Another email

[LuckyEscapee]

As background my relationship with my ex thankfully ended over two years ago, I was replaced almost immediately and he got engaged and has a new baby. He periodically tries to engage me via email usually around my birthday and New Year, but we have been NC for well over a year. I never respond and delete any contact and block new addresses. So have no idea how often he attempts to get to me.

I am profoundly grateful every day I don't have to try and fight the crazy back. My life is wonderful and calm by comparison now. 

I have shut down every possible contact option, blocked him, told him clearly never to contact me again, but he knows where I work and uses new email addresses to get through my filter.

My last birthday passed without invasion, so to be honest I thought the dark chapter was gone for good, but he emailed me last night in the early hours, which I have just unintentionally seen, to tell me he is going on a work trip to Italy which is where my family are from. Then said he hoped I was good in my job.

He knows I won't respond, so why? And why would he think I would care about him going anywhere?

[atcrossroads]

It sounds like he could possibly be trying to recycle the relationship.  He's casting; don't take the bait.

[LuckyEscapee]

Thanks, I won't for sure! I think he knows this though, which made me wonder why he'd bother.

What I find bewildering is the minimal effort throwaway emails. I mean, it says so little why bother saying anything at all?

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

My ex b4 last is BPD... . (2 in a row yay!) She has moved to florida (replacd me in four months living with her by six) bragged to me how great they were doing ect... . Went nc last dec she came back here to visit her mom for xmas... . Wanted to meet up... I declined she was angry a little... But tried to hide it... I was proud of myself... . Recently shes been talking about old times ect being really nice... Dont get it bc shes still with the last one... I was friendly back... . Havent hears from her in like a month now.(she way worse than this last one abusive in everyway)

Its bizarre isnt it? I dont get the point shes with someone else (supposedly happy) and our breakup was too tumulterous to be friends! Sometimes I think its about control for them... Im not,sure she actually wants me back but,rather, wants to make sure that I havent moved on. Jist for the screwes up power of it.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Sorry for typos most these posts are on my phone the keyboard blows so I sound like an idiot!

[LettingGo14]

He knows I won't respond, so why? And why would he think I would care about him going anywhere?

I think it's healthy that you are in a place where you do not respond.   I am curious, however, what feelings came up for you when you stumbled on the e-mail.   I can't hazard a guess at his motives when two years have passed -- but I would like to know how you feel two years out, after reading his attempt to contact you.

[LuckyEscapee]

When I opened it and then realised it was him, I got a really cold chill down my spine and my first thought was how he got through my net again. But to be honest I didn't respond / react anywhere near as bad as I used to. It didn't freak me out like in the past.

I still really query it. I kind of do a risk assessment on it. Is it the start of something dark again?   So I guess I have a need to try and understand his motivations. That is my nature, but I have also learned that BPD is logic free. It is bizarre!

I just don't get why, and why now? But it's also irrelevant because that is his problem... . as long as it doesn't invade my life again. I am done with BPD. I think this was harmless, another throw away contact, but still I just wish he would stop it.

It isn't achieving anything for either of us.

[LettingGo14]

I just don't get why, and why now? But it's also irrelevant because that is his problem... . as long as it doesn't invade my life again. I am done with BPD. I think this was harmless, another throw away contact, but still I just wish he would stop it.

It isn't achieving anything for either of us.

I definitely commend you on: (1) accepting it is not logical, (2) knowing your boundaries, and (3) querying what you felt.   That's huge.  Thanks for sharing.  It helps many of us on here.

[Trent]

What I find bewildering is the minimal effort throwaway emails. I mean, it says so little why bother saying anything at all?

I've read elsewhere on this forum that BPDs never let go.  Which, to be honest, scares me a little in my situation... . but I digress.

I agree with atcrossroads:  he's casting.  He wants to reconnect with you.  And if you were even the slightest bit interested in reconnecting with him, you might take the bait.  That's what he's hoping for, and throwaway emails are probably the easiest way to strike up a dialogue.  And they may also be easy to explain away in case any prying eyes catch a glimpse of them back at the ranch (wife & girlfriend(s) maybe?).

It sounds like you're staying strong and have healed from the relationship... . great job!  Now that I'm almost 5 weeks NC, I hope to be where you are at sooner rather than later

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Lucky... . I hope I get where you are... . Where he no longer affects me anymore.

Its helpful seeing others who have made it through this hell... I know that dark feeling you are talking about

They are a pit of neverending darkness... . And it has a way of sucking the light right out of you. For me anyway. I hate that dreaded feeling.

[LuckyEscapee]

Thanks HBR27, tc33 and LG14 

This site was my rock at a time I was beyond broken, and it still is my touch stone to reality. I don't think anyone can understand the hurt and crazy that BPD brings unless they have crawled blind and hopeless through it personally.

No one else would believe it possible of hurting me and breaking me the way it did. I had always been strong, independent, relationship-savvy, and now I am again thankfully, but here on this site, everyone understands the intensity, the illusion, the disillusion of BPD. Here everyone wants the best for each other. And here, there are other minds and perspectives to take guidance from. I still get a huge amount of value from those like tc33 saying that the briefness of the email I received could be incase it gets seen by his fiancée. That makes a lot of sense, and I never would have thought of that myself.

For those people still struggling down the path, let it be your safe haven and support. You will get there. Choosing to go NC was the biggest step forward for me.

[bruised]

... . and throwaway emails are probably the easiest way to strike up a dialogue.  And they may also be easy to explain away in case any prying eyes catch a glimpse of them back at the ranch (wife & girlfriend(s) maybe?).

That makes sense. I wondered my my friend bothered to contact me with curt emails & texts after a couple of months NC/MC. I responded to both in a similar fashion and she rang me 3 days later. She was testing the waters.