I feel like a sperm downer then just thrown away.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi me and my ex BPD ex gf were only together for months and she got pregnant she was on the pill so I thought it was a miracle and it was ment to happen.she was so incident on having the baby so I went along wit it and started to becomes thrilled of the idea since she seemed like the sweetest most vulnerable and honest woman I ever met.wow was I dead wrong there's so much to say but my son is only 2 do BPD woman always hover around the man they have a kid with?

[Hostage1234]

Hi me and my ex BPD ex gf were only together for months and she got pregnant she was on the pill so I thought it was a miracle and it was ment to happen.she was so incident on having the baby so I went along wit it and started to becomes thrilled of the idea since she seemed like the sweetest most vulnerable and honest woman I ever met.wow was I dead wrong there's so much to say but my son is only 2 do BPD woman always hover around the man they have a kid with?

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, Hostage1234 & 

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through with your Ex-girlfriend; a relationship with someone with BPD is very confusing, painful and frustrating sometimes... . So, you are not in a romantic relationship with her, but still in contact because of your son? I'm not sure what you mean about her "hovering" around you because of the child; I do know (as a woman) that having a baby is a lot of work, and wanting the father to be involved with the child is a natural thing usually... . Are you involved with your son? How is he doing? Is your Ex a good mother to him? Is he happy and safe? Do you like being a Dad?

I'd like to know more about your situation... . If you are still in contact with your Ex because of the child, it would be good for you to know that there are specific tools (communication, validation, boundaries, timeout) that everyone in a relationship with a person suffering from borderline personality disorder needs to master. People with this disorder tend to perceive the world differently than you and I, but there is an order and the rationale within that perception - it's not just random craziness as we might sometimes think. Our senior members on [L5] Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner are very good at helping apply these principles to everyday life problems. The educational material associated with that group is based on the work from leading experts in the disorder.

Please hang around and let us know more about your story, Hostage1234, so we can help 

[Hostage1234]

Yes after a long court  battle I have my son 50/50 her BPD was always kept a secret and still is  I always felt her and her family were keeping a big secret .my son is doing good with me who knows with her ishe lies so much I gave up asking questions anymore because the damage she does to me by living about everything.

[Rapt Reader]

Thanks for filling us in, Hostage1234... . In that case, besides the Staying Board, I'd also like to suggest that you check out the Leaving Board: Disengaging from a Partner with BPD and the Leaving Board: Family law, divorce and custody. The Lessons there would be beneficial to you with the problems you are dealing with, and also helpful for your healing from this relationship and journey to well-being and peace.

I'm happy that you have 50/50 custody of your son, and that you are actively in his life and helping him grow up safely and happily. Many children of BPD parents are "saved" because of the love and attention of their non-BPD parent; you are important to your son's well-being and it's great that you are in the position to be that person, Hostage1234 

[ForeverDad]

On another board you mentioned you're having difficulty getting your child's medical records.  Almost surely you have a statutory right to assess your son's medical records, read your order, there is generally some standard boilerplate stating rights and such.  Have you gone to the doctor's offices and provided a copy of your court order?  If they decline to release your son's records, then you can ask to speak with their lawyer.  Or you can seek legal advice in a consultation with a family law attorney.  Whether you are the custodial parent is not the issue, as a parent you most likely have those right unless they've been restricted.

However, if she made HIPAA claims of privacy and doesn't want her own information that might be in his files to be released to you, then that might complicate things.  Doesn't mean you have to give up quickly.

[Hostage1234]

So mine was so smart she would look up what are BPD traits and hold them all in.of course they came out once in awhile but she was more the suck you in type and then just leave you like it was a big game.those are the ones to watch out for