It's real simple, folks

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

What are the 2 prongs of a relationship?

1. Sex

2. Companionship

Sex: You like having sex with this person, however, you are not having sex with them anymore. You will have sex again, with someone else. It might not be as good. It might be better. Either way, you will have sex again. When you do, if you like it, you will have sex with that person more consistently. Eventually, you will be having regular sex again that you will like.

Companionship: You have spent a lot of time with this person. The two of you have commonality. Unfortunately though, this person makes you miserable. Their behavior makes them a horrible companion. You do not benefit from interacting with them regularly. They make your life worse. There are better companions out there. Almost anyone is a better companion.

In conclusion, this person does not satisfy the 2 prongs that you need to have for a positive relationship. Maybe they did at some point. They do not any more. You are capable of finding someone who meets the criteria. If you do that, your life will be better. If not, you are better off alone than having someone close to you constantly undermining everything you ever try to do. Either way, you benefit from this person being away from you.

[santa]

What are the 2 prongs of a relationship?

1. Sex

2. Companionship

Sex: You like having sex with this person, however, you are not having sex with them anymore. You will have sex again, with someone else. It might not be as good. It might be better. Either way, you will have sex again. When you do, if you like it, you will have sex with that person more consistently. Eventually, you will be having regular sex again that you will like.

Companionship: You have spent a lot of time with this person. The two of you have commonality. Unfortunately though, this person makes you miserable. Their behavior makes them a horrible companion. You do not benefit from interacting with them regularly. They make your life worse. There are better companions out there. Almost anyone is a better companion.

In conclusion, this person does not satisfy the 2 prongs that you need to have for a positive relationship. Maybe they did at some point. They do not any more. You are capable of finding someone who meets the criteria. If you do that, your life will be better. If not, you are better off alone than having someone close to you constantly undermining everything you ever try to do. Either way, you benefit from this person being away from you.

[Perfidy]

It's not that simple!... Kidding. Being a little disordered just for "fun". Seriously though. I can relate to the undermining. Yes she was negative and you know who I'm talking about. That was something that I just dismissed as "how she was". That was a mistake. I will not involve myself with downers now. Not only downed herself... . Downed me.

[Monarch Butterfly]

Santa,

  I couldn't have put it in better words... . Very simple. I just wish I had found this simplicity many years ago... . But until I had figured out what you just stated, it was definitely NOT simple. It was a tornado of emotions and attempts to rationalize what he did and said. It was painful, lonely, confusing and crippling. Looking back, yes, leaving is the simplest answer there could be.

Now why it hurts to leave is a whole different story... .

[WhatTheFrank]

If not, you are better off alone than having someone close to you constantly undermining everything you ever try to do.

A week out, my dad called me to ask me how I was doing. I told him pretty good now that I don't receive constant negative feedback. It's amazing how much better you start feeling when you aren't made to feel like nothing you ever did was enough.

[free-n-clear]

What are the 2 prongs of a relationship?

1. Sex

2. Companionship

Sex: You like having sex with this person, however, you are not having sex with them anymore. You will have sex again, with someone else. It might not be as good. It might be better. Either way, you will have sex again. When you do, if you like it, you will have sex with that person more consistently. Eventually, you will be having regular sex again that you will like.

Companionship: You have spent a lot of time with this person. The two of you have commonality. Unfortunately though, this person makes you miserable. Their behavior makes them a horrible companion. You do not benefit from interacting with them regularly. They make your life worse. There are better companions out there. Almost anyone is a better companion.

In conclusion, this person does not satisfy the 2 prongs that you need to have for a positive relationship. Maybe they did at some point. They do not any more. You are capable of finding someone who meets the criteria. If you do that, your life will be better. If not, you are better off alone than having someone close to you constantly undermining everything you ever try to do. Either way, you benefit from this person being away from you.

So Santa, when is your promotion to Adviser coming through?

[Iwalk-Heruns]

I think these are 2 very important things. Sex and companionship but I don't think they sum up completely what a really deep intimate relationship is between a man and a woman. You could have sex with anyone if you wanted too and I have companionship with friends. Obviously both of these need to be there in a positive way to have a deep relationship but are by far not the 2 main categories for me.

So what truly differentiates the bond between a man and a woman?  Something you could not have with anyone else. That makes it so special. Where do love, respect, trust, fidelity, virtue, same values... . fall?

There is a hierarchy of things that make a good relationship. If we get along and like the same movies and laugh together and love doing same things and sex is wonderful that is great but if the more important values aren't there then we are really only friends. Not compatible.

[Perfidy]

Ok... . It's raining chocolate chip cookies and I'm dancing with a unicorn and farting rainbows... .

You're missing something... .

Reality. What I'm seeing here is idealization.

Who is going to pay the bills?

While its nice to have companionship and sex, there is much more to having a HEALTHY relationship. Ok I'll shut up now.

[Bulgakov]

If not, you are better off alone than having someone close to you constantly undermining everything you ever try to do.

A week out, my dad called me to ask me how I was doing. I told him pretty good now that I don't receive constant negative feedback. It's amazing how much better you start feeling when you aren't made to feel like nothing you ever did was enough.

I was recently on the couch looking through a couple text books. I wanted to explain to her why I was absorbed in the books. There was some concept I was trying to explain to someone and I wanted to make sure I had it right. The gist of the story was that I was trying to make sure I was clear on the topic because I wasn't sure I had it right. All she saw was that I was having a hard time explaining the concept and then told me I should never be a teacher because I would be awful at it. Little comments like this are continuous. I don't think they even notice the little ones, but they add up and really weigh on the soul. Getting closer and closer to being out. Can't wait for the first month of not being put down on a regular basis... . and then the rest of my life because I am not getting near one of these types again.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Ok... . It's raining chocolate chip cookies and I'm dancing with a unicorn and farting rainbows... .

You're missing something... .

Reality. What I'm seeing here is idealization.

Who is going to pay the bills?

While its nice to have companionship and sex, there is much more to having a HEALTHY relationship. Ok I'll shut up now.

Is this in response to what I just said? It's Sometimes hard to tell.

[Perfidy]

No iwalkheruns... nothing is ever meant personally. It was just a response to the trend this is headed into. We're getting close to describing an ideal. When we do this we are almost setting ourselves up for more pain. I know there is risk in everything. Sometimes thinking about reality sooner helps me make better decisions. I am very much a realist. I have made a bad choice in a girlfriend because I ignored reality. I had the companionship. I had the sex... Then reality set in.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Oh I didn't take it bad just wasn't sure if you were responding to what I said or the thread in general. That was the reason for my question.

[santa]

What are the 2 prongs of a relationship?

1. Sex

2. Companionship

Sex: You like having sex with this person, however, you are not having sex with them anymore. You will have sex again, with someone else. It might not be as good. It might be better. Either way, you will have sex again. When you do, if you like it, you will have sex with that person more consistently. Eventually, you will be having regular sex again that you will like.

Companionship: You have spent a lot of time with this person. The two of you have commonality. Unfortunately though, this person makes you miserable. Their behavior makes them a horrible companion. You do not benefit from interacting with them regularly. They make your life worse. There are better companions out there. Almost anyone is a better companion.

In conclusion, this person does not satisfy the 2 prongs that you need to have for a positive relationship. Maybe they did at some point. They do not any more. You are capable of finding someone who meets the criteria. If you do that, your life will be better. If not, you are better off alone than having someone close to you constantly undermining everything you ever try to do. Either way, you benefit from this person being away from you.

So Santa, when is your promotion to Adviser coming through?

LOL

I'd be a lot better off if I'd take my own advice. I know the right thing to do. It's just the emotional pull I'm struggling with.