Note about depression

[Perfidy]

I am forgetting and letting go. I see it happening. I feel it. Each time I know that I have let go a little more I've suffered mild depression. The feeling has a memory in me. It reproduces the suicidal thoughts that were so strong for about the second through fifth months from the initial shock. This is a revelation to me. Incongruous feelings of relief and fear at the same time. Like being pulled in two different directions. I'm more aware now. I'm not numb any more. It's still uncomfortable. 

[heartandwhole]

Interesting, perfidy.    

Do you think you are feeling more now than before/during the relationship?

– or feeling things in a different way?

– or feeling feelings that you have never had before?

[FindingMe2011]

  This is a revelation to me. Incongruous feelings of relief and fear at the same time. Like being pulled in two different directions.   

I used to get migraine headaches. i related it to emotional growth. Fear because I was stuck for so long, and it was new. Relief because i touch on the origin of the pain. The revelations will continue, keep it up.   I wish you well, PEACE

[Perfidy]

Interesting, perfidy.    

Do you think you are feeling more now than before/during the relationship?

– or feeling things in a different way?

– or feeling feelings that you have never had before?

I'm actually having fewer feelings. The dynamics and drama are gone. Fewer feelings to deal with.

This is the longest I've been single since I was in my first relationship. I'm getting a few of the same feelings that I had before I started being interested in relationships other than foo relationships.

A new feeling is that I am in a unique point in my life where I have no everyday contact with anyone I'm close to. I am able to see myself more clearly without the encumbrance of others. This produces feelings that are new to me and I haven't been able to identify them entirely.

[Perfidy]

  This is a revelation to me. Incongruous feelings of relief and fear at the same time. Like being pulled in two different directions.   

I used to get migraine headaches. i related it to emotional growth. Fear because I was stuck for so long, and it was new. Relief because i touch on the origin of the pain. The revelations will continue, keep it up.   I wish you well, PEACE

I see my own healing happening. Growth? That is something I would need an objective opinion about. That's ok for now. I probably am growing but don't see it yet. Thank you for the well wishes and I hope peace for you as well!

[myself]

I'm actually having fewer feelings. The dynamics and drama are gone. Fewer feelings to deal with.

This produces feelings that are new to me and I haven't been able to identify them entirely.

It's fewer overwhelming feelings all at once, which is less confusion. Feelings you are choosing to face, not ones being forced. Getting down to one at a time, or some, but not too many. New variations of the old, but better now. More clear. Just yours.

Incongruous feelings of relief and fear at the same time.   

I was reading about mountain climbers, and they would feel this way as they'd make camp for the night. Exhilarated to be going where they were going, but knowing it wasn't going to be easy. Getting to rest for awhile but then back at it. Testing and proving themselves with every step. Leaving behind who they were. Maybe you're finding similar plateaus.

[Perfidy]

I'm actually having fewer feelings. The dynamics and drama are gone. Fewer feelings to deal with.

This produces feelings that are new to me and I haven't been able to identify them entirely.

It's fewer overwhelming feelings all at once, which is less confusion. Feelings you are choosing to face, not ones being forced. Getting down to one at a time, or some, but not too many. New variations of the old, but better now. More clear. Just yours.

Incongruous feelings of relief and fear at the same time.   

I was reading about mountain climbers, and they would feel this way as they'd make camp for the night. Exhilarated to be going where they were going, but knowing it wasn't going to be easy. Getting to rest for awhile but then back at it. Testing and proving themselves with every step. Leaving behind who they were. Maybe you're finding similar plateaus.

Amazing. I kind of know what to look for now. Today is the best I've felt since the initial shock. Getting my mojo back!

[Perfidy]

Not only the best I've felt but the longest run too. I still feel strong. Nice. It won't be long now.

[Perfidy]

I'm actually having fewer feelings. The dynamics and drama are gone. Fewer feelings to deal with.

This produces feelings that are new to me and I haven't been able to identify them entirely.

It's fewer overwhelming feelings all at once, which is less confusion. Feelings you are choosing to face, not ones being forced. Getting down to one at a time, or some, but not too many. New variations of the old, but better now. More clear. Just yours.

Incongruous feelings of relief and fear at the same time.   

I was reading about mountain climbers, and they would feel this way as they'd make camp for the night. Exhilarated to be going where they were going, but knowing it wasn't going to be easy. Getting to rest for awhile but then back at it. Testing and proving themselves with every step. Leaving behind who they were. Maybe you're finding similar plateaus.

Amazing. I kind of know what to look for now. Today is the best I've felt since the initial shock. Getting my mojo back!

I'm there. Oh yeah... Feels good.

[Perfidy]

Rumination is depression? Rumination causes depression? Depression causes rumination?

[myself]

Rumination is depression? Rumination causes depression? Depression causes rumination?

All of the above, but most definitely the second and third.

Ruminations can also help cure depression, if we go the right way with them.

Being stuck is the problem. Change needs us to make our moves.

[Perfidy]

Yeah... That is another recent edification. I did not know this. It does go away. Also anger turned inward. Seems to be a multiple warhead.

[myself]

Coming down from a mountain takes as much dedication, but the focus is different because you're on your way home. Or wherever you decide to go next.

[Perfidy]

Someone approached me with spirituality today. I'm not a believer. I'm an atheist. I have no judgement for believers. I look for no judgement in return. This is some one who knows me. There was no conflict. We discussed our views. He knows how depressed I've been. He wanted to help me. I could see it in his face. He cares about me and feels its his duty to god to lead me to Him. Seems a little codependent to me. Just in case you might be wondering, I don't believe in the adversary either. I'm very much based in your tangible world. I don't see things that aren't here. I do believe in resurrection and not the zombie kind. The kind of resurrection I believe in would require a great deal of understanding and education in hard science to really get your brain around it. You guessed it... . I'm enjoying a drink tonight.