Broke N/C - Stupid, but feeling the Fear of Going N/C again

[outside9x]

Hi, I haven't seen my BPD GF in over a year, but broken contact many times via phonce calls & text.  Lately I finally block her on my Facebook, and then took it off.  Not good.  She been sending me nice text here and there, and some how I just lost my mind and went emotionally crazy.  SHe certainly is loving the power I gave her, but I don't care right now about that.  I dated her for 2 1/2 years talked about moving in.  Yes, she rages, screams and demands things, and of course makes up events that never happen.  Knowing this and more one would think I would stay away, but she is very attractive, well built, and lots of fun, when she not demanding, or painting me black, which was getting to be most of the time.  We broke up of course several times.

So, anyway, I played the IF GAME in my head.  No, not tryingto change her, but me, and if I could have handle this better etc, etc.  So I stupidly write her this loving email, not text, saying how it's stupid to be texting we should get together and talk things Out we love each other, and I know we have others.  (How stupid!)     (Yes, all this romantic stuff like nothing bad every happened.    

Of course I knew she been dating this one guy for a bit, lots of cash, right up her alley, me, not so much, anyway, she starts nice with the texting then piles IT on.  I knew once I sent the email, it was totally stupid.  I let my emotions run the whole show. (They usually run the show badly by the way.)  Like even if she said yes lets meet, then what?  Just totally desire to see her, be with her, but not to live with her.  Impossible, a nightmare.  If I wouldve been thinking this before reacting , I'd be ok now.

HERE IS THE PROBLEM:

I want to just want to go N/C totally now.  I know you would all agreed.  Except, she can be a bit vicious.  I am pretty sure from her being on my FaceBook page she now has my girlfriends name.  Probably seen the post and put 2 and 2 together. SHe is not dumb and I seen her go after ex's. I worried she will send the emai lto my girlfriend and we been going out for sometime now.  This is not a good situation

So, I don't want to anger her, because the last time I blocked on FB, she was not happy!

So, I was thinking, to let her know that I will go no contact because it just seems it better in the long run for the both of us.  Hopefully then, she might not strike like a Cobra.   .  I just did this yesterday, so should I let it float for awhile before N/C?

Yes, I do desever this for not thinking this through and I am certainly old and smart enough to know, but emotions can cause us to do stupid things.   I did.  Any advice here would be much appreciated.  Thanks!    

[pipehitter]

Maybe just let it float. She might not even answer your email... .

[outside9x]

Hi pipehitter,

No I think she will not respond to it, but I worry she will use it against me and send to my girlfriend.  That's my concern so I trying to figure the best way to N/C .  Then again, like maybe you are saying don't lock her out but N/C for me.  That could work,  I could just let it ride,  like you say. She probably will not reply and I won't send anything so just as good I guess for the time being.

'

Thanks

[AwakenedOne]

Hi Outside,

You describe her as being a sexy vindictive cobra.

Is the cobra strike worth it?

Maybe look at this in a positive way, that you need to do these things to sort out in your mind the answers. Seems like though you have found the answers now since you sent her this letter.

Maybe block her from FB before she sees your girlfriends name now? Maybe she didn't memorize it already and you could block her before she does?

You can let it float too also. Maybe she will want to meet you like you requested. Sounds like you don't want this now though?

You said the last time you blocked her on FB she wasn't happy. Why? What does she want from you? Do you fear for your safety?

Good Luck,

AO

[Mutt]

Don't beat yourself up for writing her a message. You've been split for over a year. It's difficult to accept that this is a serious disorder. Our love is not above this disorder, we cannot save them. They need to help themselves. There's nothing wrong with sending her a message and telling her why you are going NC. It's setting a boundary, and people can't guess what your boundary is. Your also not obligated to tell her why. There's no right or wrong here, NC is a temporary tool to give us space and distance, detach and heal. You said so yourself, you are having difficulties with your emotions. Detachment from a BPD is extremely difficult, but it has to be done. You're not going to save this woman, as well intended your love letters are. It hurts, I'm sorry. But your going to save yourself from a lot of anguish, if you detach.

[really]

Many of us have been there.  Don't beat yourself up for what is a quite natural thing to want to do/do when distraught.     But there is no detachment from it and detachment is what we need.   I have struggled terribly with detachment.   And in the process I have simply damaged myself.    Those on this board who have come to a place of oeace are those who have fought those natural instincts and looked forward.  I can't count myself as one of them but I wouldn't like to see others end up like me.    Be kind to yourself. 

[Indigo Sky]

Work on YOUR needs.

Think about making your life the best possible.

Strict NC. It is hard at first but worth it in the end.

[Narellan]

I'd go NC but I wouldn't block her from FB. That just looks like you are annoyed she's rejected you. You have no control over what she chooses to do with that email now it's been sent. Don't discuss it with her at all. If she thinks you're worried about it she could use it against you. Just be boring on FB and NC with her. Or deactivate your account for a while so it's not about her? That's what I've had to do. I thought blocking my ex would trigger anger in him, so I deactivated.

Try not to think about what she might do. I know how you feel. My exBPD posted nude photos of me on FB, and still can he has heaps. That's one of the reasons I got off FB. He hasn't posted any since because I'm not in there to see them and react and break NC. It's stressful but we can't control what they decide they want to do.

Peace 

[arjay]

So I stupidly write her this loving email, not text, saying how it's stupid to be texting we should get together and talk things Out we love each other, and I know we have others.  (How stupid!)     (Yes, all this romantic stuff like nothing bad every happened.    

she now has my girlfriends name.  Probably seen the post and put 2 and 2 together. SHe is not dumb and I seen her go after ex's. I worried she will send the emai lto my girlfriend and we been going out for sometime now.  This is not a good situation

Greetings.  We all made mistakes regarding sometimes breaking NC, but a bit more concerned about a  "loving email" while you are in another relationship?  :)id I understand correctly?

Breaking NC is something we all know about and had to deal with too so no one is going to judge you.  Sending love emails to your ex while in another relationship is a disaster waiting to happen however, not to mention how your current g/f might feel if she finds out about the love-letter.

It seems you are not ready to really let-go of the 'ex' and you may want to consider why you are in another relationship and maybe giving the new one "false hopes".  Is that fair?  We all needed time to heal and really move on.  It seems from your post it is maybe a bit premature for you to be in another relationship sorry to say.  I found myself dating someone after completing counseling and 6 months NC and realized I was not ready so I broke it off, out of respect for her and myself.

Peace