exBPDbf Birthday today..whateva

[Banshee]

Mostly just typing out thoughts... His Birthday is today and I have no desire or need to text or call... but still have this yearning that it will trigger him into wanting to reach out from fear he has lost me  for good when I don't acknowledge his special day.These thoughts irritate me because they make me feel so desperate and out of control.

I finally got out today and went grocery shopping ,on the way home I got teary eyed ... not sure if it was the music or just being in the car driving... Ive been thinking of trading my explorer in for a car for awhile but today it really felt like it would do me some good... a change I reckon.

I did text my best friend and  made plans for the movies next weekend... I just have to focus and not back out! grrr! she would kill me If I did so I may just need to set my mind to be there...

Is there any changes that you made after the break up? Hair clothes ... make over moving etc that seemed to make a difference?

[AwakenedOne]

Mostly just typing out thoughts... His Birthday is today and I have no desire or need to text or call... but still have this yearning that it will trigger him into wanting to reach out from fear he has lost me  for good when I don't acknowledge his special day.These thoughts irritate me because they make me feel so desperate and out of control.

I finally got out today and went grocery shopping ,on the way home I got teary eyed ... not sure if it was the music or just being in the car driving... Ive been thinking of trading my explorer in for a car for awhile but today it really felt like it would do me some good... a change I reckon.

I did text my best friend and  made plans for the movies next weekend... I just have to focus and not back out! grrr! she would kill me If I did so I may just need to set my mind to be there...

Is there any changes that you made after the break up? Hair clothes ... make over moving etc that seemed to make a difference?

I got a Richard Simmons style perm after the breakup for a change. That changed things where no woman now is interested in me whatsoever looking like this. :'(

BTW, the above statement is not true . Seriously, I did minor changes. I listen to a different type of music now - more positive meaningful stuff, happy mostly. The Avett Brothers are my fav. I now practice guitar skills more and learn a lot of songs. This kept my mind off of her.

Peace,

AO

[Cardinals in Flight]

I went shopping and got new clothes, lost 25# in the fall I also got my hair colored a tad to hide the gray, all stuff to boost me up a little bit.

I'm still doing the things I always did, creature of habit.

[Banshee]

I got a Richard Simmons style perm after the breakup for a change. That changed things where no woman now is interested in me whatsoever looking like this. cry

It is 743pm my time and this has been the only thing I've laughed at all day! Thank you so much!  and thank you for it not being true! ew.

I went shopping and got new clothes, lost 25#

I want to join a gym but nervous about going alone... I've been eating more but with me doing all the travelling to and from  the ex I lost weight while being with him... now I'm finding it ... not so fun.

When you have been  begging and chasing and finding reasons to contact  and then stop and let a birthday go by without a word... do you think they notice? or care?

[Cardinals in Flight]

I'll tell you a secret, the Xs bday (a big one) is a few months off and I'm dreading it now, how stupid is that?  :'(

Anyway, birthdays were a BIG deal and when she ignored mine after a disagreement I was devastated, it hurt me so much.  When I asked if she felt bad? Nope, she didn't intentionally hurt me.  That defies logic, at least to me.

I'm not sure what I'd do Banshee, I'd be inclined to text, but then everything is different now and the cycle must stop.  You reached out, there's been no reply, maybe just stay quiet?  Let him know you are really moving on... .

I'm glad I'm not in your shoes today, birthdays are very important  :'( :'(

CiF

Ps, just walk out your front door for starters, don't be afraid of the gym either, they're just people too

[Banshee]

I couldn't text... . for me to say that I couldn't text  and on his birthday I know I have reached out enough and have done all I can... He most likely wouldn't respond or a  just a simple thank you...

I texted him about a month ago and told him  I had minor surgery and he didn't seem to even care to ask about it ... guess what? He still hasn't asked about that minor surgery ... not one word, he has no idea what kind of surgery or anything... I think of that when I second guess my decision to stay no contact on his birthday.

I'm sorry Cardinals in Flight that she forgot your birthday that had to be so hurtful... are ya'll married /living together?

I'm asking because  nobodys going to forget my birthday if we live in the same house because I talk about it for a week in advance! How much I love cake ... how much I love presents... how much I love my birthday,,lol ... that's just me  I'm silly like that

[Cardinals in Flight]

No we did not live together ever, and she did not forget, she ignored as I was in the deep freeze of the silent treatment.  The disagreement prior to my birthday had been due to issues around planning it.

In the brief contact several weeks ago, (6 weeks ago) I relayed that my mothers cancer had returned, she said my mom was tough and that she'd had a very bad few days at work and things were horrible for HER.  So I can totally relate to your surgery story and I'm so sorry, that has to hurt, and you're right, you shouldn't have wished him HB.  Wouldn't you think she'd at least have asked recently? And he would've done the same to you?  Smh... .  That's how black we are I guess? It sucks  to know she can't gather enough to inquire, him too! I see how she treats others and it's difficult to reconcile.

This has helped me today, helped me to know I'm doing the right thing by marching forward.

CiF

[guitargrl]

I can so relate to you all's surgery stories…. When I had surgery, had to be put under etc…I came home and apparently my 12 plus year ex husband who I have 3 children with who is in a happy committed relationship had posted a nice positive song on my Facebook…well my ex just txted me out of the blue "see ya around" right after I got home, while I was in terrible pain and recovering…couldn't figure out what I did to trigger him…left alone in the worst pain.  Found out later it was the song! Ugh… It was never acknowledged how bad that hurt, just that I hurt him. I think of that sometimes when I need to stay no contact, as well as a million equally miserable things!

Hang in there Banshee. Your doing great!  I have done some things like running, biking, gym, playing more music, baking, hair color cut etc to try and just feel better, focus on me!

[HappyNihilist]

I did text my best friend and  made plans for the movies next weekend... I just have to focus and not back out! grrr! she would kill me If I did so I may just need to set my mind to be there...

That sounds like fun. Girl time, plus a movie to take your mind off things.   Were you thinking of seeing "The Other Woman"?

I know it seems daunting to get out and try to interact. But I've enjoyed just getting out -- even if only for a quick trip to a local store, only talking to people when I need to. For some reason, I've found a lot of comfort in just browsing the aisles of the dollar store or pharmacy when it's quiet there. I know that sounds a bit "crazy lady who mothers warn their children about," but hey it works for me.  

When you have been  begging and chasing and finding reasons to contact  and then stop and let a birthday go by without a word... do you think they notice? or care?

Oh, I'm sure they notice. Your silence truly does speak louder than words. And my impression is that birthdays and anniversaries are very important to pwBPD -- just not in the same ways or for the same reasons that they're important to others, perhaps.

I couldn't text... . for me to say that I couldn't text  and on his birthday I know I have reached out enough and have done all I can..

You should be proud of yourself. You've come such a long way, and you seem very committed to your decision. It only gets better from here, I promise.  

I'm asking because  nobodys going to forget my birthday if we live in the same house because I talk about it for a week in advance! How much I love cake ... how much I love presents... how much I love my birthday,,lol ... that's just me   I'm silly like that

I talk about my birthday for a week (or weeks, ha) in advance, too. Someone would have to be working really hard to "forget" mine.

Anyway, birthdays were a BIG deal and when she ignored mine after a disagreement I was devastated, it hurt me so much.  When I asked if she felt bad? Nope, she didn't intentionally hurt me.  That defies logic, at least to me.

I'm so sorry, CiF.   I can imagine you were devastated by it.

My exbf ignored mine, too. When I told him that it hurt me... . well, that just started a huge fight that basically led to the Big Finale.

[Banshee]

In the brief contact several weeks ago, (6 weeks ago) I relayed that my mothers cancer had returned, she said my mom was tough and that she'd had a very bad few days at work and things were horrible for HER.

what's up with that? My ex would say things at such inappropriate  times like the time I was telling him about  me having to move and hard it was going to be financially... his EXACT words was ... "Be nice to me I've worked all day" WHAT? how does that even fit in to what I was talking about

Found out later it was the song! Ugh… It was never acknowledged how bad that hurt, just that I hurt him.

Yep understand that one too... oh my gosh!

He told me that an ex asked if she could come stay with him when she got out of PRISON he told me he kinda laughed and said we'll have to think about that ... when he said this to me I pulled away and walked outside because of course I was hurt by what he said... he walks out I'm thinking he is worried about me ,,nope he was so upset and hurt and just could not believe I pulled away... Not one word could be spoke about his reponse to what he said to her ... ONLY that I pulled away and HE was hurt... Man oh man... please let me know if anyone finds my common sense ... what was I thinking,

[Banshee]

Were you thinking of seeing "The Other Woman"?

I know it seems daunting to get out and try to interact. But I've enjoyed just getting out -- even if only for a quick trip to a local store, only talking to people when I need to. For some reason, I've found a lot of comfort in just browsing the aisles of the dollar store or pharmacy when it's quiet there. I know that sounds a bit "crazy lady who mothers warn their children about," but hey it works for me.

Yes I am crazy about the previews of this movie!

I love the dollar store ! they are everywhere now and it's so much better to go there and never see anyone you know compared to walmart where everybody and their mama is there!

You should be proud of yourself. You've come such a long way, and you seem very committed to your decision. It only gets better from here, I promise.  love

This one is hard to see... I'm still 5 days away from the 10 I reached then failed last  week... After I get those 10 down I'll feel better... I think

Thank ya'll so much, the hours are going by faster ... 2 1/2 hours left before his BD is over  then I can sleep the guilt off hopefully...

[HappyNihilist]

Were you thinking of seeing "The Other Woman"?

Yes I am crazy about the previews of this movie!

I think Cameron Diaz is absolutely hilarious. Have you seen The Sweetest Thing and Bad Teacher?

I love the dollar store ! they are everywhere now and it's so much better to go there and never see anyone you know compared to walmart where everybody and their mama is there!

Exactly!  I love my local dollar store so much. And amazingly I have never once run into someone I know there. It's a relaxing little place for me. Not to mention that sometimes I find some seriously good stuff. 

This one is hard to see... I'm still 5 days away from the 10 I reached then failed last  week... After I get those 10 down I'll feel better... I think

I think you'll feel better even sooner... . tomorrow morning when you get up and congratulate yourself on not contacting him on his birthday.   Your mindset is the biggest victory -- that can't be measured in days.

This has helped me today, helped me to know I'm doing the right thing by marching forward.

Yes, you are! You've done great work and should be very proud of yourself too, CiF. 

well my ex just txted me out of the blue "see ya around" right after I got home, while I was in terrible pain and recovering…couldn't figure out what I did to trigger him…left alone in the worst pain.  Found out later it was the song! Ugh… It was never acknowledged how bad that hurt, just that I hurt him. I think of that sometimes when I need to stay no contact, as well as a million equally miserable things!

Oh yes... . I have similar stories, too. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, and the million other things. 

And I'm with you -- it helps sometimes to think of those miseries, if ever I find myself getting a bit too nostalgic.

[AwakenedOne]

This one is hard to see... I'm still 5 days away from the 10 I reached then failed last  week... After I get those 10 down I'll feel better... I think

I counted days like your doing when we broke up and I was proud of myself for having the self respect not to call her. It's been over 8 months NC now. I started off with counting days till I hit 7, then I went by weeks and hit 6 weeks then I forgot to even count anymore because I was thinking less about her. Now I mark the months. Next real mark is the one year point when I can file for divorce. Congrats on the five days.

[Banshee]

Now I mark the months.

I am so impressed with that ... I hope one day I'll get there

I have a app on my phone it's  called "quit now" (how ironic huh?) ... for people to keep up progress on quitting smoking and this is how I use it...

It counts the time... the second I would text him I would hit restart

It counts the cigarettes NOT smoked... I used this function for Texts instead of cigarettes.I guessed about how many texts I sent in a day.

Also it keeps up with the money you save from not smoking each day ... I use this part for the money I spent each week going there

So this is what it looks at this very minute

4 days 23:05:44     (( ALMOST 5))

223 texts not sent

I've saved $55.75

How sad AM I!