Hi antony James
I would just say don't underestimate the pain that can occur when we invest a lot in something or someone that seems full of hope when we're at a difficult stage in our own lives - and then lose that source of hope - but are still left with the great difficulties.
That was one of the key issues I faced when I felt a lot of pain at the end of a very brief relationship with someone with NPD/BPD traits.
I knew that I was having a tough time in my life at that point - with health and with work issues. But I wasn't aware just how very vulnerable that made me. I really needed something 'good' and 'supportive'' to come along. And in fact a relationship materialised that appeared to be those things - but really wasn't - as I quickly discovered. I felt much worse because I'd had a glimpse of 'something good' - and then that disappeared - and worse still was shown to be a bit of a mirage.
I'm not saying that this is all that's going on with you. Only you (with the support of a T) can work that out. But don't mistake that one aspect of this pain for a small thing.
Wishing you well. WWT.
yes WWT i invested too much and too early because it was the only "good" thing in my life at that phase. i had a lot of bad things going on in my life and it was a lot out of my control. what have made these issues unresolved, accumlating and burdening is that i did not mark them as out of my control. i was naive. she was honest about her past with relationships and men with a lot of red flags of marriages and abortions. i was naive to think that she has changed. i was naive to think that this was going so fast because she is now sure about what she wants and is not playing games, became mature and wants to have a true honest straight forward life after all these r\s. she pretended to have changed her values and cores to the good. she always show that she does not care about money (as i was earning less) and that love and simple life values are better than anything as she has "learned it the hard way". add that to the emotions of idealization and of course i was sucked in. but there was still the voice of intuition that warned me and i ignored it. my ego won.
still i was fortunate to expose her quickly. i was out after 6 days of devaluation. it was like a switch. i am still getting over the whole sudden situation even after 4 months. the sudden change. 2 or 3 weeks of up and then 2 weeks down the pit of hell. it was intense and quick. big part of my trauma is because of the quickness of events. yes i should not underestimate what i have been through. maybe the pain is just the pain of the break up it does not have to be something else. I should be kind to myself and stop over criticizing that much.
