Why do I feel awful, like I'm abandoning him like he told me everyone else did?
Why is he so good at making me feel like the bad guy?
sorry you feel awful Littleopener... .
if you read the stories in this board, pretty much all of us who left (or were abandoned) by a pwBPD felt awful and guilty. why? many things:
1. perhaps our own un-resoved issues play a role here, we feel the need to rescue them, and if we fail to do so we feel teh burden of "failure" and we feel like we are abandoning them. Rest assure, a BPD can only be helped and healed by themselves WANTING to get healed, through seeking professional help and committing to it. most of htem dont want to, so we, as the non's cant rescue them, we cant fix them.
2. pwBPD are experts at making us feel guilt. they know us very well, and they know which buttons to play to cause pain and inner reaction. and they use those.
3. You are in the FOG. it will take time with NC to get out of it
many other reason can be at play, however, if you are detaching now, what you need to concentrate on is yourself. Work on understanding why you chose that person and why you stayed around ... . focus on getting stronger by keeping NC... . once this happens, you will start to see things differently. let the FOG clear... .
my best wishes and stay strong.
