What my therapist said

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My PTSD therapist said I was attracted to my BPD friend because she was like my sister! She said I am used to being abused so I became friends with this woman to try and fix the trauma of the past,which she said you never can.

But how can that be true if for a year and a half she was nothing like my sister! She has traits that I've seen for a while now that are like my sister.Selfish a user and a manipulator.

But how can your subconscious pick up things that are not yet evident in someone?

Plus I love my friend , STILL! .Never ever have I had anything but hatred for my sister!

Also even though I broke up with my friend first, she sent me a text saying she was breaking up with me!

I seriously lost my temper with her in a previous text calling her a user, a c... t , a bhit.

I could see she was reading text so that just made me go off and keep going! Saying that the only reason she became friends with me and was nice to me was to make herself feel good! As I left all of my money and things to her, I said enjoy my money bhit!

We'll in the text she sent me , she said she could no longer be my friend as I was spiteful and hateful. And that I had no idea how much damage I had done to her. I waiver between feeling bad about that , I said to I regretted it as it was not me but I'd never  apologize!

To explain my tirade I had to give a list of just some of the appalling things she's done.

I snapped ! After 7 months of particularly brutal and demeaning treatment by her.

Every one snaps, I simply can't believe , she has no idea of the pain she's inflicted on me on top of all the other horror that's been happening in my life which she hasn't lifted a finger to help with!

She's even endangered my life! My God does that make me feel like im worthless!

Not having any prior friendships, I guess what I'm asking is: Was her breakup text real and permanent? After expressing her eternal love and need for me, can she really be finished?Does a BPD person forgive? I'm pretty innocent.  Oh God this is a horror weekend I think ill ring that number now.

[Invictus69]

My PTSD therapist said I was attracted to my BPD friend because she was like my sister! She said I am used to being abused so I became friends with this woman to try and fix the trauma of the past,which she said you never can.

But how can that be true if for a year and a half she was nothing like my sister! She has traits that I've seen for a while now that are like my sister.Selfish a user and a manipulator.

But how can your subconscious pick up things that are not yet evident in someone?

Plus I love my friend , STILL! .Never ever have I had anything but hatred for my sister!

Also even though I broke up with my friend first, she sent me a text saying she was breaking up with me!

I seriously lost my temper with her in a previous text calling her a user, a c... t , a bhit.

I could see she was reading text so that just made me go off and keep going! Saying that the only reason she became friends with me and was nice to me was to make herself feel good! As I left all of my money and things to her, I said enjoy my money bhit!

We'll in the text she sent me , she said she could no longer be my friend as I was spiteful and hateful. And that I had no idea how much damage I had done to her. I waiver between feeling bad about that , I said to I regretted it as it was not me but I'd never  apologize!

To explain my tirade I had to give a list of just some of the appalling things she's done.

I snapped ! After 7 months of particularly brutal and demeaning treatment by her.

Every one snaps, I simply can't believe , she has no idea of the pain she's inflicted on me on top of all the other horror that's been happening in my life which she hasn't lifted a finger to help with!

She's even endangered my life! My God does that make me feel like im worthless!

Not having any prior friendships, I guess what I'm asking is: Was her breakup text real and permanent? After expressing her eternal love and need for me, can she really be finished?Does a BPD person forgive? I'm pretty innocent.  Oh God this is a horror weekend I think ill ring that number now.

[Surnia]

Hi Invictus69

I am so sorry about all this! I hear your deep despair. 

I am concerned too about your situation, I think it would be good to make the call to the number you received!

What do you think?

[growing_wings]

I seriously lost my temper with her in a previous text calling her a user, a c... t , a bhit.

I could see she was reading text so that just made me go off and keep going! Saying that the only reason she became friends with me and was nice to me was to make herself feel good! As I left all of my money and things to her, I said enjoy my money bhit!

We'll in the text she sent me , she said she could no longer be my friend as I was spiteful and hateful. And that I had no idea how much damage I had done to her.

Ring the number Invictus. Good idea.

Sorry you are going through this.

My only addition is: if you lose your temper, you feed her the need to abuse you more, as she is accusing you of being "spiteful and hateful" as you describe. That is what some pwBPD want, push your buttons ,provoke you, so you react, then they blame  you.

as hurt as i was, i did not react to her provocations, i seeked to be calmed. She projected a lot onto me... . she provoked (she still does after 6 weeks NC from me)... i just dont give in, for two reasons: re-engaging with her justs means more pain (at least when things were soo raw for me), and i did not want to give her the pleasure to know she got me, that motivated me to stay calm... not to react to her.

weeks after, i am much clearer.

give yourself time to get out of the FOG. call that number, and stay strong.

[Invictus69]

Hi growing wings, ,Thank you for your kindness, it's all helping me. I learned along the way about her and believe me I never got angry with her like this before.But this was a build up ! She showed such disregard for my health and safety.She ground me down mentally and physically. I truly believed she must not have cared wether I lived or died! Nothing gets through to this woman,NOTHING! I gave her item by item of just some of what shed done. But it's all about her! Here I am wanting her friendship again and not knowing what's going on in her mind about it! Last night was brutal, I rang the number and had an ok talk with a girl.

It's another day to get through. Thank you again for your support.  

[growing_wings]

Hi growing wings, ,Thank you for your kindness, it's all helping me. I learned along the way about her and believe me I never got angry with her like this before.But this was a build up ! She showed such disregard for my health and safety.She ground me down mentally and physically. I truly believed she must not have cared wether I lived or died! Nothing gets through to this woman,NOTHING! I gave her item by item of just some of what shed done. But it's all about her! Here I am wanting her friendship again and not knowing what's going on in her mind about it! Last night was brutal, I rang the number and had an ok talk with a girl.

It's another day to get through. Thank you again for your support.  

i am glad you called the number.

Yes, take each day as it comes... it will get better... . it will.

Keep calling the number if you need to.

I dont know about your friend, and every case is different. But now, you need to try (as much as you can) stop worrying about her, and focus on you, and your wellbeing. you need to put yourself at the center of your attention now, you are your priority . Do not worry abuot being her friend again, when you get better, you will be in a better position to understand why you need that friendship and to understand in which terms you might want to re-establish that friendship.

focus on you. each step at the time  

keep us posted

[Surnia]

Hi invictus

great you could make this call, a brave step. Please be open to your T as well about your situation.