Welcome cocrates1978,
I've joined this community yesterday and have already read numerous articles about several aspects of dealing with a person that suffers from BPD. However i would like to ask 2 crucial questions.
First. Is it possible to convince a partner suffering from BPD to go to therapy? Is it better to allow other people to talk about the issue? I have asked my wife many times to go into therapy and so far she refuses. She knows that she is suffering however the fear and perhaps stigma of going for therapy stops her from seeking help. In the past years she's also been accusing me of extra-maritial relationships that I never had and she also created plenty of scenarios that were pure fantasy. Is this likely to be schizophrenia?
we can't diagnose here. It is however fair to say that symptoms of BPD can be from a wide spectrum of dysfunctions. As fear is a key driver in the illness some degree of paranoia is quite common. Missing or inverted logic particularly when emotionally excited is sort of "normal" when it comes to BPD. Only a T with enough knowledge of a person can make a real determination.
Some people on the board have succeeded in getting their partners to take up therapy. Some people have pushed hard, some have persuaded, some had a major crisis and some have failed getting their partners to work with a T. There is no simple or reliably working path. Straight telling the pwBPD that they are suffering from BPD is however considered one of the not so good options for a lot of reasons. Having the partner work with a T definitely helps. Still even without a T involved we have some power to make changes on our side and it is often best to start there.
Second. How to improve the safety of a kid witnessing his mother going into bouts of aggression and saying all sorts of disturbed talk? Shall I tell my son that mummy is unhappy or sad or I should not explain anything and ignore the issue like it is something normal?
I personally don't have experience on that end but check out this book and the related discussion thread:
An Umbrella for Alex - Rachel Rashkin, MS