HOW does replacing so quickly actually work?

[damage control]

I have been wondering HOW it is possible to have somebody lined up so quickly ... .I don't know about you all but for myself, it's not only a matter of not feeling up to a new person in my life, it's also that I don't meet people that I click with very often.

I know that my ex had a long period of time (about 10 years) where he didn't significantly connect with any women - its the main reason that he jumped into the r/s with the ex before me ... but, at the moment, he has at least my replacement plus one or two other women he talks to online - he says that he is not interested sexually ... but ... why bother having these people around then? ... .HOW do you replace one person with another ... I want to know because I want to do it to.

[arn131arn]

DC,

Something I have noticed as the FOG isjust beginning to clear... .Not totally clear, but i can count my fingers when I put them inches away from my face.

What I am almost certain to is that they have had them a while.  They were emotionally cheating to see what could be there.

Why else would there be nothing of me on her fb page after 14 years... .nothing

[damage control]

Hi Arn

Mine was cheating, emotionally or otherwise with my replacement - they went on a first date the night he dumped me - they met online and had only been in contact a short time ... I am positive that he had been fishing/talking to other women but it really did/does seem like anybody will do, as long as they are in the general arena of being an OK person.

I wonder if it is an age thing as well ... there seems to be a gazillion 40-something women out there looking ... it's a smorgasbord ... .I just don't understand it though ...

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Picture not being attached to someone. Would it be easy for you to move on? You were attached. He was not! Nothing to do with you. he just made it seem like he was attached which allowed you to attach to him.  He just can't attach... .most likely.

[love4meNOTu]

It's online.

Otherwise, they've been cheating on us. For quite a while.

It's also called... ahem... .taking what's offered. Being so desperately needy to fill the hole inside of you with someone... anyone... .anyone at all... .

Personally? I wouldn't date someone or get engaged to someone who was just divorced. But hey, takes all kinds I guess. She can have him. Let's hope he hasn't yelled at her yet and ruined her Christmas.

Just a matter of time tho... .

L

[arn131arn]

Hi Arn

Mine was cheating, emotionally or otherwise with my replacement - they went on a first date the night he dumped me - they met online and had only been in contact a short time ... I am positive that he had been fishing/talking to other women but it really did/does seem like anybody will do, as long as they are in the general arena of being an OK person.

I wonder if it is an age thing as well ... there seems to be a gazillion 40-something women out there looking ... it's a smorgasbord ... .I just don't understand it though ...

DC, mine was the innocent little catholic school girl (literally sometimes  ).  But bring up the fb page, male friends, triangulating with her enablers, orbiters, and well, her belief in baby Jesus, would be shaken to the core of the earth.

Sick, sick, sick in so many ways

[love4meNOTu]

You know something, I've been on facebook for years, and not one of the guys I'm friends with on there has ever tried to get with me.

I'm a little insulted now! 

Anyone have any ideas on what I need to post to get some attention?

How about this "crazy, broken hearted female with new sports car desperately seeks attention from any male on here that is willing to help her get said car out of snowbank?"

L

[Moonie75]

Next time someone puts me through triangulation, they'll be put through strangulation!

I've got three years of relentless cr@p & abuse running through my mind & soul. So if they don't believe me, they're welcome to try me!

[Moonie75]

You know something, I've been on facebook for years, and not one of the guys I'm friends with on there has ever tried to get with me.

I'm a little insulted now! 

Anyone have any ideas on what I need to post to get some attention?

"I'll take you & your drinking buddies! And I'll do things you've never even seen in porn!"

That's BPD man pulling sort of fb talk!

Personally Love4Me, I'd be flattered your male friends respect your friendship with integrity & sincerity! Good for you for attracting the right kind of fb friends.

[love4meNOTu]

Eh moonie, I know you are right.

Seriously, if I wasn't so irritated with the whole situation it might even be funny.

Ex husband has new fiancee 56 days after our divorce. Talk about ridiculous... sounds like a life set up for a wondrous love story, does it not?

Impulsivity, he's got the corner on that market.

Poor girl won't know what's hit her until after she says her vows, and then the interrogation will begin. It's torture, pure torture being with him.

Oh and that other porn thing... .I'm not sure I have the flexibility.

Thanks for the laugh, I needed it!

[Moonie75]

Oh and that other porn thing... .I'm not sure I have the flexibility.

Thanks for the laugh, I needed it!

PwBPD employ phone sex to its outer limits too.

So not all hope's lost! 

[Moonie75]

The bpdfamily Police will be along now to tell me off!

Just like the old days!

[necchi]

Stay away from dating sites though,those ar PD hives!

[love4meNOTu]

Stay away from dating sites though,those ar PD hives!

Are you serious?

Oh no... .closing okcupid account now.

That's the last thing I need. UGH.

[Moonie75]

Stay away from dating sites though,those ar PD hives!

Agreed. That's where my ex advertised her services within hours of me busting her drinking with her congregation of male disciples!

The Pope puts a gown on to attend his followers... .A BPD takes there's off to do it!

[Moonie75]

I reckon you'll spot a BPD profile easily on a dating site.





It's had more hits than The Beatles!

[Turkish]

 mine met hers was a bouncer at the local gay club.  She told me they exchanged numbers g for work purposes. I  told her that was inappropriate and that he was after one thing.  She accused me of not letting her he'd make friends ( ridiculous, I  never objected before to get work  make friends  whom I deemed safe).  She's stated the emotional affair,  jumped into physical about the time she told me we were over. I  found out about it two weeks later.  calls  him  Love... .  She never called me that,  and I  did all sorts of stuff a guy like that would never do.  no matter.  he made her feel like a  schoolgirl again,  and once she consciously associated me with her father  and abandonment.  She did it to me in reality.  She became her two worst fears,  abandoning and cheating.  her third worst fear is being alone,  but that's easy to medicate.  the current guy  is a  narcissistic man boy,  like the two previous to me.  it's shallow,  but easy to have the teen  love dynamic  if there is no commitment and responsibility ( and therefore no stress).

[Perfidy]

Quote from the ex... ." the best way to get over a man is to get under another one" I sh|t you not.

[DragoN]

The Pope puts a gown on to attend his followers... .A BPD takes there's off to do it!

   

heeheeheeee

Horrible but true.

... .HOW do you replace one person with another ... I want to know because I want to do it to.

I don't know and don't want to. And at the same time, How do affairs start? Triangulation without the PD factor? Needs in the r/s going unmet? Who knows? It's not exactly uncommon.

It's online.

The online world of dating, fb and all the other crap. Married wo/men looking for affairs, all kinds of garbage. The PD's playground. Egh. Funny that my exH was paranoid about fb. But early on had found his adultfriendfinder acct. And a few others. Real prizes he kept in his favorite folder he can have them, Merry Christmas.

Quote from the ex... ." the best way to get over a man is to get under another one" I sh|t you not.

That was bandied about moons ago, but I prefer chocolate.

[caughtnreleased]

You know something, I've been on facebook for years, and not one of the guys I'm friends with on there has ever tried to get with me.

I'm a little insulted now! 

Anyone have any ideas on what I need to post to get some attention?

How about this "crazy, broken hearted female with new sports car desperately seeks attention from any male on here that is willing to help her get said car out of snowbank?"

L

So after meeting my pwBPD, I started to do some experimenting with behaviour. I usually was really conservative with my facebook posts, but then I decided I would start bragging about my accomplishments.  Something I NEVER used to do.  It's normally not something I do because it actually doesn't give me any satisfaction.  Anyway, certain men started messaging me, once I started to do this.  But the people who seemed interested in my bragging have some serious BPD or Narc traits (I know enough about them from mutual friends who tell me about their troubled relationships  So, while I did get more attention, it was from the wrong people, and in the end I was kind of disgusted by their superficiality.  Because their attention would wane if I did not continue with the bragging. Just imagine the effort you then have to put in to "keep" these losers interested.  It did give me a bit of a powertrip, because then I could reject these guys... .hehe! But that's really the only satisfaction I got from it: giving the cold shoulder to pwBPD   it gets kind of boring after a while.

Anyway, I feel a whole thread could be started on social network behaviour and pwBPD.  It's pretty fascinating, and there are more and more studies coming out about what online behaviour says about people.  It truly is rather revealing.  

[love4meNOTu]

Quote from the ex... ." the best way to get over a man is to get under another one" I sh|t you not.

This literally made my stomach turn. So that's what my ex husband thought? ... .but that doesn't explain why he became engaged. It's one thing to (retch  ) sleep with another woman, but getting engaged just seems like overkill.

It's not my place to judge him or her. He's not my responsibility anymore.

Whether he met her online or IRL, my marriage is over. God has other plans for me.

L

[caughtnreleased]

 calls  him  Love... .  She never called me that,  and I  did all sorts of stuff a guy like that would never do. 

Another recurring theme with pwBPD, is that they seem to give the "replacement" things they denied the "replaced".  I've read accounts about some being with them forever but never being acknowledged on facebook, only to be replaced and suddenly the BPD's facebook is overflowing with their "new" relationship.  Would you say this again is more manipulation?

My ex who was not on facebook, also had a similar type of behaviour and I witnessed him do it to his ex girlfriend who he left, many times actually... .He once was on the phone with her, and he was telling her about an upcoming vacation he and I were planning together   (at that point I was the replacement).  I sensed an awkwardness from him, and when he hung up I asked him what it was about.  He responded that (in the 5 years they were together) she had always wanted to go on vacation with him but they'd never been able to agree on one together, and it had been a contentious issue in their relationship.  He then did the same to me when I got replaced. He wrote to me about this amazing trip he was planning with his new fiancé going to feed little orphans in india.    At least I had taken vacation with him and knew what it was all about... .perhaps the worst moments were when we took vacation. Once we had a very close call when he blamed me for almost driving over a cliff with the both of us in the car because we were fighting over who picks the music... .It was the worst two weeks of my life.

[Perfidy]

Ya,well people, when someone takes freedom and gives it up immediately, what does that do for them. She's bound! I choose freedom.

[damage control]

Reading the responses here (as well as the other threads over the past month or so) I am honestly wondering if any of us weren't inappropriately replaced ... is there ANYONE whose ex didn't either have a replacement lined up or find one within hours/days/weeks?

Anyone?

[Turkish]

Reading the responses here (as well as the other threads over the past month or so) I am honestly wondering if any of us weren't inappropriately replaced ... is there ANYONE whose ex didn't either have a replacement lined up or find one within hours/days/weeks?

Anyone?

Bueller?

it would probably help to ask this question as a new thread as the people responding are likely to have been replaced before the pwBPD left.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Reading the responses here (as well as the other threads over the past month or so) I am honestly wondering if any of us weren't inappropriately replaced ... is there ANYONE whose ex didn't either have a replacement lined up or find one within hours/days/weeks?

Anyone?

My bet would be that 99.9 % do have replacements before they leave. They just would not leave before its secured. It is part and parcel to the disorder. They cannot under any circumstances be alone. If someone said their ex didn't I would then question if they actually knew the truth.

My ex was cheating on me and left for her and after talking to a friend of his family he has not brought her around so they can hide it. I know though because I saw his car at her house and found out about the cheating through someone at his work. I made such a stink out of it to his family and he told them I was lying so now he can't bring her around.   Ha!  Makes me a little happy I made it difficult for him. Well maybe a lot happy!

[damage control]

Reading the responses here (as well as the other threads over the past month or so) I am honestly wondering if any of us weren't inappropriately replaced ... is there ANYONE whose ex didn't either have a replacement lined up or find one within hours/days/weeks?

Anyone?

Ha ... it was indeed a Ferris moment.

You are right ... those that weren't replaced probably won't stop by here.

Bueller?

it would probably help to ask this question as a new thread as the people responding are likely to have been replaced before the pwBPD left.

[caughtnreleased]

[/quote]
I made such a stink out of it to his family and he told them I was lying so now he can't bring her around.   Ha!  Makes me a little happy I made it difficult for him. Well maybe a lot happy![/quote]
nice one... .it's the little victories that give us satisfaction

[damage control]

Reading the responses here (as well as the other threads over the past month or so) I am honestly wondering if any of us weren't inappropriately replaced ... is there ANYONE whose ex didn't either have a replacement lined up or find one within hours/days/weeks?

Anyone?

My bet would be that 99.9 % do have replacements before they leave. They just would not leave before its secured. It is part and parcel to the disorder. They cannot under any circumstances be alone. If someone said their ex didn't I would then question if they actually knew the truth.

My ex was cheating on me and left for her and after talking to a friend of his family he has not brought her around so they can hide it. I know though because I saw his car at her house and found out about the cheating through someone at his work. I made such a stink out of it to his family and he told them I was lying so now he can't bring her around.   Ha!  Makes me a little happy I made it difficult for him. Well maybe a lot happy!

I can understand that happy.

A few things crossed my mind in the first week/s  ... but, I am nothing to his parents ... they know of me but as he and I lived in different states for so long and because he dumped me so quickly after my arrival here ... well ... we never got to the family stuff.

I considered contacting his ex (who is his boss) - for a variety of reasons but I also knew that she would have made his work day a living hell. The only thing that stopped me was knowing that even if this current replacement and him didn't/don't work out ... there will simply be another ... you cannot fight the ocean and that is what this feels like - that there is an ocean of women for him to swim in (or is that with?) ... .

[Waifed]

Eh moonie, I know you are right.

Seriously, if I wasn't so irritated with the whole situation it might even be funny.

Ex husband has new fiancee 56 days after our divorce. Talk about ridiculous... sounds like a life set up for a wondrous love story, does it not?

Impulsivity, he's got the corner on that market.

Poor girl won't know what's hit her until after she says her vows, and then the interrogation will begin. It's torture, pure torture being with him.

Oh and that other porn thing... .I'm not sure I have the flexibility.

Thanks for the laugh, I needed it!

If she marries him after only knowing him less than 2 months before they got engaged she gets what's coming to her. (Well, nobody deserves what she is about to experience).