Idealization... Can this stage come back a year later..?

[wilsonian]

I know this maybe a stupid question but after a little over a year of living with the progression with my wife's BPD the past couple of weeks is almost like when we started dating... . Trust me not complaining here at all but is it possible for her to go back to a Idealization phase again... ?... was just wondering... .

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[ziniztar]

Yep 

And it can go as fast as it came as well. It's important to know these cycles return, depending on the pwBPD's perception of you and your availability. There is no need to wait for the negative cycle to come back, but it's realistic to know it will. Enjoy this while it lasts; it can take days, weeks, months... .   who knows? Keep validating her and focus on the positive mood you are both in  .

[wilsonian]

Thank you for the info... I just gotta be-careful because I believe I have become co-dependent on her and this relationship... . Its just so nice to have a norm for a change... . but I need to keep my realistic guard up also through this part... . But we are enjoying it while it last... .

[an0ught]

Moods can be very, very fickle. Enjoy the good time but accept that excessive good time are not sustainable even in a normal relationship.

These good times are excellent opportunities to

- train validation as validating positive emotions is much more fun. It can be quite instructive to see how excessive positive can come down a notch to a more normal level when validated.

- boundaries are also easier. Often it helps already to maintain a clear separation along the lines of "this is your responsibility/emotion" and "this is my responsibility/emotion".

[Haye]

... . And i'm starting to wonder if me & my SO's improved relationship actually due him going into idealization phase . Sigh.

Most of you probably don't know or don't remember that our relationship had an odd start: first collegues-of-a-sort, everything started with getting to know one anohter, slowly building trust and a very strong bond, learning about the other one's secrets and issues etc. Initially we were confidants and friends who both developed a crush and got involved later (that one very slow rollercoaster ride).

There never was any actual idealization phase towards me, but i saw and witnessed idelazation and complete devaluing happening, several times, towards women. I can say this is not similar to those i knew he went through, but then again our relationship had a very different start. Of course i'd like to believe it's not idealization but instead him being genuinly and durably in love. But at times he seems so in love it feels uncomfortable. Like there is too much devotion going on, to the point of being scary and suffocating.

Perhaps it's after being recycled(-of-sorts) too many times i'm just trying to keep a safe distance for the fear it happens again. Or perhaps it's just sanity talking 

[wilsonian]

Haye... . I totally understand the skepticism... . My high ended few days ago... . so I would say have a buyer beware attitude... It does seem odd when first knowing the person in a different way then most its hard to relate sometimes to there situation... Mine I knew 30 yrs ago she was the girl down the street and hung out at parties with and went to school with... . all before the crap her ex put her through which I believe led to the BPD and PTSD... . so her first stages of idealization were hid by me cause I was thinking of the excitement and how this was such an awesome story of romance getting together after all these years etc etc... So just enjoy day at a time and if the storm hits one day just honker down and wait for the next calm...

[bobcat2014]

Yes. It can run in cycles just like the dark times. These idealization periods are what keeps me going after 20 years. As others pointed out enjoy them, but dont let your guard down to thinking she is fixed or healed, it is just running out the cycle. It is pretty messed up. I mean if mine could stay idealized with me I could say I have almost a perfect marriage and wife, but BPD doesnt work that way. I know this now... . thanks to this board.