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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: therapist suggestions  (Read 458 times)
trying to understand

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 14


« on: May 29, 2014, 10:06:01 AM »

Hi guys,

I went through a brief affair with someone who has BPD and can't  stop ruminating about what happened. Can anyone suggest a good counselor in the Boston area who can help someone who has had a relationship with someone with BPD? Thanks.
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LettingGo14
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 751



« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2014, 02:33:57 PM »



Thanks for posting, Trying to Understand.   As you probably surmise, there's a wide range of therapy options available, and it may take some research for you to find the therapist you want.   

Here's a partial list of questions I asked myself:

1. What would you define as your core challenge, i.e. to address in therapy? For me, I was "stuck" emotionally (and remain so in some ways) during and following my disordered relationship.  Somehow, even though it took me a while, I realized that I was "stuck" because I numbed myself from feeling emotions.  It has come to light that I had core family of origin issues that kept me stuck in the r/s.   I'm working on that stuff now and while it's not always fun... . it has helped.

2. What type of therapy do you want?  You need to read up on the various types, which can address various things.  "Talk" therapy is typically psychodynamic, or insight, therapy.   "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" is another type with various iterations, like Schema Therapy.  I've searched around here:  www.mentalhelp.net/ , and listened to the podcasts (e.g. one on Schema therapy):

3. What would be your goals for therapy? Letting go? Figuring out how you participated?  Forgiving yourself for the BS that goes along with these types of relationships?  For me, it was all of the above.

Some useful links here:

Psychology Today has a good therapist look up: www.therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php

DBT Resourceswww.dbtselfhelp.com/html/resources.html

Your local NAMI affiliate may have resources for referrals.

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