the beginning of the end

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Her move out day is in less than two weeks. She is taking hardly anything from this house, just her clothes. No pics, only a table. Not even the furniture she brought with her into the r/s 6years ago. I understand her need to detach, actually, but she isn't thinking $, which she should be doing. At least she's on board with the CS terms, which are guideline so she can't try to get more. The rude awakening will come later for her when she tries to weasel more $ from me... .

She came up with a custody schedule similar to what my lawyer suggested. Couldn't wait to not show it to me tonight. She is very good at this stuff when she is on point. Were it not for the BPD and queen tendencies, I always though we made a good complementary team. Another reason why this is all so stupid. I guess we will keep being that good team, and that is probably best for the kids and also for us. In this I am far, far luckier than some of you, I don't look that gift horse in the mouth at all.

She showed me the schedule on her calender. I suggested sharing it with me.  I saw Idiots name on her calendar contacts. So that's how they've been planning their trysts. How efficient.

She got home late due to work (90% true probably, the nature if her work, but irrelevant). I was getting S3 ready for bed on on bed. He asked,"is this your bed, daddy, is this mommy's bed?" She said the couch is mommys bed. I said, "you'll find out when you get married, son, and the couch will probably be your bed." (Bad, I know... . but we are an irreverent family, I've even gotten her to loosen up over the years when she was so BPD proper). He asked," is that your bathroom and daddys bathroom?" She said mommy and daddy share that bathroom. Then she explained that mommy was going to have her new place soon (she was all into showing me the floorplam, as if I cared), and that you and D1 would have their own room there, just like here. Mommy is going to have her own place soon and that we love you very much, but that mommy and daddy were now just very good friends (I supressed a scoff... . i really need to work on this atental alienation stuff since I think I might be the one more likely to take the low road on this). I could sense her getting emotional, so I finished up, had him give hugs and kisses, then put took him to bed and sang his song and said his prayers... . like I do every night. Her?1/10 if that, the tucking into bed thing, though we make a point to have them say goodnight, but she is usually on the computer, or on the couch on her phone. She loves them, but its a pause from her other stuff.

Maybe this is better. She will be forced to  finally start growing up.

[Turkish]

Her move out day is in less than two weeks. She is taking hardly anything from this house, just her clothes. No pics, only a table. Not even the furniture she brought with her into the r/s 6years ago. I understand her need to detach, actually, but she isn't thinking $, which she should be doing. At least she's on board with the CS terms, which are guideline so she can't try to get more. The rude awakening will come later for her when she tries to weasel more $ from me... .

She came up with a custody schedule similar to what my lawyer suggested. Couldn't wait to not show it to me tonight. She is very good at this stuff when she is on point. Were it not for the BPD and queen tendencies, I always though we made a good complementary team. Another reason why this is all so stupid. I guess we will keep being that good team, and that is probably best for the kids and also for us. In this I am far, far luckier than some of you, I don't look that gift horse in the mouth at all.

She showed me the schedule on her calender. I suggested sharing it with me.  I saw Idiots name on her calendar contacts. So that's how they've been planning their trysts. How efficient.

She got home late due to work (90% true probably, the nature if her work, but irrelevant). I was getting S3 ready for bed on on bed. He asked,"is this your bed, daddy, is this mommy's bed?" She said the couch is mommys bed. I said, "you'll find out when you get married, son, and the couch will probably be your bed." (Bad, I know... . but we are an irreverent family, I've even gotten her to loosen up over the years when she was so BPD proper). He asked," is that your bathroom and daddys bathroom?" She said mommy and daddy share that bathroom. Then she explained that mommy was going to have her new place soon (she was all into showing me the floorplam, as if I cared), and that you and D1 would have their own room there, just like here. Mommy is going to have her own place soon and that we love you very much, but that mommy and daddy were now just very good friends (I supressed a scoff... . i really need to work on this atental alienation stuff since I think I might be the one more likely to take the low road on this). I could sense her getting emotional, so I finished up, had him give hugs and kisses, then put took him to bed and sang his song and said his prayers... . like I do every night. Her?1/10 if that, the tucking into bed thing, though we make a point to have them say goodnight, but she is usually on the computer, or on the couch on her phone. She loves them, but its a pause from her other stuff.

Maybe this is better. She will be forced to  finally start growing up.

[CoasterRider]

I can't imagine how hard this crud must be with kids and marriage being in the middle. I guess I can be thankful I only got suckered for a year. I'm really sorry for what you and your family are going through Turk.

Chances are she won't few up, if she's been using you to avoid being an adult. She'll find another naive volunteer.

Take care of yourself and this babies now, you both need it more than she does!

[Turkish]

I can't imagine how hard this crud must be with kids and marriage being in the middle. I guess I can be thankful I only got suckered for a year. I'm really sorry for what you and your family are going through Turk.

Chances are she won't few up, if she's been using you to avoid being an adult. She'll find another naive volunteer.

Take care of yourself and this babies now, you both need it more than she does!

Hi CR, and thanks for the support. To update you, since you're new, she replaced me officially in august. I haven't kicked her out, though beleive me I wanted to, because of the kids and custody issues. Its been thrown in my face now and then the whole time. She's been living here rxpense free, except for paying her mom childcare, since July. I am aware of my relacement, half my age, 8 years younger than her. Yes, its hell, but almost over... she is nice on the surface, but typically BPD cruel. I can't take it personally, I keep telling myself, it has nothing to do with me, or any of us, ultimately.

[Ironmanrises]

Turkish, her dysregulation may make an appearance on the day she has to leave. Just a heads up. She isnt taking any of that stuff because the young douchebag is being idealized while she is pushing you away. That will flip the other way once reality and closeness to him, trigger her. She may even remember not taking that stuff in a nostaglic way, to manipulate you in the future. Hang in there my friend.

[Turkish]

Turkish, her dysregulation may make an appearance on the day she has to leave. Just a heads up. She isnt taking any of that stuff because the young douchebag is being idealized while she is pushing you away. That will flip the other way once reality and closeness to him, trigger her. She may even remember not taking that stuff in a nostaglic way, to manipulate you in the future. Hang in there my friend.

She will continue to manipulate me forever.  One positive I have gotten out of this  is being able to erect boundaries FOG  free for the most part.  Even last week she wanted to split weekends.  After I got feedback on a rational schedule from the lawyer, I  sent it to her.  coincidentally,  she had come up with something similar the night before.  it looks like it will work.  through all of this,  I've realized my strength and passive power over the joint decisions.  I'm not only smarter,  but not dysregulated and unsure of myself. I  lead her to the correct decisions,  let her think it was her idea to get her buy in.  I'm developing my salesmanship skills,  heh.

Hard today though... .  still get the occasional mild anxiety attacks coming out of nowhere... .  I'll be here on her moving out day ( have to burn vacation... .  costing me a day's pay). I  told a friend I  trust her to not mess with stuff and I  do,  but he said, " trust is trust,  you don't pick and choose what to trust and what to not."  He's also my boss,  so day off,  thanks,  and good wisdom.

[Mutt]

I said, "you'll find out when you get married, son, and the couch will probably be your bed." (Bad, I know... . but we are an irreverent family, I've even gotten her to loosen up over the years when she was so BPD proper).

I chuckled when I read that line.

S5 asked uBPDex at her house and she told me "Is OM sleeping w/ you in your bed or on the couch like daddy did?"

UBPDex then said "Mutt, my heart broke when S5 said that"  Irregardless to say, OM doesn't sleep on the couch... . yet. I spent almost the entire last year on the couch. I couldn't sleep beside her in the same bed because I resented her behaviors with the constant fighting. Being around her made me feel sick inside.

These last few days I found extremely tough as a family unit. Knowing that the days are counting down and coming to an end.

I focused on the kids, and mom was out w/ OM when dad was home.

I know your completely focused and there for your kids. Your a great dad and you're protecting your kids.

Continue to be strong for the kids.