After two particularly painful and unpleasant episodes during a trip earlier this year I blew up and let her have it. I ended by telling her " I don't want to travel with u anymore . "
Subsequently she had two ugly fits while drinking: one on a trip with 10 of my friends and their wives. Another in front of a couple we had over for dinner.
Theo, does this mean that
after you told her you didn't want to travel with her you took another trip with her? If that's how it happened, then this may have been a good learning experience for you. My understanding, from what I have learned on this forum, is that real "boundary time" is that time when you are prepared to change your own behavior in order to protect yourself. "Boundaries are for you," as they sometimes say here.
Does your wife enjoy these social occasions and trips? If she does, clear boundaries regarding your future participation in these events may prove very effective. Some examples might be telling your wife that you will leave a future event if she begins to drink or if she becomes abusive in a particular way; or saying that you will be willing to try a trip or a dinner party again after a certain amount of time has passed, but not at this time. (Again, the boundary has to be something under your control, not hers. Something to protect yourself.)
I might be wrong, but I think you said in another post that your kids are grown and you and your wife are an older couple. It sounds as though you have a lot of independence and freedom now. Great time for practicing boundaries.
