Sorry hit 'post' too soon... .
So the decision is made but how to execute is the thing now. When? How? What to say? How to keep the kids from feeling the brunt? How to keep myself safe? How to actually start the convo... . all that... . it's a mess inside my head and then this news comes... . it's going to be ONE more thing that adds to the mess.
You are like me. I'm analytical with my decisions, especially with the big ones. I feel comfort in knowing that all of the angles are anticipated before I go ahead with it. I take my time. If you need time to think everything through, then take that time. This is a big one. You are not affecting just one life. That was my biggest fear with the kids is divorce when I was told we're done. I realized afterwards in my case that it was better for the kids than hanging on to the dysfunctions. I can be the rock that they need on my time (the emotional stability and safe zone, the validating environment instead of invalidating and break the cycle) and the fighting between mom and I is over. It's a fact of life now with separation and divorce and many are. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me.
You have a right to be happy. If his dysfunctions are affecting you and the kids, it'll hurt in the long run. Sometimes it's better to be separate. Is he open to getting help? Only you can make that choice. Don't be hard on yourself if you choose wisely. I'm sorry to hear it's causing you strife and stress.
