The dog days...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My uBPDexW and I have now been divorced for a little over a month - she's also been out of the house for about the same period of time.  I've been keeping super busy - coaching football and baseball for my son's teams, playing as much music as possible, hanging out with friends when I can... . and yet I'm struggling, badly.  I literally CANNOT stop thinking about her.  I know my struggle is very typical, especially for a lot of the men on this board - she's easily the most beautiful woman I've ever been with.  It's driving me crazy because I want her back so bad.  The worst part is, I'm pretty sure I could have her back in a heartbeat (she did not want the divorce - and she will randomly text me every few days... . I fall for it every time).

I know everything is fresh, and I know I don't do well with change... . but this has got to stop.

I'm barely hanging onto a thread... . and for what, I don't even know.  Attachment leads to suffering; Detachment leads to freedom.  I need to read what's written on the right side of the screen here... . hahaha

I just needed a small rant here this morning, thanks for listening  

[ts919]

My uBPDexW and I have now been divorced for a little over a month - she's also been out of the house for about the same period of time.  I've been keeping super busy - coaching football and baseball for my son's teams, playing as much music as possible, hanging out with friends when I can... . and yet I'm struggling, badly.  I literally CANNOT stop thinking about her.  I know my struggle is very typical, especially for a lot of the men on this board - she's easily the most beautiful woman I've ever been with.  It's driving me crazy because I want her back so bad.  The worst part is, I'm pretty sure I could have her back in a heartbeat (she did not want the divorce - and she will randomly text me every few days... . I fall for it every time).

I know everything is fresh, and I know I don't do well with change... . but this has got to stop.

I'm barely hanging onto a thread... . and for what, I don't even know.  Attachment leads to suffering; Detachment leads to freedom.  I need to read what's written on the right side of the screen here... . hahaha

I just needed a small rant here this morning, thanks for listening  

[corraline]

Listening to you... .

I understand, its hard.  I feel the same way alot.  I am detaching, but I still miss the good times and long for him often. 

Sometimes I think the key to getting thru this is being okay with how you feel right now.  Is for me, when I judge and criticize myself for my feelings , i get even more messed up.

Take care 

[heartandwhole]

Hi ts919,

In times of stress, it's normal to want to go back to what we know... . even if it was painful before.  You are not alone in that.  This could be the withdrawal stage in abandonment grief, and it's super tough.  The tools to the right will help, but you know that. 

What is underneath that feeling of wanting her? Fear?  Loneliness?  "I'm not good enough?" Grief like this opens up our deepest wounds and it's an opportunity to explore them with compassion and understanding.

It's great that you are keeping busy, distracting the mind.  It's important to get to a place where you can feel your feelings, too.  That can't be skipped. 

This is a safe place to rant.  We're here for you.