"insanity" Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. A.E.

[sun seeker]

  Hey all

  As I sit here typing on my phone,  Hangover... . (rare form) I did have fun though we rode our crotch rockets to the local bar,  laughing & joking & ppl watching with my brother was a nice change of pace , watched some idiot punch a hole in the digital jukebox for no reason it wasn't even on (live music) .  and go to jail.  (I even shagged an old friend last night) stellar evening... .

  7 weeks n/c. And  I'm still just as  baffled why I still feel a need to call my xdBPDgf. Or pine for her to contact me. There was no closer, I just walked away a changed all my contact info.  I know she is the worse person for me and no good will come of it. I have not forgotten the horrible ___ she did during our r/s. I almost cracked yesterday I guess I feel the need for more torture.  Cause I know any contact even just seeing a picture of her and the replacement would send me back to the depths.

Why am I having such a tough time getting past this for lack of a better term 'woman"? Thanks for reading any insight or suggestions would be appreciated.  Im glad this board is here with all you wonderful ppl on it.  Well the fair is in town gunna go have some fun today and try and forget about this b.s. for a while.

                                                                                             

P.s.

  I just want this gut wrenching  feeling to pass. It been a week of feeling this and it has not eased up. i keep busy, i try not to be alone to much. I havnt broke n/c & im doing my best to keeep it that way. 

                                                               Sun seeker

[Moonie75]

I feel this!

NC can be like an endurance test at times. Good things don't come easy!

[overwhelmedandconfused]

Sun,

I know the feeling. I have been NC for almost two months after experiencing domestic violence at the hands of my stbxBPDh. I still wonder how he is doing and wanting somewhat to talk to him. I am more concerned to see his mental state, but dont want to open myself back up to that and the hurt again.

The fact that we get so entrenched with these people, it is hard for us to go back to a more 'boring' life, one without constant crisis and someone needing us all the time.

I have found that it is best to stay busy and when in the right place emotionally, to try to process through the feelings that kept us attached and entrenched for so long. It is a long and hard road, but well worth it in the end to have normalcy back. I am experiencing what it is like to be a parent to just my child for the first time in her life, it is GREAT. Learn to enjoy the 'new' you and know that you are a stronger person for having the courage to get out.

-OAC