From all that I read...

[eclectic]

about BPD, they can cut you off and completely erase you, but it rarely seems to happen for better than 90% of nons from what I seen.  I was told to never contact my ex again by her, when we ended, and just like when most people tell you that, and after 6 months, I really expected not to hear from her again, and then one day out the blue she is calling me, and that happens to so many.  So, why is it traits of the disorder, say they can cut you off and erase you, but seems they never do, maybe after numerous times, and after you get fed up, but they usually never do from what I seen.  I don't know how they pick and choose, there was only one ex, that I knew of that my ex dated, that she never talked about negatively or positively, she really just had an indifference towards him, I don't know why him, and not the rest of us, but the whole time I was with her, I've heard of others ex's, but she would never ever bring up this one guy, in any kind of light, has anyone seen that happen?

[Perfidy]

Eclectic... . You can cut her off completely out of your life. If you don't, you will suffer. She has exposed hurt in you like no other. I don't doubt for a second that there were good feelings too. The real trick here is to accept that she is one person. The same person you had the feel good with is also the same person that that you experienced the hurt with. It's not what "she" does its what you do. Wondering what drives her is counterproductive for you.

[CoasterRider]

Funny that It took get 6 months, she's looking to recycle as there probably isn't an easy available attachment to find so she's turning to you.

My ex and I didn't have a violent break up in that we weren't even present in the same room when he made his choice. Coward send me a text after being together a year. I don't plan to hear from him again, figured I would have by now if it is going to happen.

Stay strong good luck!

[fromheeltoheal]

The most important thing to realize is that a person with a personality disorder doesn't think like you, and trying to fit the sufferer's thought processes into what we call 'reality' will drive you crazy.

The core of BPD is the fear of abandonment, so the sufferer continually looks for attachments; she had one with you at some point, and for whatever reason, that had nothing to do with you, she decided the attachment had soured and she needed to find a new one.  She didn't erase you, she just saw you as someone who would abandon her, or already had, shifted her focus to a new attachment, and projected her negative emotions about it on you to make you a scumbag and a scapegoat, making her feel better about herself and worse about you; just maladaptive coping mechanisms.  You may be thinking that you were in love with her and would never leave, but that's irrelevant to what's going on between her ears; remember, personality disorder, i.e. altered reality.

And at some point she's going to feel her current attachments are not alleviating her fear of abandonment, and you might pop up on her radar as a possible way to soothe that fear.  Remember also that a sufferer has an unstable sense of self, meaning who they think they are changes, sometimes minute to minute, so although nothing externally has changed, internally for her you went from scumbag to potential savior again.  Again, nothing to do with you.

I'll telling you all this because accepting that she has a personality disorder, a mental illness, is critical in detaching.  She does not see the relationship or the world the way you do, and whatever you think you had with her was something different than what she thought.  Accepting that is difficult, to me it meant the whole relationship was a lie and an illusion, a fantasy in my head, very sobering, but critical in detaching.  Once you accept that it never could have been what you thought it was, you can start shifting the focus to you, which is all you can control.  Take care a you!

[lipstick]

Hi eclectic,

I wish I had an answer for you. My exBPDbf dumped me in October of 2012. Gave me the Silent Treatment for over a year. Started "following" me on Facebook in November of last year. Then sent me a Friend Request at the beginning of December. I ignored all of it. He then blocked me on FB (like I was the bad guy) and hasn't tried anything since. He has a second FB account that he didn't block me on, so he might be spying on me still - don't know. I don't think he'll reach out again. I'm probably "erased". Whatever... .