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Author Topic: Wonderful Morning  (Read 1072 times)
tiredndown
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« on: February 04, 2014, 09:12:06 AM »

Just a little vent

Woke up around 7:00 to goto the bathroom then went back to bed and fell asleep for a while. Around 8:00 she came in the room to check on Son and I think I herd him gasp. She thought it was me and walked over to check my phone. There was nothing on it since i wasn't using it. I asked her 'What are you checking my phone for'? She brought up a few things and I just stayed calm and let her finish and walk out.

Then as I was getting ready to go into the shower she followed me into another room going off about a list of things I had an attitude about for the past few days. Yeah I was kind of edgy with her the past few days for whatever reason but she was really going off. I finally just closed the bathroom door & locked it. She kicked the door and she went into her room and started playing songs on her phone through the bottom of her door.

Then I go downstairs and don't see my shoes. She had thrown them outside. Real mature ... . I just stayed calm the entire time and left for work. I'm 44 and just thought ... Really? She is such an emotional child.

Basically, I didn't validate her like she needed. It is difficult to keep focus when you just are woken up.
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Mutt
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« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2014, 09:29:39 AM »

I think you nailed it on the head with immaturity and the emotional level of a child. My ex's method of choice wasn't my shoes but her cellphone, she would throw her cellphone against the wall. It was always hard enough to leave a hole in the dry-wall. Really? Did you just through your phone at the wall?

Such childish antics.
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max101
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« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2014, 11:38:53 AM »

Oh my God, they are all the same  My ex would slap me, yell at me and demand I show her my cell, email and Facebook so she could "check" whatever she needed to check. She was also very immature with throwing things around and "pretend crying" like six year old's do if you don't give them ice cream.

I am amazed that the scenarios are all the same. Do you also get the weird/rude questions from your gf?

My ex would ask me details about other exes, places I have taken people to, if I cooked for them, If I was nice to them bla bla bla.

She forced me (I was so lame) to refer to an ex from 7 years ago as a whore, even though they never knew each other or had any contact nor did I.

The stuff we endure for them is startling
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tiredndown
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« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2014, 11:51:05 AM »

Yeah, she would bring things up out of the blue about different situation and analyze it to death. It really is never ending.

I don't even know where to being with the stories anymore. If you are not married RUN for the HILLS ! ! ! I am married with two wonderful children so that makes things much more difficult to manage. There is NOTHING you can do to please them, You can't love them more, show them more, hit__ more (fill in the blank).

They are an undeveloped shell of a person.
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max101
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« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2014, 12:02:36 PM »

Not married, she actually broke up with me 5 days ago. She says she has to deal with her and finish university and probably meet other men in the future to fully understand what she wants. I just don't know if she will try to contact me again and suck me in, kind of scared of that actually

As for your situation, I realize I cannot relate and as a catholic I am conflicted with the idea of divorce, especially because of kids but have you considered this option? I mean, the long lasting negative affect on your kids could be horrendous. Sorry to put in these words but when you read the stories of people with kids you start thinking

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tiredndown
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« Reply #5 on: February 04, 2014, 12:35:48 PM »

Max

Excerpt
As for your situation, I realize I cannot relate and as a catholic I am conflicted with the idea of divorce



I respect your beliefs. I believe abuse is one of the accepted reasons for divorce in the catholic church. Living the a BPD person is most certainly an abusive experiance.
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max101
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« Reply #6 on: February 04, 2014, 12:55:28 PM »

Sorry, English is not my primary language so I probably could have phrased that better. I agree (as does the Church), abuse is a reason to end a marriage and I fully support anybody ending such a marriage, even if they have kids. Children are better off with one parent than facing a toxic relationship between their parents.
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tiredndown
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« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2014, 01:03:17 PM »

Sorry, Your English is perfect ... . My reading comprehension is at issue. 

Yes, I have filed for divorce last year. In my state she has the option of doing nothing and we need to live separate for two years. You can live in the same house but separate lives which is what I am doing. I have seven months to go and am looking to make the house as peaceful as I can.
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max101
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« Reply #8 on: February 04, 2014, 01:07:48 PM »

Thanx Smiling (click to insert in post)

Well, that's good news. Obviously the situation is not perfect but I guess finding other sources of joy in your life will ensure you survive this period without a scratch Smiling (click to insert in post)

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Mutt
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« Reply #9 on: February 04, 2014, 01:11:16 PM »

I don't even know where to being with the stories anymore. If you are not married RUN for the HILLS ! ! ! I am married with two wonderful children so that makes things much more difficult to manage. There is NOTHING you can do to please them, You can't love them more, show them more, hit__ more (fill in the blank).

They are an undeveloped shell of a person.

I'll second that motion. I'm married to my estranged wife. w/ 3 young kids.

February 21st 2014 is the first day that we can get divorced  Smiling (click to insert in post) In my mind I kept thinking that she'll grow up, settle down when we get married.

It got a lot worse within a period of 3-6 months after marriage.
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BorisAcusio
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« Reply #10 on: February 04, 2014, 01:54:56 PM »

I think you nailed it on the head with immaturity and the emotional level of a child. My ex's method of choice wasn't my shoes but her cellphone, she would throw her cellphone against the wall. It was always hard enough to leave a hole in the dry-wall. Really? Did you just through your phone at the wall?

Such childish antics.

My ex did exactly the same. I only saw that in movies before we met.
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love4meNOTu
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« Reply #11 on: February 04, 2014, 02:43:36 PM »

Oh my God, they are all the same  My ex would slap me, yell at me and demand I show her my cell, email and Facebook so she could "check" whatever she needed to check.

My ex would ask me details about other exes, places I have taken people to, if I cooked for them, If I was nice to them bla bla bla.

She forced me (I was so lame) to refer to an ex from 7 years ago as a whore, even though they never knew each other or had any contact nor did I.

The stuff we endure for them is startling

Me too... .

It was constant questions about relationships from decades earlier... . he accused me of not being able to put them in the past and I was like... . What the heck. He even questioned my son about my relationship with his father. And then came to me and said "YOUR SON SAID HIS DAD YELLED AT YOU ALL THE TIME".

My son was 8 when his father and I divorced, and my son's dad NEVER raised his voice to me, not even once. But exhwBPD said he did so it must be true, right?

All of this just to justify his actions towards me. Because he was awful... . awful to live with. His rages... .

Checking my phone, checking my purchases, checking everything ... email, linked in... facebook.

What a psycho.

I never once even glanced at his phone or email. I could care less, because I trusted him.

Now that was a mistake!

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Mutt
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« Reply #12 on: February 04, 2014, 02:52:01 PM »

I never once even glanced at his phone or email. I could care less, because I trusted him.

Now that was a mistake!

I did the same. I made the mistake when she started locking her phone when she did not. Taking the phone to the washroom constantly when she did not. She used to lose her phone all of the time and ask me where she put it, several months before she left it was glued to her all of the time. on FB and texting all of the time. I never tried to get into her phone or question her.

What she was doing, is talking to the replacement when I was present in the room. She was having an emotional affair.
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tiredndown
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« Reply #13 on: February 04, 2014, 02:53:45 PM »

I guess I am more detached than that. I never look because I just don't care.

I never once even glanced at his phone or email. I could care less, because I trusted him.

Now that was a mistake!

I did the same. I made the mistake when she started locking her phone when she did not. Taking the phone to the washroom constantly when she did not. She used to lose her phone all of the time and ask me where she put it, several months before she left it was glued to her all of the time. on FB and texting all of the time. I never tried to get into her phone or question her.

What she was doing, is talking to the replacement when I was present in the room. She was having an emotional affair.

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Mutt
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« Reply #14 on: February 04, 2014, 02:57:55 PM »

I guess I am more detached than that. I never look because I just don't care.

I never once even glanced at his phone or email. I could care less, because I trusted him.

Now that was a mistake!

I did the same. I made the mistake when she started locking her phone when she did not. Taking the phone to the washroom constantly when she did not. She used to lose her phone all of the time and ask me where she put it, several months before she left it was glued to her all of the time. on FB and texting all of the time. I never tried to get into her phone or question her.

What she was doing, is talking to the replacement when I was present in the room. She was having an emotional affair.


I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I trusted her. I didn't listen to my intuition  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post) like so many other times in the marriage. I'll trust and go with my intuition the next time and not doubt myself.
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love4meNOTu
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« Reply #15 on: February 04, 2014, 03:10:29 PM »

Our mistake was thinking that they were like us.

That's a very dangerous game with a BPD.

L
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Mutt
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« Reply #16 on: February 04, 2014, 03:32:07 PM »

Our mistake was thinking that they were like us.

That's a very dangerous game with a BPD.

L

I'm not sure about this, but is this not "mirroring"?

I didn't know what the term meant back then.

When I first met the ex, I thought:

This woman is down to earth, calm, relaxed, funny, she has the same interests as me, I can't believe that I met someone like me.


I thought that she was like me, partly due to her mirroring me, a lot of those qualities are mine. It's not to say that some of them are genuinely not hers.

Or do I have this wrong?
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love4meNOTu
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« Reply #17 on: February 04, 2014, 06:13:32 PM »

I don't know Mutt... all I know is that I trusted him, wholly and completely. I trusted him like no man ever before. Was it the mirroring? I don't know.

Does it matter now? I was completely wrong about his character. Completely.

I'm still working on trusting ME again. Smiling (click to insert in post)

Hugs mutt...

L

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Mutt
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« Reply #18 on: February 04, 2014, 06:25:06 PM »

I don't know Mutt... all I know is that I trusted him, wholly and completely. I trusted him like no man ever before. Was it the mirroring? I don't know.

Does it matter now? I was completely wrong about his character. Completely.

I'm still working on trusting ME again. Smiling (click to insert in post)

Hugs mutt...

L

Hugs to you too love4meNOTu

I trusted her until the end, but I can say for myself it was because of her FOG.

Being seperated, detaching and barely talking to her for a year, I see projection, distortion, manipulation and still obligation and guilt.

Do I trust her now? No. Not at all.
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