Rumination

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi, I have been in a relationship with my expwBPD for 4 months and have been NC going on day 3.  I broke it off on fri. and she then admitted she had been cheating on me for the entire time we had been together. I surmise she took some pleasure in that because I had confronted her about that on numerous occasions and she of course denied it and accused me of abusing her.  The relationship when to heck as soon as we got intimate at about week 3.  She took a restraining order on me on dec 1 but got rid of

it after a week.  I recycled back and her verbal abuse got even worse all through texting I am in a lot of pain right so I could use some help in trying to get her out of my head.  Any ideas from anybody on how u stopped ruminating over the relationship? .

[irishmarmot]

Hi, I have been in a relationship with my expwBPD for 4 months and have been NC going on day 3.  I broke it off on fri. and she then admitted she had been cheating on me for the entire time we had been together. I surmise she took some pleasure in that because I had confronted her about that on numerous occasions and she of course denied it and accused me of abusing her.  The relationship when to heck as soon as we got intimate at about week 3.  She took a restraining order on me on dec 1 but got rid of

it after a week.  I recycled back and her verbal abuse got even worse all through texting I am in a lot of pain right so I could use some help in trying to get her out of my head.  Any ideas from anybody on how u stopped ruminating over the relationship? .

[Punchbag]

Hi irishmarmot,

Right now sticking in NC is your best ally, and keeping yourself busy doing your own things. My advise is to get into some positive activities, find a quiet place and do some reading, or just go for a walk and catch up with friends. It hurts man, and i know where you are. Every day it goes through your mind, how they can do this do you, and all you wanted was the best for them. But in the end, it was never about you. That's the rub.

Delete and block her number. If she contacts you, do not reply. Post here and talk to us, we will advise you. But don't have any knee jerk reactions, no matter what she says or does. We are here to help.

[irishmarmot]

Ty, for the help I haven't blocked her # yet because part of me still wants to recycle.  I have to be honest.  I am seeing a T and P so I can unload on them.  And here of course It is great to have the support here and to realize how similar our stories are, that gives me hope and strength to get this poison out of my life.

[Jbt857]

Mediate. Exercise. Use some of the tools here, like taking self inventory and seeing what it was about you that led you there.

But truthfully, there's no magic cure. We all go through it, but being nc, blocking social media and trying to accept that those feeling will pass, while acknowledging them when they come up is the way through it.

Time is the real cure. Hang in there.

[Perfidy]

This part... The rumination. The obsessive thinking. This is pretty much the toughest thing to shake. I'm feeling much stronger but the tapes still play.

[irishmarmot]

Thank you, took the advice and blocked her # so dont have to worry about that.  She already had a replacement so that should keep her busy for a while.   Does feel good to have taken the courage to break it off myself gives me some of my self-esteem back.  That poor guy doesn't know what's in store for him.  But I'm sure someone was saying that about me last fall.  Lol

[Learning_curve74]

The rumination is a hard thing to stop. It's not pleasant to always wonder "what if" and to have regrets. Some of us deep down inside wonder why wer weren't "good enough".

Here are a couple links that might help:

Do not allow others to 'rent space' in your 'head'

TOOLS: DBT for Non Borderlines- Mindfulness

Working on ourselves, trying to live a life where we are engaged with both our inner and outer worlds, and doing these things consistently over time are probably important tools in growth and eliminating the rumination. It's not easy, but aren't you worth the hard work?

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

Hang in there my friend. 

Keep busy, do things YOU enjoy and love.  Hobbies, spending time with friends, exercise, go for a walk, be in the sunshine, see a movie.  The key, I think, is to keep busy.  I also watched something on TV the other day that said learning actually helps your brain heal from a traumatic experience like this.  So what I did was sign up for a few day classes at my local community college.  Take a class in something you've always wanted to try out.

You aren't alone and all of us are here for you.  My wife is currently cheating on me with multiple men and doesn't know that I know.  I have to keep quiet about it while our legal separation is going through the court process.  It's hard, but put one foot in front of the other and you're soon walking.  Keep walking and you're soon running.  Keep running and you'll get your life back.

Message me any time.