coping with life

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

coming to terms with my own BPD issues has been a struggle, and remains so every day. I feel trapped and frustrated. I have a massive mortgage which means I have to stick with a job that I now loathe as over the course of the last few years the job has become a joke. My boss is a narcissist who is only interested in his own agrandizement and his next promotion at the expense of his team. I cant afford to leave the job and at 56 not much prospect of anything else in the uk at the moment. I can cope with all of the above if I feel I have a sense of purpose, and for me my BPD has manifested in periods of depression and self doubt. In the past I have just changed jobs and given my self a fresh start and a new challenge, but I don't have the energy for that anymore. Also I would seek sexual conquests as a way of alleviating the boredom, I don't do that any more as I realise now that its dangerous destructive and is another aspect of my BPD. I am in a committed relationship with my wife ( 32 years ) she has stuck by me through all of the above as I have her ( she has her won BPD issues) and we are now solid together thankfully. maybe I should count myself lucky that I am now conscious of what I experience, the depression and boredom, I try not to seek thrills in an ' acting out way'. Howver I think about my exBPD gf who drove me to a breakdown this time last year when she attempted suicide, I can cope but I miss her terribly sometimes, we are NC and thats for teh best, but the longing remains, I know its a fantasy, she cannot help me nor would she anyway, I have to deal with this on my own and be responsible for my own issues, part of me still longs I guess for the parenting I never received from my BPD?NPD parents, but I had a glimpse of with my exBPDgf, triggering the feelings and for a while at least i felt euphoric, until it fell apart and I was painted black. My Mum has since died, my brother is very ill and my Dad still a narcissist doesn't seem to care about anyone. My children need me more than ever qt 26 and 18 they are struggling but I am barely keeping myself afloat. Its challenging.

[Calm Waters]

coming to terms with my own BPD issues has been a struggle, and remains so every day. I feel trapped and frustrated. I have a massive mortgage which means I have to stick with a job that I now loathe as over the course of the last few years the job has become a joke. My boss is a narcissist who is only interested in his own agrandizement and his next promotion at the expense of his team. I cant afford to leave the job and at 56 not much prospect of anything else in the uk at the moment. I can cope with all of the above if I feel I have a sense of purpose, and for me my BPD has manifested in periods of depression and self doubt. In the past I have just changed jobs and given my self a fresh start and a new challenge, but I don't have the energy for that anymore. Also I would seek sexual conquests as a way of alleviating the boredom, I don't do that any more as I realise now that its dangerous destructive and is another aspect of my BPD. I am in a committed relationship with my wife ( 32 years ) she has stuck by me through all of the above as I have her ( she has her won BPD issues) and we are now solid together thankfully. maybe I should count myself lucky that I am now conscious of what I experience, the depression and boredom, I try not to seek thrills in an ' acting out way'. Howver I think about my exBPD gf who drove me to a breakdown this time last year when she attempted suicide, I can cope but I miss her terribly sometimes, we are NC and thats for teh best, but the longing remains, I know its a fantasy, she cannot help me nor would she anyway, I have to deal with this on my own and be responsible for my own issues, part of me still longs I guess for the parenting I never received from my BPD?NPD parents, but I had a glimpse of with my exBPDgf, triggering the feelings and for a while at least i felt euphoric, until it fell apart and I was painted black. My Mum has since died, my brother is very ill and my Dad still a narcissist doesn't seem to care about anyone. My children need me more than ever qt 26 and 18 they are struggling but I am barely keeping myself afloat. Its challenging.