Does she think that I am going to bring her something

[State85]

So I go to swim last night. Was at the pool about an hour. Get out, and a text from the exgf. Wanting me to bring her something sweet. She has a craving for a milk shake or something. Thought this was a joke, but wasn't.

Now, we've been broken up about 5 mos. She has been through 2 (that I know of) relationships... . if you can call them that. And is currently seeing someone about 5 hrs away, although she denies they are seeing each other.

Does she really believe, or think, that I am going to bring her something just cause she has a craving. This is amazing to me. She just will not let go.

Not really looking for guidance with this post, just wanted to share.

[Waifed]

Booty call... . or needed some soothing.  Watch out for the hooks... .

[State85]

Waifed... . hear ya.

Wonder how her new bf would feel about this?

[Perfidy]

I know. What the heck do they think. The ex wanted me to date her and take her out while her boyfriend was out of town right after we split up. I of course fell into it for a couple weeks because I was in shock but snapped out of it when I began to see how messed up it was. Oh ya

[seeking balance]

Does she really believe, or think, that I am going to bring her something just cause she has a craving. This is amazing to me. She just will not let go.

It didn't hurt to ask in her opinion - she isn't nearly as attached to the outcome as you are.

[blondie79]

State85,

That is just plain head shaking crazy, right there.  To answer your question, yes, I think it is an attempt to at least test the waters.  Did you respond?

Blondie79

[State85]

State85,

That is just plain head shaking crazy, right there.  To answer your question, yes, I think it is an attempt to at least test the waters.  Did you respond?

Blondie79

No I didn't respond. Makes me wonder what she did when we were in a r/s and might have been out of town, or just not around when she "needed" me.

[Waifed]

State85,

That is just plain head shaking crazy, right there.  To answer your question, yes, I think it is an attempt to at least test the waters.  Did you respond?

Blondie79

No I didn't respond. Makes me wonder what she did when we were in a r/s and might have been out of town, or just not around when she "needed" me.

You wouldn't be the first one to have that cross their mind.  I've thought the same thing more than once.

[GreenMango]

State was it typical for you to come running or respond to her requests for milkshakes or other things while you were together?

The reason I ask is human behavior can be fairly predictable... . even with BPD and sometimes it doesn't have anything to do with BPD.  Pavlov did the eexperiment with dogs and dinnertime with the bell.  Ring the bell before dinner and the dogs are conditioned to think food is on its way.  We can inadvertently train or reinforce behavior, negative or positive, in others just by our response.  If you've been around kids or teenagers I'm sure you've noticed the testing of boundaries or limits... . It's natural for them to do so.  As we mature, if we mature, these limits become more recognizable.

Drop everything to bring milkshakes ... . The person is going to expect milkshakes.

This goes for engaging with the person in the recycling after long periods of time apart.  If you've done it before the usual expectation is this is normal.

Sometimes we don'teven realize how profoundly our own actions affect tthe relationship and set the standard for the future.  I'm assuming since you've startedto say nno you are staring to notice your own boundaries and how you are respond to others.

[State85]

GreenMango,

When we were in a r/s I would have done that for her. But not now. She can get that from my replacement(s). It's just the nerve of her to ask, thinking I will. The things she does never cease to amaze me.

[seeking balance]

GreenMango,

When we were in a r/s I would have done that for her. But not now. She can get that from my replacement(s). It's just the nerve of her to ask, thinking I will. The things she does never cease to amaze me.

Depersonalizing her actions will go a long way in helping to detach.  BPD is a real mental illness, not something she does just to piss you off necessarily.

Look over to the right - 5 Stages of Detachment... . it sounds like this post might fall under stage 1 - acknowledgment.

What would it look like if you were to take this same post and move into stage 2:  self-inquiry?

[myself]

Maybe her phone contacts say Ex and Next Ex and she sent it to the wrong one? 

[GreenMango]

GreenMango,

When we were in a r/s I would have done that for her. But not now. She can get that from my replacement(s). It's just the nerve of her to ask, thinking I will. The things she does never cease to amaze me.

It's what has come to be normal.   This used to be your guys routine.  Things have changed since then and she is still in the routine because it used to work before.  Obviously it doesn't work for you anynore... . she hasn't recognized that or thought what the heck it's worth a try he used do it.

It's that simple.  I hate to say it but it is.

Looking at SB's questions  about where you might find yourself now and self inquiry is important... . There's a  real possibility if you don't address this dynamic you may find yourself in a similar circumstance the next time around.  Giving to much, maybe to little boundaries, working or going above and beyond what's healthy for you to please another person.