Do I fake it until I make it?

[Landslide2014]

After a Long and hard fight to make it work I have decided that my sanity calls and my next move is to exit as amicably as possible. I am in a 21+ year marriage, 4 children age 7-20 and I fear and anticipate a great deal of resistance (based on previous patterns) when I make my intentions clear. I still pray for my BPDH healing, though accept that it is not for me to try and control. I have implemented obvious detachment and I wish I could just be done with it.  I feel that my plan needs to be a little more solid and perhaps my drive is being intercepted by fear and guilt, even though I know in my gut what needs to happen. My question is do I pretend, in the meantime, that things are just going to continue as they were before as if not to set off any red flags?  Is my next move an attorney or a mediator?  It seems as though I am in somewhat of a holding pattern. A part of me fears that the red flags will sway me and cause me to lose focus. I am trying so hard now to use all of that energy that I had previously used toward creating a truly healthy marriage toward preserving my truth and embracing my destiny.  I am willing to do the work to heal and look forward to contributing in a positive way to healthy relationships in my life. I no longer desire to have my worth and truth challenged.  Thank you for the opportunity to ask and share.

[Perfidy]

Tough spot landslide. The truth will set you free. I will suggest impeccability in your word. If you can be forthright and honest, that is always the way to go. If you honesty is met with violence or harm, indeed protect your self even if you have to lie. Courage and risk. I admire you.

[ogopogodude]

video tape

[Turkish]

After a Long and hard fight to make it work I have decided that my sanity calls and my next move is to exit as amicably as possible. I am in a 21+ year marriage, 4 children age 7-20 and I fear and anticipate a great deal of resistance (based on previous patterns) when I make my intentions clear. I still pray for my BPDH healing, though accept that it is not for me to try and control. I have implemented obvious detachment and I wish I could just be done with it.  I feel that my plan needs to be a little more solid and perhaps my drive is being intercepted by fear and guilt, even though I know in my gut what needs to happen. My question is do I pretend, in the meantime, that things are just going to continue as they were before as if not to set off any red flags?  Is my next move an attorney or a mediator?  It seems as though I am in somewhat of a holding pattern. A part of me fears that the red flags will sway me and cause me to lose focus. I am trying so hard now to use all of that energy that I had previously used toward creating a truly healthy marriage toward preserving my truth and embracing my destiny.  I am willing to do the work to heal and look forward to contributing in a positive way to healthy relationships in my life. I no longer desire to have my worth and truth challenged.  Thank you for the opportunity to ask and share.

Hi Landslide2014, it seems like you are definitely decided at this point, but maybe the guidelines from the undecided board may help you work through your stuggle and provide some clarity...

[love4meNOTu]

You might want to look at letmeout 's posts, she was married to a man wBPD for 35 years.

Hugs,

L

[Landslide2014]

Thank you all for your input.  It is always comforting to check in at the end of a long day... . When sometimes I am confident and sure but other times check in confused.  It always helps me to regain my focus and sense of worth and be a little more at peace on the inside.  I have yet to look at letmeout's post and the guidelines but I look forward to opening my heart and mind to what what can be learned and felt there.

[Moonie75]

video tape

I'm gonna start calling you 'Hitchcock' soon mate! 

Because just like you, all he shot was 'Horror' as well! 

[ogopogodude]

I deserve that.

But I want soo badely for other members here to just protect themselves.

I did.

There is nothing, ... . & i mean nothing, ... . like having evidence.

With no evidence, ... . one is just in a position that when they open their mouth, ... all that is heard is this: 'blah blah blah blah"

However, ... with evidence, ... when one speaks, ... . their voice is actually heard, ... . and what comes out of their mouth is substantiated.

Here's the deal: it took me soo long to figure out that BPD's are bullies.

I bully back. I bully back with evidence.

I will never be bullied ever again in my life.

I carry my ipad mini around with me everywhere. I carry my iphone with me everywhere. They are always charged. I will never be battery dead.

A BPD needs to be put in their place. They need to be identified as such.

Am I on a war path... . ?  ... . you betcha.

[ogopogodude]

In my situation, ... . my ex is and was a criminal.

She was a spouse abuser but more importantly, ... she was a child abuser.

I have this evidence put very safely away. It can never, and will never, be destroyed. 

Scaring a little child is abuse. Hitting a child is unacceptable.  There is no statute of limitations on child abuse.

My ex will pay some day for her actions and her words.  My in laws are very rich. But I have something more valuable than their money. I have their whole family's reputation on a hard drive in a safety deposit box.

It will be given to my children some day.

I will never forget.  But i do want my children to forget this past.

I have been thru hell. My children have been thru hell.

[Moonie75]

The Blair BPD Witch Project

Coming soon

[Landslide2014]

I just got it. Both humored and contemplative. I think I need both for balance . All points considered, at this very moment, I want to fast forward.  I have no patience this night for the manipulation that is evident.  Coded texts and dialogue happening as I write. Ugh. Might I mention that the last time I "got caught" recording the verbally abusive conversation (that I am certain, woke my children... . Though they probably lay still in their beds with with pillows over their ears) that my uBPDh got physical and the next day told the T that I got physical with him.  For that reminder I am grateful, because it once again sets my focus.  Thank you.