First post: Therapist agrees my wife has NPD

[JMS]

I talked with a marriage and family therapist who works with BPD patients.

I described to her what's been going on, I told her that I believed that my wife has narcissistic personality disorder, or at least demonstrates the behaviors of it.

She agreed that my wife definitely shows NPD traits.

I'm going to try to talk to a couple of other therapists/psychologists just to see if anybody sees anything different.

Now, I need figure out how to get my wife to go to a one of them so I can at least figure how "bad" things are and whether there is any chance counseling is a viable option. 

I still have hope that maybe some repair can be done, but I'm also realistic and know the chances of that are slim.  At this point, I'd be happy if I could just get my wife acknowledge what is going on, get some help and maybe get some level of control of it.  But, I also know I may be dreaming there, too.

She will eventually acknowledge various problems, this weekend she acknowledged that she has an anger problem, but then says that she "can't control it", then when I tell her she can, she says she doesn't want to.

I think she has some level of awareness of the damage that she's doing, but she makes it clear that has no desire to face the issues and try to deal with them.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Want2know]

It's good that you are gathering knowledge of what BPD/NPD is, and that you support your wife seeking professional help.  Has she mentioned that she wants to go to counseling, or has she been before and had a diagnosis?

It is said often on this board that telling their partner what they are (BPD/NPD) and forcing them to do therapy can have all sorts of negative outcomes.  I'm sure that the members on this board can share their experiences and advice with you about that.

If you take a look at the Lessons (see quick links to the right of the screen), you will see there are many aspects of working on maintaining a relationship such as yours.  Such as, finding inner strength and hope.  There is a great workshop on taking care of yourself through all of this... . what some ways that you are doing this?

You can check out the workshop here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=112473.0