"Peaks and valleys"

[Depression = 72% of members]

After a break in NC (she initiated, I foolishly responded in an emotional fashion, fight ensued, outlined in previous post), she said to me "I always said there would be peaks and valleys in this relationship, and we're just at a low right now."

I agreed that we are at a low and let it go.  No talk since.  I, of course, don't see it this way.  Although it has been challenging, I am committed to NC and more importantly to detaching.  I assume this "peaks and valleys" thing is a summation of a push-pull dynamic, and that it is a fairly apt description of what she would like: to keep me around in such case that she might have some use for me, at which point she'd try to pull me closer. 

Curious as to others' reads on this phrasing.  She did indeed say similar things (although not so explicitly in the past).  Why would I ever have stayed with someone who actually laid that out as a normal circumstance for a relationship?  Is this how she conceptualizes all relationships? 

Ultimately, of course, I realize that this needs to be about me and not her.  I need to detach, and these odd, alienating comments that come out during limited contact help me to do so, I believe.  But at the same time, I get stuck on them, and hearing the views of the people in this community helps. 

[BacknthSaddle]

After a break in NC (she initiated, I foolishly responded in an emotional fashion, fight ensued, outlined in previous post), she said to me "I always said there would be peaks and valleys in this relationship, and we're just at a low right now."

I agreed that we are at a low and let it go.  No talk since.  I, of course, don't see it this way.  Although it has been challenging, I am committed to NC and more importantly to detaching.  I assume this "peaks and valleys" thing is a summation of a push-pull dynamic, and that it is a fairly apt description of what she would like: to keep me around in such case that she might have some use for me, at which point she'd try to pull me closer. 

Curious as to others' reads on this phrasing.  She did indeed say similar things (although not so explicitly in the past).  Why would I ever have stayed with someone who actually laid that out as a normal circumstance for a relationship?  Is this how she conceptualizes all relationships? 

Ultimately, of course, I realize that this needs to be about me and not her.  I need to detach, and these odd, alienating comments that come out during limited contact help me to do so, I believe.  But at the same time, I get stuck on them, and hearing the views of the people in this community helps. 

[AwakenedOne]

Hard to know what your ex meant by "peaks and valleys".

I'm trying to think what it would mean if my ex said that to me during the relationship and after as you have stated... .

"I always said there would be peaks and valleys in this relationship, and we're just at a low right now."

Translation into my ex's perspective:

"""I always said I will not be easy for you to deal with, didn't you listen to me when I informed you of this clearly? I will give you quite a few headaches buddy in our relationship. You better stock up on the aspirins. There will be times when I am irritated with you and I expect you to fix this immediately and grant my wish or do not bother me at the very least. Bothering me and not allowing me to always have my way is something I will consider a valley. And if you put us in this valley too often Mr. you are going to live in that valley all by yourself in a little tent. Down there you can grow crops to eat and live in your tent or sleep with your head against a rock for all I care. I deserve peaks and don't understand why you don't/didn't get with the program. My needs are your program to follow! Do I have to print the program guide out for you? The low right now is you are over there and I am here and you are doing nothing for me currently. But maybe you can be of some use to me one day. I'll think about it and get back to you regarding my decision."""

Just tried to answer your question. Maybe this makes no sense . If nothing else, thanks for allowing me to type it. It was a successful "venting" exercise at the very least.

AO

[BacknthSaddle]

Actually, that makes a lot of sense, and I think there's a good degree of accuracy to it.   Particularly the "maybe you can e of use to me someday" part. So it's my job to make it clear I have no desire to be of any use.