You mean, do they fall in Love with you differently than others sometimes and they really want it to work with you, not just because they want someboby but because they want you, and so when the disorder splitting cycle starts to come up, and they recognize it, do they panic, shut down, leave, etc. before things get too bad? I'd certainly like to believe that about my BPDex gf...
Wow... I do remember my ex trying different things and things were different with me than with her other exes. She used to talk bad about one guy, she hated him, said she never really loved him and I heard stories of how mean she was to him because "he was just stupid" or whatever. On the other hand, when we broke up, even with all the negative things that were said, she conceded that I did try very hard and she knew that she was difficult to deal with and that she would always love me. I heard/read conversations she had with other people - family, mutual friends and even though she made alot of things seem like my fault, the things she said mainly had an element of truth to them... . she never said she hated me, or really bad things about me, mainly like, we "just weren't meant to be" or "we got stuck" and stuff like that. I have never heard her gushing over the new guy they way she used to tell everyone how amazing I was, etc, and on Facebook posts, etc.
Now we seem to be currently on positive, stable terms, if mainly NC. I can handle it as long as she doesn't start manipulating or trying too hard to recycle me. Idk time will tell I guess, but who knows what they are really thinking... . I'd like to believe that when my ex says she will always love me, I was still her knight in armor, etc. but we just weren't meant to be... that she really means those things, and maybe she wants to keep the memory of our relationship as positive as possible and she knows that if we continued or tried again, it would keep getting worse because of her disorder... Seems like I remember her saying something like sometimes, loving someone means having to let go... .
Exactly this. WE should be very careful to not split them either, even if it's the easy way. BPD or not, she's a Ahman being. Why shouldn't she be able to make "rational" decisions either.
My My wife broke up with me twice. The first time was with a letter. The point in time I got the letter was effed up (barely 3 months into the relationship,) but I guess she knows herself better than I do.
For weeks something was boiling behind the scenes. She was quite. I thought she was giving me the silent treatment (granted she wasn't always nice to me.) But in retrospect it seems to me it wasn't that much of BPD a hole behavior, rather her trying to keep something under control. She was under a lot of pressure.
Also. At the the time the letter was incomprehensible to me.
- you are the love of my life, always will be
- we are at a point where things can and will go ugly quickly
- I will always cherish what we had
- hardest thing I've ever done
- I hope one day you can forgive me
It was the most mature and caring breakup I have ever experienced (not considering the moment she broke up, but as I said... . She probably knew better what ugly means.)
I tried to save the relationship and we slipped back into hopes and plans, but I don't think she was recycling me. She said it in the letter, Love of her life. She didn't do anything else than I did. Let her heart think and have hopes.
This is where it turned ugly.
I I thought she had painted me black, but after recognizing what happened I thought "better" of her. If the above is right she made a huge sacrifice for us to at least keep the memories of us alive.
Not just riding the wave until everything turns to sheet. At least that was her intent. Other relationships with her ended very very different.
I sent her a birthday card wishing her the best etc. Nothing clingy, except closing it by "love always."
Didn't expect an answer, I was sure she had painted me black after I was what she called clingy when things turned ugly and she broke up the second time with coldness. NC on her part.
Well... . Yesterday I got a text from her saying thank you for the card (which is remarkable, considering she is in a new relationship.)
Is she trying to recycle? Manipulate?
I don't think so. Why should I say it's typical BPD? If she hadn't answered I could have said the same.
Maybe it is true what she she said. And she is capable of painting Grey, or even breaking up while keeping me white(ish) (there will still be the shame).
Which would make me very happy. For her.
Not because of getting my hopes up. But maybe the person I love and care for so much has now at least, for the first time in her life a frame of reference for what she can expect from someone that says he loves her. Maybe even gotten a glimpse of her worth. And never again ending up with a narcissist who came VERY close to ending her life.
We shouldn't always go the easy route and attribute everything to to them "being BPD." See it this way... . Just as much as we couldn't do anything right... . They can't. No matter what she did... . I could ALWAYS say "yeah. Typical BPD behavior."
Maybe we should accept there is a Grey area, too.
If above is true... . She brought the biggest sacrifice anyone brought for me n regards to relationships. Even if it hurts like hell.
Maybe I was special after all. Showing her what love is. And she knew we still would lose. Paying me back by at least trying to preserve the memory for us.
The new guy? Well. She has BPD after all and needs someone to fill the void.
