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Author Topic: Still consumed by thoughts of ex girlfriend with BPD  (Read 378 times)
ynguns2
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« on: February 11, 2014, 08:43:05 AM »

Hi and I probably sound like a broken record but I still have this uneasy feeling from my past relationship with my ex. I posted on here before and had much needed advice " Thanks " but I am still having a hard time letting go of my ex. I have since moved on and have met a wonderful woman but there is this feeling of anxiety that I suffer from and it has a lot to do with my ex who was diagnosed with BPD. I had dated her for almost two years and cannot tell you how many times I had been recycled by her. I tried my hardest but no matter what I did was never enough. She had such high demands for material items such as coach purses and jewelry that I thought was too expensive. I make a good living as a firefighter but I have bills like everyone else and I was always told how cheap I was compared to her ex who was a doctor. I asked her where is her ex now because if he loved her so much why did they not get married right?. i also had a problem with her still working with him as his nurse. She had been on countless meds from Prozac to Lexapro but never seen a therapist because she claims it's everyone around her that makes her upset and I was a big factor because I would never do what she wanted all the time. I had been in therapy six months after dating her because her projection on me was really hurting me.I failed to listen to what the therapist had told me and now I am left with feelings of guilt anger and depression. I know it would never work out and I could not fix her but I think it's my caring nature that I had tried so hard. She constantly would talk about guys she slept with and she even cheated on me after I went to therapy session per her request and it was the day after she had told me and the therapist that she loved me and wanted only me. She really screwed me over and we have a no contact order from the courts till mar 21st and I am afraid if she contacts me I will be too weak to ignore her. I have to focus on my new relationship. I really went too fast with my new girlfriend but we were set up amongst friends and she is such a kind woman who is total opposite of my ex and I still long for the abuse in some ways and I cannot figure it out because I am a good man and very caring. My therapist told me that it's all the damage she imposed on me and it will take a good amount of time to recover from. he also said given her track record and two failed relationships which she had taken to counseling that she will never change and that I should consider myself lucky and that I dodged a bullet. I am sure many on here have felt this withdraw and pain after a breakup with a woman with BPD.
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heartandwhole
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3592



« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2014, 12:51:09 PM »

Hi ynguns2,

It's totally normal to have uneasy feelings about your expwBPD, you are definitely not alone there!  I'm sorry that you are having a hard time letting go.  I think your T is wise, and this will take time. 

You say that you didn't listen to your T's advice, could you tell us more about that?

Hang in there, ynguns.  These feelings will pass, but only if you let yourself feel them again. 
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When the pain of love increases your joy, roses and lilies fill the garden of your soul.
ynguns2
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« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2014, 01:12:49 PM »

Yes I had started therapy in march 2012 because of the constant stress I was feeling in this relationship. I had told my therapist everything and I was honest too. I am not an angel but I never could treat somebody so horrible as she did to me. I explained to the doctor about her mood swings and how she blamed me for everything. He asked me if she was on medicine and I said yes she was and he wanted me to ask her if she goes to therapy the next time I seen her so I did and she bolted out of my house and broke up with me and then two weeks later he called me back. I told therapist about the events after I asked her about seeing a therapist and he hit the nail right on the hed saying sounds like a personlity disorder of sorts. I later found out she had BPD when we were in court over her lies which I am glad the judge had seen after she had filed a restraining order out of pure spite. The judge asked for her why she seen. Therapist and her lawyer said it was do to a "borderline personality disorder". I am glad she vacated the order and gave us a strict no contact order which is hard because I often wanted to ask her why she cheated on me and how could she leave me 400 miles away from my house on. Trip?  My therapist advvised me to definitely stay away and remember all the bad she has ine to me. He also said look t the red flags Jim with her, the books on getting over breakups and her still working with the ex boyfriend. I am trying hard it is like battling an addiction but each day I get a little stronger.  I met a great woman through fiends and I feel the negativity from the ex is affecting not only my lif but my future.



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Johnny Alias
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Posts: 149


« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2014, 02:54:16 PM »

Start using paragraphs and you'll get more responses. No offense but this is hard to read.

Ups and downs. You've got PTSD. It's gonna be a road to get over it but be patient.

I went out with mine for four years. I'm thinking this is gonna hurt for quite a while longer and that's okay.

Hang in there.
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Learning_curve74
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2014, 03:03:05 PM »

It's okay to have these thoughts, ynguns2. If you read enough posts on the leaving board, you'll come to realize that half the people here feel like you do, the other half don't because they are still in the throes of their BPD relationship.

A lot of us get hooked on the drama, not that we necessarily like or want it, but one of the reasons we connected so strongly to our pwBPD is due to the loaded bonds we formed. Sure we are caring, compassionate, and loving, but many of us chose to ignore the red flags or we decided to be martyrs and attempted to stay in relationships that were terribly unhealthy.

You spent a lot of time thinking about your BPDex. Now that you've been broken up for a while, why not spend some of that time thinking about yourself? What do you really want? Are you willing to try and patiently grow the relationship that you want with your new gf?
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ynguns2
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« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2014, 04:04:29 PM »

ThAnks everyone and sorry about my long book like posts. I think this site is awesome and strangely today I feel really good

I am glad and yet sorry that others have gone through such turmoil as I had endured. I think all of us on this site are very caring and thats what causes such hurt because when we date somebody who lacks empathy we continue trying but at the same time we continue failing when trying to fix a person who is too broken.

I am focusing on my new relationship and we have gotten so close to each other recently and that is a great feeling to have. She is the total opposite of my last girlfriend.

I am taking it one day at a time and hopefully I will stop focusing on what I did wrong in my last relationship and tell myself I had given it my best and sometimes people are to broken to fix.


Thanks  :-)  
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