What do they do with all that anger/pain when we're out of the picture.

[buddy1226]

I've wondered this for a while now. My exBPD was a nightmare as most are. She didn't rage but would be verbally and emotionally abusive as hell with the occasional psychotic episode. Drank and took pills every day. I never knew what I was gong to get and mostly it was her being mean as hell. Passive stuff. Not coming home, Triangulation and alliance building  every conversation was her letting me have it or just things to push my buttons. Basically a very unhappy person in every way but putting on a different face to everyone but me.

So what happens when we are gone? I know the replacement thing and the stages but I don't see mine finding one so fast. Instead I see her whoring around and game playing with several while waiting for the next sucker.

She's not that attractive of a package. She's good looking and comes off as cool as hell but she's 35, has a 6 year old and his father that is around all the time for Triangulation. It's weird as hell. Then there is never ending drama, drinking and pill taking.

Are there some that do not get replacement relationships and just whore around? I'm guessing whoever is closest to them gets the heat. My ex would keep drama in her family. Always at odds with someone. Never cool with everyone. It was exhausting but at the same time addictive. When all that is suddenly gone and I'm alone it's like I don't know what to do. I was definitely addicted to the drama.

[Want2know]

It was exhausting but at the same time addictive. When all that is suddenly gone and I'm alone it's like I don't know what to do. I was definitely addicted to the drama.

I was thinking recently that most of the folks on this board had a lot of drama in their relationships, and wondering why we stayed.  Was it that we were 'addicted' to the drama?

At one point in my self-inquiry, I recognized that I have had some underlying depression that stems from way back in my childhood.  It has come and gone my entire life.  The periods where I felt ok were either because I had developed good coping methods, or I was in a relationship that was filled with drama.  When there was drama, it took me away from 'my stuff' and gave me a focus - helping them.  Just some thoughts I wanted to share, as I'm wondering if this is something you can relate to.

To answer your question where does the anger/pain go... . you are right.  It does get put on the others who are around them.  Family, friends, strangers, themselves.

As for replacement relationships, it depends.  I know my ex had a few, but had more longer periods of being single.  I'm sure he slept around in that period (or at least tried).  That's how he sought validation - through sex.

I would encourage you to focus more on your statement of why you were addicted to the drama and what you will do differently now that you are out of that relationship.  Are you ready to do that?

[goingtostopthis]

Ive been wondering about the same thing.   My ex doesnt really have any friends.  Hes by himself about 80 to 90 percent of the time.  He has some male friends that stop by every now and then but not that often.  His parents live near by ,but even they dont touch in on him that much at all.  His average day is walking to the store and back, walking some dogs for this neighbor girl and then back home again.  I dont know if hes tranfered his lonliness onto the internet or not. He doesnt appear to be on his FB page that much at all. He could be chatting with some girl in California, hes in England for solace or something.  Who knows.  He was pretty dependant on me and vise versa.  Everyday and night for at least 6 months.  I imagine hes made himself sick and is gaining sympathy from his parents.  He doesnt cut or anything, Thank God,  but he does it in other symbolic ways, like making himself sick. getting head aches that he claims make him go blind, but wont take any medication for them.? Its like self punishment or a way to continue the attention he wants for as long as possible.

                     I think its perfectly normal to wonder about something like this, especially if youve really gotten to know the person and their habits. I often wonder if his being alone now isnt another form of self punishment. More for him to feel sorry for himself about. Hes made a huge mistake and it makes me wonder how long its gong to take before he realizes it.  I know one thing, Ive been too nice, giving him little loving chat messages here and     there, so he still knows Im hanging on waiting for him. If hes got no money to eat on,  I know he's eating on this. I want to and Im going to stop. I have to be kind to myself and ween myself off this and I am.  I thinking of developing some kind of project for myself that will excite me and keep my mind off him. I shouldnt care, but things are pretty fresh here with this situation so Im going to do my best to be as loving and patience with myself as possible.   

[Allmessedup]

It was exhausting but at the same time addictive. When all that is suddenly gone and I'm alone it's like I don't know what to do. I was definitely addicted to the drama.

I was thinking recently that most of the folks on this board had a lot of drama in their relationships, and wondering why we stayed.  Was it that we were 'addicted' to the drama?

At one point in my self-inquiry, I recognized that I have had some underlying depression that stems from way back in my childhood.  It has come and gone my entire life.  The periods where I felt ok were either because I had developed good coping methods, or I was in a relationship that was filled with drama.  When there was drama, it took me away from 'my stuff' and gave me a focus - helping them.  Just some thoughts I wanted to share, as I'm wondering if this is something you can relate to

Oh my!  This isn't my post but now that you say that I can certainly say that relates to me!  Wow!  I never thought about that.  But it's true.  I was very much addicted to the drama as it kept me from having to look at me!

Solving her problems was much safer for me than to take a good hard look at what my problems are.  Even when we first broke up I concentrated a lot on what her issues were which is why I ended up here.

But thru reading on this site and learning thru the posts I have found that I very much have my own issues and the only way I can change my life is to focus on myself.  I however didn't realize that I was using the drama as a coping skill to hide from my own problems until now.

Thanks so very much for the insight