stink the place up like a drafty cathedral, Frankincense, Myrrh etc.etc. She's looking forward to it.
Merry Christmas!
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RecycledNoMore
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 457
Re: Holiday Posts
«
Reply #6 on:
December 23, 2013, 04:55:44 PM »
Merry xmas everybody!
I too am realising " the gift" of knowing the pwBPD, I came to realise that I have my own issues, codependancy trying to " fix" everything, I am taking a good look inwards, sometimes its uncomfortable, but I dont feel as if I need to stuff my emotions down anymore I can feel them, process them and let them go... I am learning more stratigies everyday, Im so much more aware now than I have ever been in my life, 5 months broken up from pwBPD, 1 mnth N/C, some strange txts from an unknown number, but they havent affected me like I thought they would
When I first came to bpdfamily, I was a jibbering mess, I felt so broken and could see no end to the pain, id wake up in the morning and dread the days...
Today I can see a future, a light that gets brighter everyday, sure sometimes im sad or angry or missing the illusion of love, but thanks to the advice and people here, I just know im going to be ok.
My family are happy and well
I have just become a qualified welder first stages of more qualifications but im proud as punch I can do it!
Im going to visit my sister over new year, parties, meeting new people, house by the crystal blue sea ( the sea is my fav place on earth)
I am finding myself
I just want to say thank you to you all at BPD family, I read every post, I hear your stories, I laugh and cry alongside you all
Merry xmas from new zealand xxxxoo
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LilMissSunshine
Formerly Breslin
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 252
Re: Holiday Posts
«
Reply #7 on:
December 23, 2013, 05:09:39 PM »
marinro7... .you freaking crack me up.
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love4meNOTu
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 529
Re: Holiday Posts
«
Reply #8 on:
December 23, 2013, 05:13:42 PM »
Quote from: recycledNOmore on December 23, 2013, 04:55:44 PM
Merry xmas everybody!
I too am realising " the gift" of knowing the pwBPD, I came to realise that I have my own issues, codependancy trying to " fix" everything, I am taking a good look inwards, sometimes its uncomfortable, but I dont feel as if I need to stuff my emotions down anymore I can feel them, process them and let them go... I am learning more stratigies everyday, Im so much more aware now than I have ever been in my life, 5 months broken up from pwBPD, 1 mnth N/C, some strange txts from an unknown number, but they havent affected me like I thought they would
When I first came to bpdfamily, I was a jibbering mess, I felt so broken and could see no end to the pain, id wake up in the morning and dread the days...
Today I can see a future, a light that gets brighter everyday, sure sometimes im sad or angry or missing the illusion of love, but thanks to the advice and people here, I just know im going to be ok.
My family are happy and well
I have just become a qualified welder first stages of more qualifications but im proud as punch I can do it!
Im going to visit my sister over new year, parties, meeting new people, house by the crystal blue sea ( the sea is my fav place on earth)
I am finding myself
I just want to say thank you to you all at BPD family, I read every post, I hear your stories, I laugh and cry alongside you all
Merry xmas from new zealand xxxxoo
Oh my gosh recyclednomore... you are from a place I have always wanted to visit. I'm in Ohio, but have been a huge Neil Finn/ Split Enz/ Crowded house fan for 20 years. One of these days I am going to get to New Zealand!
Yes, we are going to be ok, in time.
Someone else, unfortunately, will be dealing with our person with BPD.
I was thinking about last year this same time... .and we were trying to manage some of my x's problems with his son. (drug abuse, only 16, and treating my husband horribly). On Christmas night the son took off with his 15 year old girlfriend after taking some $$ from the relatives (basically just had his hand out then left) and went to the "movies". That night, he got his gf pregnant. At 15 years old.
I really couldn't understand why my husband just let him leave that night. Especially knowing that he had $$ in his pocket. All my x said was "what can I do about it?".
I'm so glad I don't have to feel helpless about that situation anymore. It's not my problem.
This year, it's me and my boys. I've got lots of things planned to keep us busy and well fed. I have so much to be thankful for this year. I am out of a horrible, abusive marriage, and my kids and I love each other dearly.
Thank you God for all your gifts this year. Especially the gift of awareness. I am truly blessed, and no longer blind.
L
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In the depth of winter I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus
RecycledNoMore
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 457
Re: Holiday Posts
«
Reply #9 on:
December 23, 2013, 05:45:21 PM »
Oh my gosh recyclednomore... you are from a place I have always wanted to visit. I'm in Ohio, but have been a huge Neil Finn/ Split Enz/ Crowded house fan for 20 years. One of these days I am going to get to New Zealand!
Yes, we are going to be ok, in time.
Someone else, unfortunately, will be dealing with our person with BPD.
I was thinking about last year this same time... .and we were trying to manage some of my x's problems with his son. (drug abuse, only 16, and treating my husband horribly). On Christmas night the son took off with his 15 year old girlfriend after taking some $$ from the relatives (basically just had his hand out then left) and went to the "movies". That night, he got his gf pregnant. At 15 years old.
I really couldn't understand why my husband just let him leave that night. Especially knowing that he had $$ in his pocket. All my x said was "what can I do about it?".
I'm so glad I don't have to feel helpless about that situation anymore. It's not my problem.
This year, it's me and my boys. I've got lots of things planned to keep us busy and well fed. I have so much to be thankful for this year. I am out of a horrible, abusive marriage, and my kids and I love each other dearly.
Thank you God for all your gifts this year. Especially the gift of awareness. I am truly blessed, and no longer blind.
L[/quote]
Woohoo! One of my favs is " what it means", crowded house I think, I dance around like a complete weirdo and my daughter thinks im crazy!, come on down to n.z its a beautiful place with down to earth people, I am blessed to have grown up here
Xxxx huggs Lyn
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RecycledNoMore
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Posts: 457
Re: Holiday Posts
«
Reply #10 on:
December 23, 2013, 06:00:49 PM »
Hay love4
... .just listened to that song I mentioned actually called " mean to me" by crowded house
First lines of the song...
She came all the way from America
She had a blind date with destiny... .
Anybody believe in signs hmmm
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Oliolioxenfree
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Posts: 107
Re: Holiday Posts
«
Reply #11 on:
December 23, 2013, 09:06:12 PM »
Such good posts.
We are all really blessed to have experienced the perceived hell on earth only to find, we have a light at the end of the tunnel so much brighter than it would have ever been had we not met them
Happy holidays to everyone at BPD family , I hope this year you find the clarity and wisdom to see these experiences for what they are and that's lessons from the universe.
I have a feeling 2014 is going to be a wonderful year for all of us that have finally gotten free.
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Mutt
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Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
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Re: Holiday Posts
«
Reply #12 on:
December 24, 2013, 11:47:48 AM »
This is the first Christmas without the ex in 8 years. I don't get the kids tomorrow, but I get them on the 26th and that'll be
my
Christmas Day with the kids. I don't feel sad that I won't be with them this year, I see it as the first Christmas of many happier ones without the ex. This is after she has spent the last couple of days sending me hateful and blaming e-mails. Christmas is about the kids.
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"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
love4meNOTu
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 529
Re: Holiday Posts
«
Reply #13 on:
December 24, 2013, 04:58:34 PM »
Quote from: recycledNOmore on December 23, 2013, 06:00:49 PM
Hay love4
... .just listened to that song I mentioned actually called " mean to me" by crowded house
First lines of the song...
She came all the way from America
She had a blind date with destiny... .
Anybody believe in signs hmmm
OH my word recycled... .that's one of my favorites.
And thanks... I could use a good sign right now.
Blessings to you down there in NZ girl.
Lyn
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In the depth of winter I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus
Waifed
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Re: Holiday Posts
«
Reply #14 on:
December 24, 2013, 05:45:39 PM »
Merry Christmas to all. This is my first Christmas with a clear head in 3 years and my children will benefit the most. I am thankful that I have chosen to take the steps to make me a healthier person mentally and physically. The pain has mostly subsided, but some memories still linger. I am especially thankful that I have reached the point that I realize any thoughts of reconciliation would be pointless and silly. My anger has subsided and I am slowly beginning to look towards the future. Although I am not completely out of the woods I can see the light.
I don't know how I would have done this without the support of everyone on this website. It may sound like a cliche but it has truly saved my life. Thank you all! Keep your heads up and know that there is enough love on this site to carry us all to a better life. We have one life to live and it is going to be a great ride ahead for all of us because we are survivors. Not only are we survivors, we are all selfless individuals with so much love to give. Our future partners will be so blessed to have us come into their lives.
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Naddred369
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Re: Holiday Posts
«
Reply #15 on:
December 24, 2013, 06:19:17 PM »
Merry Christmas bpdfamily!
Its the second christmas shes ruined and its final this time.
It hurts, alot.
BUT.
I have my beloved daughter staying with me and im relaxed and safe.
Things will get better... .for all of us.
STAY POSITIVE!
Hope,hugs,peace to you all.
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