Being replaced bothers me more than not being with exBPDh

[Popcorn71]

I have been sitting here thinking, after seeing photos of my exBPDh and the replacement.

My first thought is - how could he dump me for somebody so plain and unattractive with nothing to offer him?  She really isn't his type from what he told me during our 9 years together.  BUT she is 'one of the gang' in the new crowd he is associating with and so desperately trying to fit in with.

My second thought, is that if he were on his own, I wouldn't be so upset.  I expected him to be on his own after we split up and I didn't know about the replacement for a while.  He always told me that if we ever got divorced he would remain single and I really thought he would.

So from this, I think that it isn't him I want and miss.  It is just the 'being wanted' by somebody.  And I don't want him to be doing better than me after the breakup he wanted.  But had it got to the point where I wanted to dump him, I wouldn't care two hoots what he was doing now.

I think maybe I just have a case of badly bruised ego and dented pride 

[Tincup]

Popcorn71-I am right there with you.  I couldn't really put my finger on it, but I am right there in your boat.  Not really sure what to say to help make things any better as I have not figured it out myself...

[bpdspell]

Popcorn,

There is nothing wrong with having pride and a bruised ego. It's called being human and having feelings. I broke up with my ex and days after he already had a replacement waiting in the wings. And damn did it hurt. It was like eating a hamburger made out of glass. This overwhelming feeling of injustice takes over you because every fiber in your being wants them to suffer; preferable alone. In my mind this hateful person who treated me worse than anyone I've ever met in my adult life does not deserve a taste of happiness and dammit I was so angry that I thought my head would explode from the rage.

Even though I broke up with my ex I felt like a half-eaten sandwich tossed out of a car window. The way they replace you without a thought is really cruel but in time you're ego will patch itself up and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel: that he is HER problem now.

Out BPD ex's are no prize no matter who they're with. They are still the same disordered, narcissistic and entitled human beings we experienced when we were with them and now they'll be that way for someone else. And while they do not wear their suffering on their sleeves for others to see they are internally damaged and toxic on a level that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

By the time I met my ex he had damaged so many lovers, friends and family members but since they never make amends for their wrongdoings or grieve they carrying all of that garbage with them and this only intensifies their guilt, their shame and their BPD. Each relationship is a cumulative car wreck pile up carried within their hearts.

Being replaced like a coin in a gum ball slot hurts but being out of this relationship is a true blessing. He cannot hurt you anymore and that is the real win to appreciate today.

Spell

[imstronghere2]

Popcorn,

There is nothing wrong with have pride and a bruised ego. It's called being human and having feelings. I broke up with my ex and days after he already had a replacement waiting in the wings. And damn did it hurt. It was like eating a hamburger made out of glass. This overwhelming feeling of injustice takes over you because every fiber in your being wants them to suffer; preferable alone. In my mind this hateful person who treated me worse than anyone I've ever met in my adult life does not deserve a taste of happiness and dammit I was so angry that I thought my head would explode from the rage.

Even though I broke up with my ex I felt like a half-eaten sandwich tossed out of a car window. The way they replace you without a thought is really cruel but in time you're ego will patch itself up and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel: that he is HER problem now.

Out BPD ex's are no prize no matter who they're with. They are still the same disordered, narcissistic and entitled human beings we experienced when we were with them and now they'll be that way for someone else. And while they do not wear their suffering on their sleeves for others to see they are internally damaged and toxic on a level that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

By the time I met my ex he had damaged so many lovers, friends and family members but since they never make amends for their wrongdoings or grieve they carrying all of that garbage with them and this only intensifies their guilt, their shame and their BPD. Each relationship is a cumulative car wreck pile up carried within their hearts.

Being replaced like a coin in a gum ball slot hurts but being out of this relationship is a true blessing. He cannot hurt you anymore and that is the real win to appreciate today.

Spell

VERY well stated and right on!

[Glef]

It's absolutely the worst.

Especially when you are made to feel so special and wanted, only to find out you are so easily replaced.

[knotknewbie]

I relate to the 100th degree.  This exact same thing happened to me only we all work together so I have to WITNESS the "honeymoon" period on a daily basis.  I thought about trying to "rescue" the new target but realized that my words and warnings would have no defense against the pedestal and idealization that the exBPD is now heaping onto her.  But as we all know, the idealization phase only lasts so long and then you are knocked off the pedestal... . you do something small, the BPD feels abandoned, and they never trust you in the same way again... .    I am just counting down the minutes until this next relationship implodes too... .

[restoredsight]

I've never once read that they upgrade, and this has been my personal experience as well. I think my wife is starting something with a felon, and while I always considered him a nice guy, having a felony makes all sorts of things harder.

It's not about me. It's about her easing her feelings.

My wife has tried on lifestyles and men like coats, and always ends up discarding them. I actually dont take it personally at this point. I tried my best and made a go of it, new guy has no clue what they are in for. I fully expect it will happen all over again until she goes hermit.

[starshine]

Popcorn,

There is nothing wrong with having pride and a bruised ego. It's called being human and having feelings. I broke up with my ex and days after he already had a replacement waiting in the wings. And damn did it hurt. It was like eating a hamburger made out of glass. This overwhelming feeling of injustice takes over you because every fiber in your being wants them to suffer; preferable alone. In my mind this hateful person who treated me worse than anyone I've ever met in my adult life does not deserve a taste of happiness and dammit I was so angry that I thought my head would explode from the rage.

Even though I broke up with my ex I felt like a half-eaten sandwich tossed out of a car window. The way they replace you without a thought is really cruel but in time you're ego will patch itself up and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel: that he is HER problem now.

Out BPD ex's are no prize no matter who they're with. They are still the same disordered, narcissistic and entitled human beings we experienced when we were with them and now they'll be that way for someone else. And while they do not wear their suffering on their sleeves for others to see they are internally damaged and toxic on a level that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

By the time I met my ex he had damaged so many lovers, friends and family members but since they never make amends for their wrongdoings or grieve they carrying all of that garbage with them and this only intensifies their guilt, their shame and their BPD. Each relationship is a cumulative car wreck pile up carried within their hearts.

Being replaced like a coin in a gum ball slot hurts but being out of this relationship is a true blessing. He cannot hurt you anymore and that is the real win to appreciate today.



Spell

So spot on, BPDspell.  Thanks for putting this into words.  It seems statistically impossible that we were in the same relationship, but your post mirrors what my experience has been.  I appreciate your thoughtful and positive spin on the situation.