I feel so unworthy and tossed aside

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Radiohead's "Creep" describes my feelings perfectly. I'm really sad and depressed today. I'm really missing him. I feel so unworthy and tosses aside. When will these feelings subside? I don't trust my ability to pick a healthy partner this my second borderline relationship. I've messed up so much in life what good man would want me?

That aside... . I told him everything... . When we were friends.

Really struggling.

[Cardinals in Flight]

I'm sorry you're struggling.  I have felt and still do feel cast aside, or kicked to the curb from time to time.  But that's me! Now that I'm more aware of my downfalls and how to rein them in, I'm a great catch, and she is really missing out on someone who would've remained devoted and loyal her illness and all... .

Time is your friend, feel everything, move around and keep putting one foot in front of the other, one hour, one day at a time.

(())

CiF

[BuildingFromScratch]

I hope you feel better. It's been years for me and I'm still not over it. It's different for each person. As the intensity of the love, duration and types of abuse endured would affect how long it may take... . But it does improve, I promise you that! I really do understand feeling low and unworthy. I still feel that myself some days. You also said "I've messed up so much". I felt like the biggest screw up in the world when my relationship ended. But that's because she blamed me for everything... . and I believed it. What you should ask yourself is "How could someone treat me like this and blame me for everything?" "How could I let someone do this to me?"

When I first got out of the relationship, I looked for someone else. But now I know I need to heal myself before I get into a relationship. Being needy is what made me end up with this soul destroyer.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Thanks you guys... I feel better after some exercise.

I was just thinking, however, (I'm gonna hijack my own thread)

Isn't it interesting ... . most of us "nons" are in therapy... . but our BPD ex's

aren't! Baffling. Shows we want to change... and that we have big hearts...

and that we are capable of loving

[Pecator]

H27, I am so sorry you are in this pain. I feel it in your words.

For me this has been the most difficult pain to get through. I could deal with losing her. I could deal with losing her to a man she once convinced me she could never love as much as she loved me. I could deal with how she timed her splitting me for the exact moment my life was most fragile. The one thing I am still stuck on is that she did all this by eradicating any meaning I or our relationship had.Her father almost died this week. He and I were close. She never had the decency to let me know. I found out through a mutual friend.

Our 2.5 years have no more meaning than a second date

He did not toss you aside. He pushed away every bad relationship, every open wound, every unresolved issue that brings him fear and pain. Unfortunately our humanity gets lost in their struggle. It was not you, but every trigger he found in you and your relationship that he is running from. Their fear of fire allows them to trample others on the way to the fire exit.

It is up to you to find your humanity again. You are in the right place. The people here are the type that stay and help the wounded to escape that fire.

Blessings and 

[Emelie Emelie]

I know how painful those feelings are.  And that fear about never falling in love again or being incapable of having a healthy relationship.   

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Thanks you guys. This is very hard... I hate to admit it, but it took a serious blow to my ego.

I was out of his league... . so selfishly... and unhealthily... I thought well... . he'll treat me right... .

Because that's what we are told right? Give the nice guys a chance... work under your league...

stop being so picky about looks and you'll find a better man...

Big mistake... he was very insecure in the relationship... constantly trying to make me jealous...

then slowly started devaluing my looks... while simultaneously telling me I was beautiful in another sense.

It was mind screwing and left me questioning everything...

Was my personality not good enough... . was I not thin enough pretty enough?

I know it sounds really dumb... but my self esteem has some serious rebuilding to occur in order for me

to be in a good place again. I really trusted him... . he gave me every reason to trust him all the time we were

friends... all the times he told me if I just gave him a chance he would do right by me.

One of his brutal breakups was on valentines day... . he convinced himself I did something I didn't do,

so he betrayed me in a VERY big way and I STILL took him back.

I should have left then.

[Popcorn71]

Thanks you guys. This is very hard... I hate to admit it, but it took a serious blow to my ego.

I was out of his league... . so selfishly... and unhealthily... I thought well... . he'll treat me right... .

Because that's what we are told right? Give the nice guys a chance... work under your league...

stop being so picky about looks and you'll find a better man...

Big mistake... he was very insecure in the relationship... constantly trying to make me jealous...

then slowly started devaluing my looks... while simultaneously telling me I was beautiful in another sense.

It was mind screwing and left me questioning everything...

Was my personality not good enough... . was I not thin enough pretty enough?

I know it sounds really dumb... but my self esteem has some serious rebuilding to occur in order for me

to be in a good place again. I really trusted him... . he gave me every reason to trust him all the time we were

friends... all the times he told me if I just gave him a chance he would do right by me.


I should have left then.

This was my situation too.