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Author Topic: Wondering  (Read 773 times)
Pretty Woman
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself


« on: January 23, 2014, 12:40:33 PM »

So I am sitting here wondering why my ex sent those emails. Maybe they were an accident.

See, what happens when a girl has too much time on her hands?

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

It was crazy. I like to think it was intentional because she un-facebook blocked me the next day when she received no response. I, after consulting my therapist blocked her.

Lets be honest... . I don't care to see her with someone else. I did see her FB profile a month ago and it was a pic of an angry bull with blood on it's horns. As soon as she unblocked me it's a smiling picture of her, albeit an old one.

What was the purpose? Even that "accidental" email spun me back to where I was weeks ago. I am depressed. Not as bad but feeling like crap. 

I am not sure if she will get the message that I blocked her to get over this. I wonder if this is the last I will hear from her (I know, Ironman, I know).

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GreenMango
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« Reply #1 on: January 23, 2014, 01:01:48 PM »

It's really one of things where you might never know.   It could have been some kind of email tech issue... . That happens.   It could be an attempt to see what your reaction would be - hostile or friendly?

What would be a great feeling is if she does contact you it doesn't cause a bunch of wondering .  This is the hard work of detachment.   It is one of those things that is up to you because if you rely on the other person it may not happen. It's just getting there can be hard.

Pretty Woman How's everything else going?  Are you taking care of you? 
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Perfidy
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Relationship status: Divorced/18 years Single/5 months that I know of.
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« Reply #2 on: January 23, 2014, 01:06:42 PM »

Prettywoman, sorry to hear that you are suffering today. It's very understandable. Hurt isn't something that just goes away. It will always be there and lessen as time goes on. What really helped me was the fact that I figured out what I wanted. It took time and it was and still is painful. Once I made the decision to exclude the source of my suffering from my life, I felt empowered and my mind began to function again. Still not all the way there yet but getting closer. Have you asked yourself if you still want her in your life? What do YOU want? You can make it so. Whatever you choose. You could choose right now to make it over. You could choose to continue covert contact. You could choose direct contact. I know how hard it is to let go. For me, I had no choice. It is getting a little easier every day. Even with zero contact, stalking, looking at photos, or any present based interaction, it still hurts a little. Healing cannot happen if I pick at it. Not going to lie... . Even after all these months of focusing entirely on my self, I'm still tempted.
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myself
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« Reply #3 on: January 23, 2014, 02:16:00 PM »

I am not sure if she will get the message that I blocked her to get over this.

What matters is that you get the message why you blocked her.
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Lol4fun
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« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2014, 02:25:21 PM »

Pretty woman trust your intuition... . You don't have to guess you know why and that is because that little voice and gut feeling you had is your intuition talking to you and telling you the truth.  We all have the capability to intuitively know things and we all get those little signals it might be an upset stomach, chills ect and followed by a specific thought and I'm telling you right now listen to those clues as they are the universes way of cluing you into what is truly going on so that you can act accordingly in what is in the best interest for you and your happiness and lively hood.  Get EGO out of the way and listen and pay attention to the subtle signs and signals that the universe is giving you.  Sometimes, it is something someone randomly says to you (this is often the universe giving you a message that you need to hear at the right moment its never coincidence), it might be hearing a song on the radio that applies specifically to the situation you are facing, it might be a thought that pops into your head out of the blue that resonates completely true with you, it could be something that you read here on the boards at the right time and again right moment.  Be open and listen as you will then not need to wonder and contemplate what the meaning could be be confident that you know and that it is truth.
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Pretty Woman
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The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself


« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2014, 02:45:52 PM »

Thanks, All. Yes, intuitively I know she was looking for a reaction. When she didn't get one she unblocked me on FB.

I'm just taking it as she was trying to hurt me. I guess I can only be hurt if I let myself.
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growing_wings
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 529



« Reply #6 on: January 23, 2014, 03:33:43 PM »

What would be a great feeling is if she does contact you it doesn't cause a bunch of wondering .  This is the hard work of detachment.   It is one of those things that is up to you because if you rely on the other person it may not happen. It's just getting there can be hard.

 

ohhh PW i soo relate to waht you are saying... .   slight contact from them and we are sent back to all sort of places. . I am no different than you.

words above from Greenmango is the real secret to complete detachment. she contacts, and we truly , honestly and deeply dont care. I am not there yet
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growing_wings
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« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2014, 03:36:01 PM »

Thanks, All. Yes, intuitively I know she was looking for a reaction. When she didn't get one she unblocked me on FB.

I'm just taking it as she was trying to hurt me. I guess I can only be hurt if I let myself.

very true, when i have fallen into contacting her back, even if briefly with a text or so, all i get is 1 or 2 texts nice followed by at least 1 or more nasty ones. throwing back at me that i am an almost "evil" person , that i was false, that i dont know how to keep friends, etc.etc... we dont need that.
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GreenMango
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« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2014, 03:54:21 PM »

For me it was a combo of time,  grieving and rebuilding.   Everyone's a little different in their approach but a game plan helps.

There's the leaving lessons with some workshops (right hand margin) and the same for the workshops.   Working through those slowly may be one way to go about it.

The mindfulness and reframing your thoughts workshops are great tactics to combat these spontaneous emails and the crappy feelings. They give examples of how to handle emotions.
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