Unusual response from other people - anyone else noticed this?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Lately I have been surprised by how some people have responded to me.  Some more positively than when I was with my exBPDh and some more negatively, but in both cases, entirely different to how they were when I was with him.

For example, last night in the bar, some friends of mine were talking with some women they knew.  Another woman was there and I recognised her as being the wife of one of my ex's acquaintances.  I have spoken to her many times in the past and she would definately have known me.  I said 'hello' and smiled at her.  She looked at me with a face like thunder and then ingored me completely for the next few minutes, until my friends had finished talking to their friends and we left.  It made me feel very uncomfortable and I wonder if my ex has told her something to make her act towards me the way she did.

Similar things have happened with other people.  But on the other hand, some people who were not particularly friendly with me when I was with him, are now very nice to me when they see me.  For example, we were not often invited to family events and his brothers never seemed to want much to do with us.  Now if I see them they are chatty and friendly towards me.

I have noticed that the people who are being unfriendly to me are people that do not know my ex well but are acquaintences or 'friends' and they are also people that he is likely to have spoken to before they have seen me recently.  The people who are being friendly to me now, are people that have known him for most of his life.  As far as I know he is not having much to do with them at the moment although he probably has had the chance to speak to them before they have seen me.

I wonder if the people who know him well have seen his bad behaviour in the past (for example, I believe he left his first wife in a similar manner and immediately took up a replacement) and know what he is like and therefore have an understanding of what he put me through.  Maybe the people who don't know him well are hearing a very different story to what actually happened when our marriage ended?

Has anyone else experienced this?

[Popcorn71]

Lately I have been surprised by how some people have responded to me.  Some more positively than when I was with my exBPDh and some more negatively, but in both cases, entirely different to how they were when I was with him.

For example, last night in the bar, some friends of mine were talking with some women they knew.  Another woman was there and I recognised her as being the wife of one of my ex's acquaintances.  I have spoken to her many times in the past and she would definately have known me.  I said 'hello' and smiled at her.  She looked at me with a face like thunder and then ingored me completely for the next few minutes, until my friends had finished talking to their friends and we left.  It made me feel very uncomfortable and I wonder if my ex has told her something to make her act towards me the way she did.

Similar things have happened with other people.  But on the other hand, some people who were not particularly friendly with me when I was with him, are now very nice to me when they see me.  For example, we were not often invited to family events and his brothers never seemed to want much to do with us.  Now if I see them they are chatty and friendly towards me.

I have noticed that the people who are being unfriendly to me are people that do not know my ex well but are acquaintences or 'friends' and they are also people that he is likely to have spoken to before they have seen me recently.  The people who are being friendly to me now, are people that have known him for most of his life.  As far as I know he is not having much to do with them at the moment although he probably has had the chance to speak to them before they have seen me.

I wonder if the people who know him well have seen his bad behaviour in the past (for example, I believe he left his first wife in a similar manner and immediately took up a replacement) and know what he is like and therefore have an understanding of what he put me through.  Maybe the people who don't know him well are hearing a very different story to what actually happened when our marriage ended?

Has anyone else experienced this?

[going places]

Yes.

My STBex is the 'poor wounded boy, who just doesn't know what to do and just wants to make me happy but just doesn't know how' (imagine that in a high pitched sing songy voice )

He has always allowed ME to the be "grim reaper".

(He doesn't speak to his mom, his choice, but allows the family to blame me, never saying "HEY I don't speak to her, because *I* choose not to speak to her, leave the wife out of this).

Again, another reason to 'peace outta here' and move.

I am packin' up and heading 5 states south of my location.

New state, new town, new house, new job... . New Life.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm gonna hit the 'reset' button on life.

Respawn in a new place, a new person, full of life!

[Perdita]

Hi Popcorn,

It sounds like he is smearing you to people who don't know him that well and are therefore more likely to believe him.  The ones who are more friendly now are probably relieved knowing that you have experienced and seen what they have too.  It is hard to explain to outsiders what we have been put through.  So the ones that are now friendlier probably feel more comfortable in your company than they did when they knew you were still clueless about him. 

[Popcorn71]

Perdita, that's the conclusion I have come to.  All the time I was with him, I thought some people didn't like me.  Now I think it is actually him that they don't like.

[Hudson]

Hi Popcorn71, it's so terrible that's happened (with friends and acquaintances) I've had similar experiences . My exNBPh, I don't think he actually poisioned people's mind as such, but, because he's an exPastor and people like him, they would assume it's my fault? Not sure.  

But this is about you and I believe he has told other people stories... . we all know their capabilities when it comes to lies? That's what you need to remember and he would most likely have sucked you right into his web when you first met? So you could bet your bottom dollar he's sucked more people in to let them know it's your fault more than likely; but often if people know you aren't together they more often than not just don't want to get involved.

The other angle here is that unless you know for certain, you're shadow boxing and you could  probably just rise above it and have a really good time when you're out and about.

If on the other hand you feel the urge to say something to them you could advise them that you and so n so aren't together anymore... . which could strike up a conversation, then it may give you an opportunity to let them know how bad things have been?

Either way, it's awful.

Take care, thanks for sharing.

[Hudson]

You'll find that! After I left my NBP soo many people said things like :-

You and him were like cheese and chalk

He was so weird what did you see in him?

He had no social skills

He's such a hypocrite

Therefore all my friends and family thought I'd made a bad choice!

Wish I'd seen it coming.

[TitaniumPhoebe]

I've actually become friends with people that knew my ex for years, some have distanced themselves. I think you are on to something. They must know what he's like. But other people that were more business friends now think I'm just awful because I broke the "poor man's" heart... . they are good at getting people to feel sorry for them. I should know. I was one of them