I think many of us who have decided to stay with a SO that suffers from BPD, have plenty of moments having trouble seeing a way forward. We have committed ourselves to a relationship that is never going to be completely stable and certainly no fairy tale.
We all grow and change in a relationship, its certainly supposed to make the other better than what they were before. Trials and hardships are part of the package. I agree that people should be accepted for who they are, no matter what, and not change to just please someone else. But if the change benefits you and makes you a better person, then changing a bit wasn;t so bad. However, with a SO with BPD, it can be a completely different story. You want them to change because it will benefit them and you, but you have to take into account that they want to change and make the effort to do so. And with some, thats not always the case. And one should never feel guilty for wanting them to do so, we are only human.
This week has been hard for me to see the path forward with my uBPDh, so I can completely understand how you feel. But I continue to press on. I prefer to focus on the positive, not the negative and let it wear me down, something my T pressed upon me to do, to control my depression and anxiety. It may seem like its quite impossible to be postive, but I would rather look upon each day as a gift I have been given and each moment spent with the person I love as a treasure rather than a curse.
Hang in there, there are plenty of us who are hanging in there with you.
