Since learning about BPD have you noticed any similarities to past r/s' s?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

 I've realized my x from years ago had similar BPD traits. She never told me about a diagnosis but she was seeing a T. And was taking meds then decided she didnt need the meds(never knew what meds she was on). That's when all the drama really intensified. I am thankful for the lesson my recent xBPDgf bestowed upon me. Gave me a better radar for crazy.  

[sun seeker]

 I've realized my x from years ago had similar BPD traits. She never told me about a diagnosis but she was seeing a T. And was taking meds then decided she didnt need the meds(never knew what meds she was on). That's when all the drama really intensified. I am thankful for the lesson my recent xBPDgf bestowed upon me. Gave me a better radar for crazy.  

[Jbt857]

Yes!

About 15 years ago I dated a guy who I now see was clearly BPD. At the time,I knew nothing about BPD and it took me a long time to get over. Now I understand BPD from these boards, I've felt a lot of missing jigsaw puzzles from my past have been found, as well as helping me to recover from the end of my marriage to my BPDexh.

[Perfidy]

Yes I've noticed that all of my ex's are crazy. The last one was the creme of the crop. The more afflicted they are the more affected I am. I am currently taking a sabbatical from romantic relationships with others and developing a very nice relationship with myself. Recognizing my own issues. Changing what I can. Accepting what I can't. By now I should have the wisdom to know the difference. You'd think.

[Pretty Woman]

Yes. My first heterosexual relationship was very similar ironically. He bounced back and forth between me and another girl and we all allowed it. I was that desperate to keep him I pretty much accomodated him treating me like crap and seeing someone else when he felt like it even though I am fiercely loyal.

In a way I am really glad my recent ex dumped me and left. It actually was a gift. No more back and forth between partners.  She is currently dating the person she left me for AND is on internet dating sites.

It's no longer my problem and I am grateful.

[Waifed]

Yes I've noticed that all of my ex's are crazy. The last one was the creme of the crop. The more afflicted they are the more affected I am. I am currently taking a sabbatical from romantic relationships with others and developing a very nice relationship with myself. Recognizing my own issues. Changing what I can. Accepting what I can't. By now I should have the wisdom to know the difference. You'd think.

Perfidy, you stole my post!  I am currently fighting by text with my ex wife (not BPD) because I was on the other line when she called and didn't answer her.  WWIII started because I didn't hang up and answer the phone for her.  I am dealing with crazy on top of crazy!  Boy, I have made some bad decisions in my life with women.  I am having to allow equal time for both crazies in my head.  I think I need to raise the rent for time spent in my mind.

[Mutt]

I've realized my x from years ago had similar BPD traits. She never told me about a diagnosis but she was seeing a T. And was taking meds then decided she didnt need the meds(never knew what meds she was on). That's when all the drama really intensified. I am thankful for the lesson my recent xBPDgf bestowed upon me. Gave me a better radar for crazy.  

Yup. My uBPd ex was a wake-up call. I've reflected back after learning about her abusive behaviors and my codependency and almost all of my r/s have been with emotionally abusive woman.

Thank you eBPD ex for exposing my core issues by leaving and now I can work on this stuff and steer my life in a more positive direction!

[Waifed]

I think my first wife (very short 6 month marriage) may have been Borderline.  Funny thing is it has been 20 years and she has not had a serious relationship since we divorced.  :)o some borderlines not date?  She has BPD traits for sure but the not dating doesn't jive.

[Ironmanrises]

No. None of my previous relationships showed any signs of BPD. Medusa was the only woman that i have encountered in my life with that. I often read on here that we often run into people with our emotional level or water finds its own level; for me, that doesnt seem to apply. All my previous relationships began and ended, in a linear fashion. No back and forth. Even in a postmortem analysis i performed in each case, there was no over the top idealization, with periodic verbal lash out, followed by further idealization and for sure no trigger point was ever reached where devaluation started. Every relationship prior to her, the downward spin of the ending phase resulted in "we were not compatible for long term." It wasnt working.

[Pretty Woman]

Waifed,

  Yes.  According to my therapist my mother is a borderline and she completely withdrew from dating after my father. She is emeshed in a sick dynamic with my sister who dropped out of school in HS and my mom still supports to this day (she is 36). So yes, not all borderlines rebound multiple times but they do triangulate, even non romantic relationships.

[Perfidy]

Ironman... . You pointed this out to me in your reply. The BPDex was diagnosed. There were some very unique behaviors displayed only by her, however, all of the relationships exhibited one aspect of BPD or another. The seriously disordered script played out in only one relationship. Ya... It rattled my cage.

[LilMissSunshine]

No. None of my previous relationships showed any signs of BPD... . I often read on here that we often run into people with our emotional level or water finds its own level; for me, that doesnt seem to apply. All my previous relationships began and ended, in a linear fashion. No back and forth. Even in a postmortem analysis i performed in each case, there was no over the top idealization, with periodic verbal lash out, followed by further idealization and for sure no trigger point was ever reached where devaluation started.

Pretty much my experience too.  This recent relationship, with this man, has totally f*&%ed with my head.  I feel lucky though, that I have a baseline of what a normal relationship is.

[Tincup]

I have not had any relationships like her.  My ex wife I thought was a mess but nothing like my ex gf.  I will say that since we broke up I did meet one lady that I had chemistry with, but I pulled back because something didn't seem right with her.  I friend of mine (that knows us both) told me a couple weeks ago that she was glad I pulled back because I deserved better and that this lady had "some issues".  Just say no to drugs and BPD... . that's my new motto!

[Waifed]

Waifed,

  Yes.  According to my therapist my mother is a borderline and she completely withdrew from dating after my father. She is emeshed in a sick dynamic with my sister who dropped out of school in HS and my mom still supports to this day (she is 36). So yes, not all borderlines rebound multiple times but they do triangulate, even non romantic relationships.

Thanks Pretty Women

[ucmeicu2]

there may have been some similarities here and there.  i dunno, hard to remember (it had been so long since i had dated anyone), but nothing from my past r/s's stands out in my mind.

the r/s w/my exBPDgf is like nothing i've ever seen/experienced/heard about/read about/felt/etc.  it was exceptionally strange and intense!  the feelings were inconceivable!

when i think back about it (heck, i'm still pulling out of it, too) ~ it all seems surreal, so incredible.  it was the perfect storm... .   the one in a million convergence of factors that lead to the roller coaster ride from hell that i couldn't - no i even wouldn't - get off of until i'd almost lost my mind.

fun, huh?   

[santa]

Nope. This is my first rodeo. All of my exes seem like angels compared to this one.

I've never seen any woman, or any other human being for that matter, act the way this woman acts. I'm sure there's plenty out there, but this is my first personal experience with one. It was a real shock to my system.

[MrFox]

Aside from one woman, who I left to be with my last BPDex, all of the women I have pulled into my life have been mentally unstable.  I won't label all of them BPD.  My latest ex has been diagnosed and one woman I dated had a diagnosed BPD mother and showed strong signs of it as well.

The reality is I'm attracted to crazy like a moth to a flame.  I left an amazing, kind, loving, beautiful, sane woman to be with my last BPDex who is by far the most unstable person I have ever been with, possibly known.  Why the hell would I do that?  That's when I realized that there is a distinct pattern in my life.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  Fool me a third time and I'm now a participant.

Why the attraction to crazy?  Well through this terrible journey of the past 4 and a half months I have realized that crazy was my normal.  Raised by a BPDmother will do that to a person.  Now that I know what I know I have sworn off relationships for at least a year and am working on fixing me so that crazy no longer holds that appeal.

[Changingman]

I've had two, my xwife. Very high functioning, successful, hasn't really done much since I left, I think I was the one with all the ideas. But her new fellow going through all the abuse. I have no bones with him, not my replacement, met him 1 1/2 to 2 years after I left. Was glad she had someone to dump on. He thought I was making her life difficult for a long while. Think he's wised up now.

He has custady of her 2 kids, his ex wife drank way too much and ... . hold it... . she was probably BPD, his mum seems a bit BPD... . no dad to talk of.

The latest was on the psychotic side of the spectrum. I had come out of a healthy relationship that I decided I didn't want more kids and let her move on, just sad, not crazy. Bit depressed really liked her. Met the off the scale crazy and thought it was fun for a while, got involved to deep and the rest is pure BPD. No recycles just lies really.

Mother one, 5 kids, plays us off of each other splits black and white, rages.

Very controlling and abusive. I'd never treat my kids like she treats us.

Oh have 2 girls I know who have BPD, scary, not close, ones a lesbian ( whatever BPD ). The other didn't have a name for it but heard me talking about it and confided to me that I was describing her. Goes on Tinder and invites men around to shag. One offs.

[Moonie75]

Nope. All previous relationships have been with women I am still fond of now. I'm not in contact with them but wish them all well & assume they feel similarly about me. neither them nor I was/is disordered.

So, Only one monster raving looney sex addict nut job in my history.


But mother of god she sucked up more energy from me than all the other lovely's added together! That's NOT a joke! 

[iluminati]

Not really, though that isn't necessarily a good thing.  I tended to date more narcissistic, arrogant, self-absorbed women before I ran into my stbxw.  If anything, the fact that she had so little in common with them is what drew me to her.  That I ended up marrying someone like that is very ironic.