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Author Topic: Do they know they lie?  (Read 2593 times)
an0ught
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: married
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« Reply #30 on: February 08, 2014, 03:55:03 AM »

Gaslighting involves deliberate manipulative distortions with the intent to confuse the thinking of the gaslighting victim. There is no deliberate scheme nor an intent to cause us to think we are insane. The term gaslighting tends to encourage thinking of ourselves as victims of an evil pwBPD and we discourage this line of thinking.

The problem with pwBPD is that they tend to believe strongly, their strong emotions project strongly and we tend to buy into these projections. They are certainly more confused than us. Awareness of emotions that are in play on both sides go a long way to stop these projections to have an impact.
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Lilibeth
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« Reply #31 on: February 08, 2014, 05:33:38 AM »

You're so right anOught... . this is what happens (now am able to recognize it) - my husband believes whatever he says - the right and the wrong with equal force and intensity, and i have been falling into that trap of getting confused and then completely shutting down in my mind. It's terribly painful. I couldn't pinpoint it till now... . but now i get it and will make myself more aware. Thank you.
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momtara
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« Reply #32 on: February 08, 2014, 01:29:05 PM »

We may still be victims.  That doesn't mean the pwBPD is 'evil' at all.  But it still hurts.

There should be a different term for it.  I've heard 'crazymaking' used, although I'm not sure if it implies intent.  It makes us a bit crazy either way.

My ex actually did do things that were like gaslighting at times - threw my laundry out of the dryer and made me think it fell that way because I hadn't put it in right.  After the divorce he admitted he did it because he was mad at me.  He wasn't trying to make me crazy, but in that case (not all) he was trying to be vengeful.
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FigureIt
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« Reply #33 on: February 08, 2014, 06:35:26 PM »

What would you call it , if not gaslighting, if it is not on purpose? 

On New Year's Day my bf asked if I was going to his sisters for dinner (he had other plans), I said I didn't know she was having it this year she never said anything to me or texted me. His response was "yes she invited you on Christmas Eve." I said "no, I was cooking in kitchen", him... "yes, it must have been you were drinking too much."  I know I hadn't drank that much and knew she didn't say anything.  So while driving to dinner I asked his kids, who I took, if their aunt said anything on Xmas eve about dinner... . they both said "no".  So, why would my BPDbf make me believe something else.
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hergestridge
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« Reply #34 on: February 09, 2014, 01:54:44 AM »

What would you call it , if not gaslighting, if it is not on purpose?  

On New Year's Day my bf asked if I was going to his sisters for dinner (he had other plans), I said I didn't know she was having it this year she never said anything to me or texted me. His response was "yes she invited you on Christmas Eve." I said "no, I was cooking in kitchen", him... "yes, it must have been you were drinking too much."  I know I hadn't drank that much and knew she didn't say anything.  So while driving to dinner I asked his kids, who I took, if their aunt said anything on Xmas eve about dinner... . they both said "no".  So, why would my BPDbf make me believe something else.

That's exactly the kind of thing I've been having for 20 years; having been told about things and having agreed to go places - and then just not remembering! The problem of course is that my wife has promised to come and there's no way she's going alone.

This has nothing to do with "confusion", it's more to do with a discrete form of dominance.

Speaking of phonecalls; I allways answer ppls calls except for my wive's. Perhaps it's a way of "revenge", but I've just got tired of being respectful in this area. She never answers the phone unless she expects (or wants) a call. Even after this has got us into serious trouble repeatedly (we are parents!) she keeps turning off her phone because she's so into some cooking project or something.
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