You are in a safe place. Please speak frankly.
I will also tell you that you may run into some that will challenge you on things that you say. Please welcome this... . and don't take it as heat.
1. There is most likely part of the story we are missing. Please tell it.
2. We all have issues... . I certainly do... . and being aware and focused on doing what we can on those... . so we minimize the negative impact on our relationships is huge.
I can understand the frustration. It is common in my relationship for things to spill over into my sex life.
One of the hardest things I had to work through... . without getting mad (or to be honest... . without getting "too mad" was when she tried to break through my limits by withholding sex. And I'm not talking about telling me no... . I'm talking about I'm about to penetrate and she uses her hand to guide me away... . and tells me I can get in there... . if I give up my passwords.
Luckily... . I had thought something like that might happen... . so I didn't flip out. A time or two of me not reacting... . saying I was sorry she felt that way.
She dropped it... . and the sex life was back on. She described it to our marriage counselor as "I started feeling silly for doing that... so I changed... . was very minimalist about it and denied trying to use it as a weapon."
At that point I focused on moving along... . not "proving" that she was thinking something else.
Sorry if this was a bit to "detailed" for some... . but I really think this should be a place to speak frankly... . with great detail... . because you never know when someone else will need advice on this same situation.
My dBPDxw was also a survivor of sexual abuse. It helped for her to be "in control".
Were you aware of this before the marriage and did you discuss it? Has she even considered seeking some help?
Peace to you
Thank you all.
In response to the above I will say that this is a tough issue for me.
I assume this is a safe place for me to speak frankly and openly about my needs without getting a lot of heat for being who I am.
We had discussed her past before marriage.
When I met her she was the most sexually adventurous and exciting woman I had ever met.
Honestly, the sex was part of the whole package that I signed up for when we married.
I love the person she is, brilliant, tender and caring and... . a hellcat.
SO this is really frustrating to me.
She quite drinking which made her less wild.
Then she started taking Xanax to go to sleep.
In short I want her to be healthy mentally, but I also want to have sex again and not just begrudging sex, which has also stopped.
