Advice please. Before I make a mistake

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Walked away from my ex on Dec 13th after catching her lying & on dating site.

My present to her two boys was already at her parents ready for Xmas. Couple days before Xmas I rejected her attempts to give my Xmas presents from her.

They were left by her at her folks for me incase I dropped in I we the festivities (which I did not).

She quite oddly did a 'no show' at her folks for the whole of Xmas/new year!

I heard nothing from her since her pre Xmas attempts to give me gifts. Today, I got this message from her & it really is threatening my NC.

"Good morning! The boys would like to thank you for their Xmas present... . They LOVE IT! Cheers & happy new year to you. Xxxx "

I can't help thinking there's more to it than a thank you for their gift? It seems suspiciously friendly?

Should I just acknowledge that the boys are happy with the gift, as ignoring it seems rude?

This message has totally unbalanced my NC.

Thanks for reading & any views or advice.

[Moonie75]

Walked away from my ex on Dec 13th after catching her lying & on dating site.

My present to her two boys was already at her parents ready for Xmas. Couple days before Xmas I rejected her attempts to give my Xmas presents from her.

They were left by her at her folks for me incase I dropped in I we the festivities (which I did not).

She quite oddly did a 'no show' at her folks for the whole of Xmas/new year!

I heard nothing from her since her pre Xmas attempts to give me gifts. Today, I got this message from her & it really is threatening my NC.

"Good morning! The boys would like to thank you for their Xmas present... . They LOVE IT! Cheers & happy new year to you. Xxxx "

I can't help thinking there's more to it than a thank you for their gift? It seems suspiciously friendly?

Should I just acknowledge that the boys are happy with the gift, as ignoring it seems rude?

This message has totally unbalanced my NC.

Thanks for reading & any views or advice.

[seeking balance]

OK Moonie - take a deep breath

Remember NC is a TOOL to help you detach, nothing more and nothing less.

If I were in your shoes, I would text back "glad they like it" and keep it at that.  It acknowledges the boys and not her and this way you are not playing some weird game with her.  No other texts - NONE - because you will likely get another. 

She can only recycle you if you let her.  Of course you are unbalanced right now, that is ok.  You are strong enough to have real boundaries with her - the final necessary contact is now out of the way and you can let go without having any guilt.

I urge you to NOT respond any more detailed or any other item that can be used as an easy response... . be smart.

You will gain your balance back - go read article 9 https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm

I read it over and over any time I was having a hard time with NC.

Peace,

SB

[strikeforce]

Nothing wrong with a quick: 'Not a problem, glad they liked it'

Followed by complete NC

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

Agree with SeekingBalance and StrikeForce.

Don't feed into whatever she's trying to do.  Keep it short, simple and continue on your healing process by maintaining NC.

[Waifed]

I agree... . short, sweet reply is appropriate.  Don't let her engage you if you don't want her too.

[LilMissSunshine]

I just started a new thread on what just happened to me when I foolishly broke no contact with my x this past week.  I wasn't strong enough to ignore his email.  I thought I was being very careful but somehow he managed to "feed me into" another recycle - and it didn't take long.

I don't think it matters how you respond if you break contact.  They will always find a way to zing you with anything you say.

Moonie, she made a statement, didn't ask you a question.  Leave it at that.  Just my opinion.

[Moonie75]

Thanks for your help.

I sent a reply.

"I'm glad they like it."

I'm happy I've acknowledged the children's gratitude, without engaging her "happy new year xxxx " element of the message. I've responded civilly & hopefully left no opening?

I hope that's an end to it. I'm pleased its a civil one too!

[seeking balance]

Thanks for your help.

I sent a reply.

"I'm glad they like it."

I'm happy I've acknowledged the children's gratitude, without engaging her "happy new year xxxx " element of the message. I've responded civilly & hopefully left no opening?

I hope that's an end to it. I'm pleased its a civil one too!

You may feel a bit on edge the next few days after the contact, know that is normal and it will pass.  Do the things to push that excess energy through - exercise, meditate, etc.

Good Job in NOT reacting, posting and being civil - very good!

[fromheeltoheal]

You mentioned that had you ignored it that would seem rude, in that you would feel guilty if you had ignored it?

A way to benefit from an interaction like that, instead of just endure it, is to look deeply at what you consider your obligations to her to be, compared to what she would say they are.  Someone with the disorder can do a serious mindfck on you, and a core part of detaching and healing is learning to listen to yourself again, your own inner voice, the one grounded in your values, just for practice and conditioning.  And then, if you feel some guilt or regret based on YOUR feelings and YOUR voice, instead of hers, then you can do what you need to do to make it right, knowing where that came from.  Take care of you!

[sadinnc98]

Thanks for your help.

I sent a reply.

"I'm glad they like it."

I'm happy I've acknowledged the children's gratitude, without engaging her "happy new year xxxx " element of the message. I've responded civilly & hopefully left no opening?

I hope that's an end to it. I'm pleased its a civil one too!

I think you handled it perfectly!

[Learning_curve74]

I sent a reply.

"I'm glad they like it."

I'm happy I've acknowledged the children's gratitude, without engaging her "happy new year xxxx " element of the message. I've responded civilly & hopefully left no opening?

I hope that's an end to it. I'm pleased its a civil one too!

Sounds like you handled it well! 

You can always be to the point and gracious. That doesn't require any calculations on your part to figure out any hidden agenda on her part, does it? And you get to be a nice person as well!