feel like crap

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Why do I feel so discarded... angry about ex BPD. I did so much for her over the years... . now I see what a fool I was. She is a cold hearted vulture. I am confused, angry, fell lost in a fog. Even her so - called friends who were my friends too don't contact me. I doubt they were her friends to begin with.

Can anyone offer me some sage advice to make sense out of this black cloud over my head... . please?

[cron65]

Why do I feel so discarded... angry about ex BPD. I did so much for her over the years... . now I see what a fool I was. She is a cold hearted vulture. I am confused, angry, fell lost in a fog. Even her so - called friends who were my friends too don't contact me. I doubt they were her friends to begin with.

Can anyone offer me some sage advice to make sense out of this black cloud over my head... . please?

[Rapt Reader]

Hey, cron65... .

I'm really sorry you are feeling so terrible, and are having such a hard time with detaching from your Ex 

Have you had the chance to check out The Lessons links to the right-hand side of this page? The information over there gives you a really good idea of what you've been going through, and why. It sounds like you are at "Stage 1" of the 5 Stages of Detachment (getting to Acknowledgment):

Get in touch with your true feelings. Feel them. Don't avoid, distort, or minimize them.

When things are going well for us, when we feel strong and positive. When we're healthy and full of inspiration and when we're in love it's easy to wonder why the yogic texts carry on so much about detachment.

When we're faced with loss, grief, or failure, it looks much more appealing—our practice in detachment becomes a lifeline that can move us out of acute suffering into something close to peace.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT [Stage 1]: When we're dealing with a major loss or strong attachment, we begin our healing by acknowledging and working with our feelings. The feelings that are the stickiest aspects of attachment are:

the excited desire we feel when we want something, 

the anxiety we feel about losing it, and 

the sense of hopelessness that can arise when we fail to achieve it.

Acknowledgment doesn't just mean recognizing that we want something badly or that we're feeling loss. When you want something, feel how you want it—find the wanting feeling in your body.

Remember when you were feeling cocky about a victory and you beat your chest and said, "Me, me, me!"

Rather than pushing away the anxiety and fear of losing what you care about, let it come up and breathe into it the same way. And when you're experiencing the hopelessness of actual loss, allow it in.

Let yourself cry.

While you are waiting for other Leaving posters to reply to you, it might be helpful if you check out all of the links to the right-hand side of this page... . It's a tough journey to feeling peace in your life again, but if you take it one step at a time (and one link at a time   ), you will make it, cron65... .

[Popcorn71]

I can't offer advice, only understanding.  I know exactly how you feel.

I was thinking the same thing about 'friends' today.  One particular couple became very good friends of mine after knowing them for 9 years when I was with my ex.  I have visited them twice since my divorce but they have not contacted me at all.  There are various other 'friends' who I know have been in touch with my ex.  Even my stepsister wished him a happy birthday on Facebook!

I can do without friends like that.  I am sure you can too.

At a time like this you certainly learn who you can rely on.  You have support here too.

[Mutt]

Why do I feel so discarded... angry about ex BPD. I did so much for her over the years... . now I see what a fool I was.

I'm sorry about the pain that your ex BPD has caused you. It's a deep pain, I share a similar experience. I did a lot for my ex as well. More than what I'm proud of. It is what it is.

Please, don't be hard on yourself.

To truly heal from this difficult, painful, confusing experience, it starts here >

Get in touch with your true feelings. Feel them. Don't avoid, distort, or minimize them.

It takes time to process this stuff cron65. Hang in there.

- Mutt