Bit my tongue tonight

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

She got home with the kids late. At least I started cleaning. She was visibly annoyed, even though spending all day with the kids, and then her mom (who helps take care of them, so at her moms house, not much stress). Both kids are still sick. I was thinking of using SET and asking, "I can see you're upset, how is everything?" I actually used the latter phrase, and she said, "fine." Then asked if I could marinate chicken, so she was suddenly nicer. D1 was upset. X was angry, getting the baby bath ready. D1 came to me for comfort so I brought her into the bathroom. I was comforting D1 as she laid her head on my shoulder. X said,"just leave her, she'll be fine, just close the door!" As I was already backing out and closing the door (I used to hate this, ordering me around as I was in the process of doing things anyway). Read to S4 on the couch. D1 was giving her a hard time, raised her voice a few times. I was ready to intervene, but thankfully ddnt need to. She wanted to bathe S4, but I said i'd do it. X got some text and was answering it, then a friend called to wish S4 happy birthday. X calmed down. After I put the kid to bed sang their bedtime song and said prayers, X was on the computer looking at hair styles. Was upset that the stylist messed up her hair when she brought a pic of what it was supposed to look like. Said her hair looked "cheap" asked how to spell the word (she may have been posting a selfie to FB fir validation... . she is ESL, remember). I said, it looks ok, it adds character... she replied, "I already have enough character, I don't need anymore!" I said I knew you'd say something like that. Then retreated... .

We'll see how she handles having the kids for a few days at a time by herself soon. It may not go well... . I'll be watching, and so will certain trusted members of her family.

That's my WoE story for the night. Kind of boring, but its a boring night.

[Turkish]

She got home with the kids late. At least I started cleaning. She was visibly annoyed, even though spending all day with the kids, and then her mom (who helps take care of them, so at her moms house, not much stress). Both kids are still sick. I was thinking of using SET and asking, "I can see you're upset, how is everything?" I actually used the latter phrase, and she said, "fine." Then asked if I could marinate chicken, so she was suddenly nicer. D1 was upset. X was angry, getting the baby bath ready. D1 came to me for comfort so I brought her into the bathroom. I was comforting D1 as she laid her head on my shoulder. X said,"just leave her, she'll be fine, just close the door!" As I was already backing out and closing the door (I used to hate this, ordering me around as I was in the process of doing things anyway). Read to S4 on the couch. D1 was giving her a hard time, raised her voice a few times. I was ready to intervene, but thankfully ddnt need to. She wanted to bathe S4, but I said i'd do it. X got some text and was answering it, then a friend called to wish S4 happy birthday. X calmed down. After I put the kid to bed sang their bedtime song and said prayers, X was on the computer looking at hair styles. Was upset that the stylist messed up her hair when she brought a pic of what it was supposed to look like. Said her hair looked "cheap" asked how to spell the word (she may have been posting a selfie to FB fir validation... . she is ESL, remember). I said, it looks ok, it adds character... she replied, "I already have enough character, I don't need anymore!" I said I knew you'd say something like that. Then retreated... .

We'll see how she handles having the kids for a few days at a time by herself soon. It may not go well... . I'll be watching, and so will certain trusted members of her family.

That's my WoE story for the night. Kind of boring, but its a boring night.

[UnLuckyLady]

Oh Turkish... . I'm sorry you are still dealing with the anguish on a daily basis.  What sucks SO BAD is that feeling to be kind and understanding, even if it's simply to keep the peace, and then withdraw those thoughts because you know it will bite you in the butt.  It's against our nature, it seems, to put a bridle on being genuinely caring.

Again... . you're in my thoughts and am following your posts.


ULL