Weekends

[State85]

Hate the weekends. Wondering where she is, who she is with, what they are doing,etc.

Tired of this crap... . I am... . I am worth more than the living hell you put me through these past 2'years.

You think your pw BPD is sitting at home right now worrying about you, wondering where you are, or who you are with... . doubtful. You are the last thing on her/his mind... . until she's alone. Then she calls, or texts... . needs you. NEEDS is the key word.

I found out what I suspected all along... . replacement. Replacement with someone 20 years older than her/me... . if that doesn't say NEEDS I don't know what does... .

F her, I'm sure he is

[Waifed]

Sorry State. This brings me to think about the poor guy that I replaced. It sucks, but some day you won't even care. That day can't come soon enough. How empowering will that be when you will be able to look her in the face and feel total indifference.

[State85]

I'll look her in the face and give her the finger... . like she did to me so many times

It's OUR time!

[coastalfog1]

Sorry State. This is my first weekend  wondering  the same thing. It’s killing me knowing she’s with someone else. I hate feeling so insignificant. My heart is screaming and I have no real outlet.  Hang in there.

[State85]

Coastal... . you're outlet is here, these boards. We've been there, done that. Ya, she may be with someone else... . I get that, been through it every weekend. Going through it right now. It was fake, it wasn't and is not real right now. It's not you... . it's her brother.

This is a blessing, embrace it... .

[Ironmanrises]

I heard the "need" word from mine, especially when she came back for round 2. The word itself appears in my 16,000+ texts i have of her on my old android phone around 342 times. She would repeatedly say it to me, "Ironmanfalls, i NEED you." She discarded me 5 months later, for the second time. So much for needing me. She needed me to feel her pain and loathsome feelings. I know how you feel about the weekends. Even though i am not sure if mine cheated or not, the same unease was left in me. I wonder too. And it hurts. Even all this time later.

[MellowOddFellow]

still waiting for the day when i look forward the weekends with excitement again and not spend it with a certain anxiety , wondering about so many things... . and knowing that it still affects me... . knowing that it shouldnt but it does.

been NC so far, resisted answering 1 call from her couple days ago.

been having strong urges to look at her social sites... . trying so hard, not to give in or feel lonely.

it truly is a drug withdrawal, but its time to believe in myself, believe that i DO have ME and at the end thats what matters.

[Tincup]

Weekends were the worst for me as well, but it will get better with time.  I hated people telling me that though, I didn't want to hear it will get better, I WANTED it better now.  The relationship for me was like an addiction.  I think that is why NC for me has been the key.  Once I accepted that she was sick and not the person I thought she was it also made it easier.  Note the word ACCEPTED.  You have to accept 100 percent that they are sick.

Fill your weekend with all the stuff that YOU want to do.  Do projects around the house that you have been putting off.  I expended SO MUCH energy with her that I didn't have the energy to do many things that I wanted and needed to do.  That is what I am doing now. 

It will get much better and EASIER with time.

[Grissum69]

Hate the weekends. Wondering where she is, who she is with, what they are doing,etc.

Tired of this crap... . I am... . I am worth more than the living hell you put me through these past 2'years.

You think your pw BPD is sitting at home right now worrying about you, wondering where you are, or who you are with... . doubtful. You are the last thing on her/his mind... . until she's alone. Then she calls, or texts... . needs you. NEEDS is the key word.

I found out what I suspected all along... . replacement. Replacement with someone 20 years older than her/me... . if that doesn't say NEEDS I don't know what does... .

F her, I'm sure he is

sorry you are going through this crappy experience, do yourself a great favor and block on FB or any other social media.  Go out with some friends, read a book, go to the gym, work on yourself to become better again.  Obsessing over it isn't going to help a damn bit.   I ended up in the ER because I did and it wasn't pretty.   I go to the therapy because it helps.  I signed with a gym because working on my health is a good thing for me and I'm, not thinking about her.  Mine claimed she wouldn't be coming back, and so on...     She got engaged not even short over thirty days after meeting my replacement.   I have my degree to look forward to in March, my health and family are the front burner right now.    It takes time but it can be done. and you will regain yourself again.     good luck   

[Free2Bee]

Oh wow, I *really* hear you on this - the weekends are pretty tough for me too. My ex lives in a suburb and used to come to the city on weekends to see me. Pretty much Friday night onward was 'our time' and it's SO hard to face an empty apartment now. And knowing that she's probably with someone else? Salt in the wound... . ug.

But I'm with Tincup on the projects - I used to feel like I had no downtime and no time to work on my own stuff when my ex was here. I was too busy taking care of her! Now, I'm taking care of me and working on the stuff that makes me happy, watching the movies/TV that I enjoy and eating whatever I want to eat. I'm getting so much done! The time is a gift - as long as I don't wallow too much. Working on that part... .

[sun seeker]

  Hey.

 I totally understand what you guys are saying.  The weekends SUCK . I lost all joy in everything I love to do. Didnt clean my house(except dishes) or truck for atleast a month. Im 7 weeks n/c and she called my land line  friday morning I heard her voice and hung up so fast I broke the phone! I've hurt after other r/s' s ended but this one is much different. Having difficulty wrapping my head around this?

It still a rough road  but there are more good days than bad now.

Keep up the hard work, it's soo worth it!

[LilMissSunshine]

Weekends definitely are the worst (besides holidays).  I'm glad this one is half over.  But I'd rather be alone and healing than working on my third replacement (after a 5 1/2 yr relationship), in 7 weeks, like he is   

[santa]

Weekends really bother me too. Saturday in particular. For whatever reason, I always feel like she's out on a date on Saturday nights. Not that she isn't, but realistically, she could be out on a date any night. It's pointless to zero in on Saturday as a night to focus on. The other 6 days are just as likely.

It really doesn't matter if she is or not anyway. We broke up a long time ago. We're not getting back together. I need to stop caring.

[LilMissSunshine]

It's not that you should stop caring Santa.  You probably should just care differently.   

[irishmarmot]

State,  I can relate, I'm with friends right now and she is with replacement watching football.   And I gave up football for her this past.  season!  There is the mirroring.   This day will be over soon.  I'll. get by.

[Waifed]

I'll look her in the face and give her the finger... . like she did to me so many times

It's OUR time!

I laughed my ass off!

[sun seeker]

  This is hard to talk about. But the guy I replaced is no longer among us. If u catch my drift. I don't blame myself but it isn't an easy thing to process.

[Take2]

Okay - I totally relate on the thread but I have to ask... . what exactly do you mean, Sun Seeker, that the guy you replaced is no longer among us... . ?

[State85]

Waifed... . she was good at flipping me off... . that's about all she was good at!

Sun... . sorry. I hope I'm wrong thinking he is gone... .

[santa]

Okay - I totally relate on the thread but I have to ask... . what exactly do you mean, Sun Seeker, that the guy you replaced is no longer among us... . ?

Pretty sure he means dead.

Interesting.

Was it by her hands or did she just drive him to it?

[Take2]

Well I was kind of thinking that's what it meant... . just wondered why he felt it necessary to say he doesn't blame himself... .  not my business, so I apologize.  Hard not to wonder after a statement like that though.

I am sure whatever it is or was must have been traumatic for all... .    ... .  

[cowl022]

I was about to post a new topic specifically about this, and saw this post. I want to thank everyone who replied to States post, and I want to thank State for posting about this. This is something I have been struggling with since

My ex BPD gf discarded me for the 4th and last time this past August. I have been left with feelings of anger, hate, inadecuasy, and confusion. I find myself trying to analyze all that she said and did... . in hopes that I will feel better about myself. I find myself thinking about whay shes doing... . who is she with. All of this because even though she poured every drop of her BPD behavior into the rs... . There was a bond that was formed, and now that she is gone it feels like a big part of my life is missing. Im hurting, and Im angry, but you know what State? The one thing that lifts my spirits and reminds me that I am valuable is the fact that during all the torment that this individual with this sickness Put me through... . I never stopped

Caring for her. I can live with myself knowing that even though in the end she walked out on me. I never gave up on her.  I know its extremely difficult to forget all the torment theyve put us through, but if you truly and genuinelt cared for and loved her despite her behavior... . take comfort in knowing that you acted out of good intentions caused you loved her. You did all you couldve done. Remember she has a disorder.  Shes not going to get better until she goes through therapy, and its probably not going to bode well for the replacement. Take this as a blessing and work on yourself my friend. Therapy, the gym, projects, hobbies etc... . stay strong State. Everyone on here cares. Listen to all the great people on here and put all the great advise to practice so you can heal. All the best to you.

[State85]

Cowl

Thanks for the response. Weekends are tough for sure. But ya know, what you said in your post about still caring about her... . well that says a lot about you... . you have a heart, you do care despite what has happened. I don't know if I can say the same for them... . and that is tragic, for them. You take care of yourself, focus on YOU now... . cause in my case I don't think she's too worried about me right now, I pray for her even though what she's put me through.

Stay strong... live strong.

[sun seeker]

I found out after I went N/C... her x the guy i replaced took himself out... . his note blame her abuse and cheating. I was the guy she cheating with. I had no idea i was a replacement untill much later. At first I felt like part of the catalyst. Not so much now.

[State85]

I'm sorry Sun... .

[Take2]

I understand now Sun... .   I'm so sorry... . obviously that had absolutely nothing to do with you at all... .