What did you lose?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

…this is a tricky one … let’s see...  

Lost what I considered a second chance at love; which turned out to be an elusion.  

Lost some self confidence …but am pleased to find that was temporary.

Lost a boatload of stress  …and what felt like a reason to persevere.  

Lost what felt like a new family, and a multitude of problems due to their BPD member…

Lost a bit less money than I could have, though she still owes me...

Will have lost a century farm… long story, but time spent ‘solidifying our r/s’ was time wasted in a time-critical situation.

Felt like losing a Daughter, after spending too much time with my uBPDxgf (daughter moved in with her mother)…

Lost a friend; but when his choice was to pursue her and disregard me, was that really a friend?

Didn’t lose a brother, though she tried to lure him, too.

Lost some faith in humanity; gained an appreciation of sanity.

Lost over 3 years of my relational life, but experienced things I’d never have dreamt.

Lost instability, a constant drain on my resources, near constant worry and fear, confusion and worthless commitments…

…and am still trying to determine if it were better to have loved and lost than never loved and never lost... ?  My last conclusion was yes, but what a costly experience  

[Inside]

…this is a tricky one … let’s see...  

Lost what I considered a second chance at love; which turned out to be an elusion.  

Lost some self confidence …but am pleased to find that was temporary.

Lost a boatload of stress  …and what felt like a reason to persevere.  

Lost what felt like a new family, and a multitude of problems due to their BPD member…

Lost a bit less money than I could have, though she still owes me...

Will have lost a century farm… long story, but time spent ‘solidifying our r/s’ was time wasted in a time-critical situation.

Felt like losing a Daughter, after spending too much time with my uBPDxgf (daughter moved in with her mother)…

Lost a friend; but when his choice was to pursue her and disregard me, was that really a friend?

Didn’t lose a brother, though she tried to lure him, too.

Lost some faith in humanity; gained an appreciation of sanity.

Lost over 3 years of my relational life, but experienced things I’d never have dreamt.

Lost instability, a constant drain on my resources, near constant worry and fear, confusion and worthless commitments…

…and am still trying to determine if it were better to have loved and lost than never loved and never lost... ?  My last conclusion was yes, but what a costly experience  

[Ihope2]

I lost my dream of building a wonderful loving and supportive relationship with a person who seemed really deep and genuine at first.

I lost my naivete.

I lost my gullibility.

I lost my peace of mind and sense of calm (but will get them back in time).

I lost a lot of money.

I gained a lot of wisdom and self-awareness.

I gained a new insight into my childhood influences, my FOO issues. And the real state of my relationship with my mother, not what I pretended it was to myself and her.  And I gained insight into my painful, non-existant relationship with my late father.

I gained the opportunity to look deep inside myself and learn that my "inner child" has been in pain for all my life and how to help her find healing.

I gained a lot of insight into Personality Disorders and how to recognise the "red flags" when it comes to people with PD. 

I gained something immense in that I think all of this suffering and turmoil has somehow helped me to become more "real" with myself and others.  No more living my "False self", now I want to be my "Authentic self"

Despite the pain and turmoil and deep sadness, I am thankful for what I have gained from knowing my BPD ex h. 

[Reforming]

Loss of a best friend

Loss of a codependent

Loss of a convenient distraction

Loss of an excuse for not looking after myself

Loss of someone else to focus on rather than myself

Loss of an excuse for not having clear direction

Loss of an illusion

Loss of a fantasy future

Loss of an obstacle to real happiness

Loss of my false self

At the risk of sounding existentialist - and I'm not a fan of that particular philosophy - loss is part of life.

Sometimes on this board I think we become so focussed on another person and their illness that we lose sight of the rest of the world and ourselves

The breakdown of most marriages and long term relationships is frequently accompanied by pain, loss, anger, disillusion, blame, recrimination and even recycling.

And most of these relationships do not involve PDs.

But there's no question that BPD break ups are particularly toxic.

For me the hardest parts of recovering from a relationship with a suspected BPD are;

Accepting the reality of the illness. Initially it sounds so fantastical that it's hard to believe. It doesn't help that so few sufferers are actually diagnosed

Letting your BPD go. The push pull, idealisation makes detachment very difficult especially when there's still contact

Accepting responsibility for your own choices, for your own life.

For me the last is the hardest... .

It's a waste of life and breath to blame someone else for how I feel or how I act…

But even though I know this is true at times I find it so difficult to actually accept responsibility for myself

It can be overwhelming - even terrifying and it's so easy to slip into anger and blame someone else.

Even when they've left the building

[blissful_camper]

I was too trusting and gullible.  I was easily manipulated because I'm the type of person who gives others the benefit of the doubt when I shouldn't.  I saw the  and I didn't accept them.  When the red flags were so bright red that they caused a physical reaction in me (the instinctual/intuitive feeling that something's not right), I asked my ex to clarify the event/what he said or meant.  That was a mistake on my part.  I was assuming that he would be honest.  

When the r/s ended and I moved back to my home state, a close friend visited who is in a healthy marriage.  She went through the "list" with me.  I asked, "is this normal?"  She said, "no."  I asked, "is this a normal reaction at his end?" "No."  She gave me some really good advice.  She told me to stop assuming that others can be trusted, and to allow others to show me that they can be trusted.  I allowed my ex to tell me that he could be trusted.  Mistake.  

Blissful "our intuition serves us well if we listen to it" Camper

[going places]

Loss of a best friend

Loss of a codependent

Loss of a convenient distraction

Loss of an excuse for not looking after myself

Loss of someone else to focus on rather than myself

Loss of an excuse for not having clear direction

Loss of an illusion

Loss of a fantasy future

Loss of an obstacle to real happiness

Loss of my false self

At the risk of sounding existentialist - and I'm not a fan of that particular philosophy - loss is part of life.

Sometimes on this board I think we become so focussed on another person and their illness that we lose sight of the rest of the world and ourselves

The breakdown of most marriages and long term relationships is frequently accompanied by pain, loss, anger, disillusion, blame, recrimination and even recycling.

And most of these relationships do not involve PDs.

But there's no question that BPD break ups are particularly toxic.

For me the hardest parts of recovering from a relationship with a suspected BPD are;

Accepting the reality of the illness. Initially it sounds so fantastical that it's hard to believe. It doesn't help that so few sufferers are actually diagnosed

Letting your BPD go. The push pull, idealisation makes detachment very difficult especially when there's still contact

Accepting responsibility for your own choices, for your own life.

For me the last is the hardest... .

It's a waste of life and breath to blame someone else for how I feel or how I act…

But even though I know this is true at times I find it so difficult to actually accept responsibility for myself



It can be overwhelming - even terrifying and it's so easy to slip into anger and blame someone else.

Even when they've left the building

Absolutely brilliant. SO bang on true.

[Popcorn71]

I was very interested to read this topic.  I have been on vacation for a few days in a very peaceful and beautiful place with time to relax and think.  While I was there I spent a few hours thinking about 'what I have lost' in this context.

I came to realise that what I initially thought I had lost and what I had actually lost, were very different.

I thought I lost /font]

a loving husband who I was happy with and would spend the rest of my life with

a trustworthy and reliable man who loved me

a partner who was totally committed to me as I was to him

a companion and friend

a provider and financially stable life

the life we had planned together

my social life

my happiness


The reality is that I have lost none of these things.


What I have actually lost is/font]

A liar and a cheat

a man who didn't love me and didn't care about me

a man who was using me for an easy life and dropped me when life wasn't as easy as he wanted it to be

a violent thug who was abusive to me and my son

a man who was embarrasing to be with in public because he often belittled people and liked to 'loudly' make nasty comments about people

the negative atmosphere that was in my home when he was around

the lonely feeling that I had because he never wanted to spend time with me, preferring instead to go out with friends

the headaches and physical pains that have mysteriously vanished since he left

28 lbs in weight

his collection of 'junk' that was all around the house


I have also gained so much/font]

My self esteem

happiness and a new enthusiasm for my life

my relationship with my kids

a fantastic new job and new friends

a more relaxed way of life

time to do things I enjoy

time to spend with my family

a new social life that is much more fun

pride in myself and my appearance

a sense of achievement and satisfaction with my life


There is more, but I am sure you get the idea.


So all in all, I have gained far more than I have lost and I now accept that him leaving was good for me.  When it happened I was devastated and never thought I would eventually feel like this.  But I do!  I still get down days, but the good days are more and more frequent now.  Thanks to everyone on these boards who are so supportive 

[mywifecrazy]

Lost a friend; but when his choice was to pursue her and disregard me, was that really a friend?

Didn’t lose a brother, though she tried to lure him, too.

My God! Another person on here with an EERILY similar story!

My uBPDxw jumped in bed with my X friend and neighbor. No he was NEVER my friend. He showed his true colors. She also made passes at my brother. Who didn't know or just didn't act on it.

These people make me sick    

[Narellan]

My best friend of 20 years and ex BPD had this flirtatious thing going on the whole time. She told me she didn't like him, bagged him and tried to split us up the whole time we were together. He ditched me and leant on her. They both bagged me and supported each other, sending intimate photos etc. I got rid of them both from my life. A month later they've deleted each other off FB, so it appears that is over. A couple of days ago my exBPD starts messaging my sister ended up abusing her.

I'm assuming everything he does is to get a reaction from me. He can't stand the NC.

Very hurtful stuff.

[Boss302]

Honestly, my marriage was over LONG before I left my BPDx - probably ten years before - so I lost nothing.

Based on the other posts, I'm counting my blessings!

[mywifecrazy]

What did I lose?

My balls!

Happy to report that I've got them back... . I missed not having them for 20 FREAKING years

[fromheeltoheal]

My naivety, my passivity and a thousand bucks.  Best personal development seminar I've ever been to, it was worth it.

[Emelie Emelie]

I lost my love and my best friend.  My sense of safety and security.  Self esteem.  Trust in relationships.  Trust in myself and my ability to make good decisions.  The respect of people in my life when I went back to him.  Contentedness.  Optimism.  Happiness.

[NewMom]

What did I lose?

My balls!

Happy to report that I've got them back... . I missed not having them for 20 FREAKING years

Had to smile at this 

I was always given the impression that I could do nothing, was good for nothing, was incapable, too ill (I've got epilepsy), too dependant.  Now, after 18 yrs of so working on me like that so that I'd - of course unconsciously - become more dependant so I wouldn't leave him, I am on my own, with our 7mo old daughter, keeping her safe, happy and fed, making sure the apartment is cleaned, working on my translations, going to T and self-help groups.

So I guess what I ALSO lost was this unbelivable feeling of incapability.  And to be honest I'm glad I finally lost that!

And yes, Infared, we really should all get some coffee 

[GlitterBug]

My heart. And trust. That's what I lost.

Oh yeah and my parents, sister, best friend, other mutual acquaintance friends, my regular girls night drinks, my social circle.

I lost myself.

I lost 'me' to.

I'm inclined to think that is in some way worse than the loss of an external relationship. How do you search for something we are all supposed to me so affirmed in?

I'm still looking for 'me'.

I hope you find 'you' x

[Inside]

Lost a friend; but when his choice was to pursue her and disregard me, was that really a friend?

Didn’t lose a brother, though she tried to lure him, too.

My God! Another person on here with an EERILY similar story!

My uBPDxw jumped in bed with my X friend and neighbor. No he was NEVER my friend. He showed his true colors. She also made passes at my brother. Who didn't know or just didn't act on it.

These people make me sick   

Yah, my married-forever friend and long-time beer buddy…  She’d constantly track us down, then come-on to him.  Eventually he stopped responding to my texts …and I next get to see them skipping down a main street sidewalk holding hands and grinning as our larger group of friends sat baffled and appalled.  Made me sick  

Her game was to keep me on a string, without seeing my friends -- though she didn’t skip a beat with hers.  So I never knew where our ‘relationship’ stood.  I remember several comments about her from my ... friend, so I knew what his intensions were.  So, he propositions her – and she declines, because ‘he’s married.’  He’s ashamed of himself …and has backed out of our friends network.  I’ve not spoken or texted him for a year.  If he had not gone behind my back, I’d get with him an explain BPD …but I’m still pissed.  And, if her goal was to pick off one of my friends, she did!

…had a cabin for the weekend, not far from my brother’s place, so stopped in to see him on the way there.  She’s giving him the eyes, and he’s trying not to respond.  The next night, Saturday, we’d drank heavy, but she was fixated on my brother – demanding ‘we have him over.’  Her excuse being, she wants to ‘recommend him to a friend of hers’ but needs to ‘get to know him better first.’  ‘This is our time,’ I tried to get across… and after giving up trying to reach him, begging I give her his phone number… she didn’t want to be touched.  So, it became one of ‘those BPD Nights,’ them sulking over who-knows-what – and you, laying there wondering - What the heck?

After describing her ways to my brother, he was solid – prettymuch ignoring her from then on.  So, I maintained a brother - and lost a ‘friend.’ 

[Infared]

Inside... .

yeah... and the pwBPD ALWAYS has to be in a secure relationship whilst she is out hunting (in your home or someone else's) for "more".

They cannot be alone for a minute... .

I was an idiot to get involve with mine... . she was living with a guy and cheating on him with a really "strange" married guy (with three kids I might add)... . (he looked like Ronald McDonald... . I kid you not). I was in an occasional work situation with her and Ronnie Mac (did not know the live-in and she was not in any other circles of mine, just this springtime weekend work thing) and I catch on to her action (now this woman was young and a very attractive 5'10" strawberry blonde that weighed about 110lbs)... . and I get wise that she is messin with this Ronald dude and I am just observing... thinking: NO WAY?... . she is HOT... this makes no sense.  Now... . I was not looking for anything. I was single and just doing my surfin, photography, working groove... . She was quite a bit younger than me, too... . but I just get kind of curious and entertained... . I have no intentions. None. So over the period of two springs (2 years)... I get kind of friendly with her... . query at one point and she admits that I am correct with my perceptions. Explains the there in NO relationship left with the person she is living with and I ":)UFUS" believe her  (Yeah RIGHT... . had I know I was going to become that guy in 6 years... I would have run like hell)... .

So I am being a rescuer and a father figure, saying... . honey... . what are you doing. You are young, attractive an have a really fun personality... . what the hell are you doing with Ronnie Mac (this guy was off the charts creepy... . but did that GIANT RED FLAG     STOP ME... . NOO!    ).

Of course, one thing leads to another and she ends up on the back of my motorcycle and blah... blah... blah... .

We are friends for a good while... . I REALLY did not rush into this. (mind you she is still living with this guy and "NOW" I am sure that he has a clue and is suffering like crazy... but I have no way to know this then... . duh... I believe her... . GOD was I manipulated like putty)... so eventually we have our "moment" and I try to flush this out... . I am like wait... whoah... . you are living with someone... . I am not dating you day-one unless you are out on your own away from your ex and Ronnie Mac. (Ronnie ends up wanting to have a threesome as he is hot for me too... . but that never happens... . although 4-years later he stalks us... . but I digress).  

I week later I am helping her move into her own apt.  Rescue... Rescue... . Help Life Guard! To my knowledge (which now I know is totally laughable) she never is near either one of these men again. God I am dumb and trusting.

She lives with me for 5 years and does the EXACT same thing, lying to her parents, step parents, me, him, her therapist (that I begged her to get)... . what a trip. Just up and moves out a week before Christmas saying there is no one... . Of course that just happens to be the moment that she is sure she has HIM (new guy) hooked... got the safety and security of me and our home till she is sure the hook is set deep  and then off she goes... . him hero me villain... it happened in an instant.  Never knew what hit me. Completely calculating, cold and heartless. Lied and lied and lied. Damn near killed me.

Inside... . yours was doing her sport hunting REALLY close to home so she must be super insecure and sick.  I can relate and although your pain must be great... . you can get better and move forward. Use all of the tools here.

[mywifecrazy]

I week later I am helping her move into her own apt.  Rescue... Rescue... . Help Life Guard! To my knowledge (which now I know is totally laughable) she never is near either one of these men again. God I am dumb and trusting.

Don't feel bad I'm probably the only FREAKING idiot that was MANIPULATED into helping a BPD PHSYCHO move …... . TWICE

I helped her move out of her apartment that she had with a boyfriend when I met her and 20 yrs later I helped her move out of our house when I caught her in bed with the neighbor. She was lying saying it was a one time MISTAKE and she needed to get out on her own to clear her head... . With all due respect, I am King of the Idiots!   

[woodsposse]

I week later I am helping her move into her own apt.  Rescue... Rescue... . Help Life Guard! To my knowledge (which now I know is totally laughable) she never is near either one of these men again. God I am dumb and trusting.

Don't feel bad I'm probably the only FREAKING idiot that was MANIPULATED into helping a BPD PHSYCHO move …... . TWICE

I helped her move out of her apartment that she had with a boyfriend when I met her and 20 yrs later I helped her move out of our house when I caught her in bed with the neighbor. She was lying saying it was a one time MISTAKE and she needed to get out on her own to clear her head... . With all due respect, I am King of the Idiots!   

Oh... . don't feel so down on yourself.  I went through 5 moves with mine.  The first time, we moved in together to our first apartment.  Then about a year or so later, when the arguments got really bad and I caught her lying and setting up to meet some dude for the weekend - we broke up and she moved out.

Actually, it was abit brilliant on my part how I did it.  I told her one of has to leave.  Either she can stay in the apartment and I'll move, or she can move.  There was no way she could afford the apartment by herself... . so she moved out.

Then about 6 months later, I let her move back in.

Then about 6-8 months later, she moved back out.

Then a few months later, back in.

Then back out.

Then back again - we get married - stay "together" for 13 years, buy a house... . then she moves out.

I think the only reason we lasted the 13 years is because I ended up getting custody of my kids and we co-parented them.  Once the last kid was getting ready to fly the coop... . so was she.  By then, the economy was so crap and I was stuggling to just keep the house.  It was only then did she decide to actually get off her ass and get a job.

But it wasn't to help us keep the house - it was so she could start to build what she needed for another life.  I still hung on as long as I could hoping that whatever was the issue could be resolved.  I mean, I had close to 20 years invested.

What a shame and sham.

[gettingoverit]

Inside... .

yeah... and the pwBPD ALWAYS has to be in a secure relationship whilst she is out hunting (in your home or someone else's) for "more".

They cannot be alone for a minute... .

She lives with me for 5 years and does the EXACT same thing, lying to her parents, step parents, me, him, her therapist (that I begged her to get)... . what a trip. Just up and moves out a week before Christmas saying there is no one... . Of course that just happens to be the moment that she is sure she has HIM (new guy) hooked... got the safety and security of me and our home till she is sure the hook is set deep  and then off she goes... . him hero me villain... it happened in an instant.  Never knew what hit me. Completely calculating, cold and heartless. Lied and lied and lied. Damn near killed me.

Inside... . yours was doing her sport hunting REALLY close to home so she must be super insecure and sick.  I can relate and although your pain must be great... . you can get better and move forward. Use all of the tools here.

You got it. Same thing happened to me. My ex took a break for 12 days, sleeping in my house (in another room), saying she needed her space mean while the little wh0re is secretly going out with the neighbour until she knows she has her hooks set deep, then proceeds to rip me to shreds. I also experienced the lie after lie after lie. It almost killed me too, but after being over three years out, I can honesty say the one thing I finally lost was the biggest moocher and pain in my ass. Now that is a great thing! 

[Infared]

My Wife Crazy

Woodsposse

The bottom line is ... . the self-centeredness. Total and complete.

Mine, when she moved out of our townhouse on the river a week before Christmas... .

Right before this she got the first bonus of her life (never told me of course cause its hot and heavy with some guy behind my back... . but that way she could run off with her new hunk).   I had paid for EVeRYTHING ... . selflessly. She couldn't be in our relationship and contribute... . She saw the windfall as a way to deceive and satisfy her selfish needs. God what a low life. You guys would be proud of me... . I DID NOT help her move... . I just knew something wasn't right... . I just had no proof. I just made sure her Mom came with her when she moved and I got the hell out of there. She hardly took anything I guess her underpanties were really on fire    Her Mom loved me... I can't even guess what she was filling her Mom's ear with.  God these people are sick. These women go thru peoples lives like train wrecks leaving devastation everywhere.

I am not a suspicious guy, you know... trusting faithful... (well... . NOT ANY MORE!)... These women just look at that as an opportunity. Shame on them.

[woodsposse]

My Wife Crazy

Woodsposse

The bottom line is ... . the self-centeredness. Total and complete.

Mine, when she moved out of our townhouse on the river a week before Christmas... .

Right before this she got the first bonus of her life (never told me of course cause its hot and heavy with some guy behind my back... . but that way she could run off with her new hunk).   I had paid for EVeRYTHING ... . selflessly. She couldn't be in our relationship and contribute... . She saw the windfall as a way to deceive and satisfy her selfish needs. God what a low life. You guys would be proud of me... . I DID NOT help her move... . I just knew something wasn't right... . I just had no proof. I just made sure her Mom came with her when she moved and I got the hell out of there. She hardly took anything I guess her underpanties were really on fire    Her Mom loved me... I can't even guess what she was filling her Mom's ear with.  God these people are sick. These women go thru peoples lives like train wrecks leaving devastation everywhere.

I am not a suspicious guy, you know... trusting faithful... (well... . NOT ANY MORE!)... These women just look at that as an opportunity. Shame on them.

I finally had gotten to the point (intellectually) where I knew after we split and she came back wanting to "talk" that whatever truths she shared with me that it was only the tip of the iceberg.  I couldn't prove it, but I know it with all of my being.  And that was really hard to let go of - the not knowing.

But then again, on the other hand, a previous s/o I made the mistake of pressing and questioning all the stuff I eventually never really wanted to know (even though it was over 25 years ago, if I allow it it can still mess up my day pretty badly).

People make mistakes (or in some cases... . they make 'on purposes'.  Having gone through everything I went through with my (now) ex wife, and previous relationships... . I swore during all my ruminating nights that if I could go back in time and break it off with her completely after the first major conflict (like catching her cheating on me)... . I would.  And if I'm in a relationship going forward and the same thing happens (cause it can happen personality disorder or not)... . I would take no excuses and just be out of there.

Unfortunately this is what happened in my recent r/s with my (now) ex GF.  Some things came up which were very very very similar to what I had seen before.  I had no choice and was out the door.  yes, a vast part of me wanted to "forgive" and make up... . but I knew I couldn't do that and stay true to my own healing.

Just because I'm healing doesn't mean that someone else is on the exact same page as I am.  I'm living my life, they are living theirs.  As long as I keep my stuff straight - I can't be too concerned what someone else is going to do. I can't control them.

I have my boundaries pretty well defined - and not jsut out of anger or bitterness (which is what I ahve been struggling to get to).  I just know that at the drop of a dime I will walk away from just about anyone if the situation isn't right.  And I won't feel bad about it. Not again.

[findingmyselfagain]

I thought I lost my sexy soulmate, a (her) daughter, a (her) family, a dream wedding and a dream life... . I invested so much love thinking that she loved me the same way I loved her. She was divorced twice at a young age but she played the victim card very well and seemed to want something better. I also wanted a family, and we had a nice one for a while. I spent a lot of time with her brother and her parents thinking that we were all going to be a family. Losing her baby daughter and her family from my life made things that much more difficult.

Losing all of that was extremely hurtful and depressing. I was reeling for years afterward.

But, it forced me to look at myself and the role I played. Why would I take such a big risk with my heart so quickly? Why did I let the red flags go in light of the "passion" and promise of the glow of love?

I saw some of my childhood issues in all of the mess... . growing up too fast, difficult mother, lack of dating and relationship experience, also just barely plugging away at life when I met my ex... . I just ate the romance up like candy.

Now I believe love is much more than passion, feelings, or the "romance" that is sold to us by society and the media. It's a simple, genuine, mature commitment. True love and true intimacy grow over time with someone we are comfortable with and who treats us with respect.

What did I really lose? A life of hell on earth and a never-ending battle for peace and acceptance (kind of like what I strove to get from my mother as a child).

[Tausk]

By doing the necessary work in learning about the disorder, moving through the pain, learning about my self, and healing some of my spiritual wounds from my childhood, I managed to lose some of the hurt, baggage, and shame that I have carried and which has handicapped me for most all my life. 

Or another way of putting it... . loss of much of my false self, and instead implementation of partial substitution of my genuine inner child that heretofore was too ashamed and scared to be seen and vulnerable.

Or, in other words... . Addition of the real me through extraction and exorcism of my interaction xgfwBPD (like a rotten tooth or a possessive banshee).

[Inside]

Inside... .

yeah... and the pwBPD ALWAYS has to be in a secure relationship whilst she is out hunting (in your home or someone else's) for "more".

They cannot be alone for a minute... .

I think I’ve come across that …you’d think the more secure they felt, the less reason they’d have to hunt.  I suspect the more secure they feel – the more fearful they are of losing that security, thus undermine it.

  [She] Explains the there in NO relationship left with the person she is living with and I ":)UFUS" believe her  (Yeah RIGHT... . had I known I was going to become that guy in 6 years... I would have run like hell)... .  

Unreal…  We work so hard to become ‘that guy,’ only for them to instantly disregard us - and begin searching for another!  And while we’re jumping through their hoops … their real attention is elsewhere ~  Actually, I’ve kinda been avoiding this ‘L3’ zone – cuz it makes me angry.  But having you remind me of some of this crap also helps solidify my now six months of NC.  Thanks!

(Ronnie ends up wanting to have a threesome as he is hot for me too... . but that never happens... . although 4-years later he stalks us... . but I digress)

-- still laughing …

Inside... . yours was doing her sport hunting REALLY close to home so she must be super insecure and sick.  I can relate and although your pain must be great... . you can get better and move forward. Use all of the tools here.

Thanks for pointing that out, Infared.  Pain and anger can be tools, too.  And though I feel I’ve processed the pain … a little anger is likely justified.  So… should I try to reconnect with my ‘lost buddy’ (ol’ beer buddy)?  Or continue to avoid the entire scene... ? 

[Inside]

Now I believe love is much more than passion, feelings, or the "romance" that is sold to us by society and the media. It's a simple, genuine, mature commitment. True love and true intimacy grow over time with someone we are comfortable with and who treats us with respect.  

Findingmyselfagain ~ perfect… 

[Infared]

Now I believe love is much more than passion, feelings, or the "romance" that is sold to us by society and the media. It's a simple, genuine, mature commitment. True love and true intimacy grow over time with someone we are comfortable with and who treats us with respect.  

Findingmyselfagain ~ perfect… 

There it is. Finding that is not easy.chasing red flag wavers is not the path

... oh... and thanks for the visual of Ronnie Mac! LOL!

[mywifecrazy]

(Ronnie ends up wanting to have a threesome as he is hot for me too... . but that never happens... . although 4-years later he stalks us... . but I digress)

-- still laughing …

I am LMFAO! 

[mywifecrazy]

Now I believe love is much more than passion, feelings, or the "romance" that is sold to us by society and the media. It's a simple, genuine, mature commitment. True love and true intimacy grow over time with someone we are comfortable with and who treats us with respect.

This is the BEST thing ever posted on here! WELL SAID.

But these 3 remain... . Faith, Hope and Love. But the greatest of these is Love!

[mywifecrazy]

People make mistakes (or in some cases... . they make 'on purposes'. 

There are NO mistakes. Unless someone put a gun to their heads everyone's improprieties are ON PURPOSES. They pull the "I made a mistake" CRAP when they are afraid to take responsibility for their actions. The only mistake they made was getting to careless and getting caught!

[Infared]

GLAD I COULD GIVE YOU GUYS A LAUGH!

If I had a photo of Ronnie Mac (actually The Real RM is an improvement over this guy), I would post it. But... healthily I do not.

We did have the police search his house and take all his guns (oh... and inform his wife and kids that he was stalking us!  )

I learned in therapy that I had a tendency to make bad choices in my life. (I liked to live on the edge and have excitement... . well... . we can see how well that panned out!)  

The living on the edge thing was useful when I climbed mountains and surfed waves all over the planet... but... it wasn't a good way to approach a long term relationship.      :'( :'(

No one told me?

... . was this REALLY my life... . LOL!

(I SWEAR every last bit of that story is absolutely TRUE!)

I thought this was pathetic... . but you all have me laughing!