Missing my child's first birthday

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

.

[momtara]

.

[scraps66]

I would be very careful about an approach of, "teaching a lesson."  Given the deplorable level of incompetence at work in many courthouses across the nation, you could end up being very disappointed.  Keep a "neutral" posture as much as you can.  I my case I found that the "victories" were miniscule and few and far between in comparison to the aggravation and effort required to achieve a certain outcome.  Even things that are seemingly insignificant can be get horribly out of hand when dealing with a BP.

Also, teaching a lesson via legalities = $$$$$$$$$$$.  So I think a different mindset is necessary, don't get wrapped up in things like getting back at, concentrate on your daughter and that can alleviate your feelings about her mother.  Beyond that, again referencing the courthosue craziness, my L had told me, "if you're looking for justice, you're in the wrong place."

[hurting300]

I won full custody of my first daughter. I'm almost 100% I'll win again. We now have proof of her mental illness. Her record of not working past 6 months on a job, and no place to stay. Plus it helps that the judges are familiar with me.

[momtara]

You use language like 'teach a lesson' and 'she will pay.'   That sounds like anger and revenge talking.  Natural emotions, but hopefully your main aim is not to cause more hurt.  It's healthier to focus on helping your daughter and yourself.

[hurting300]

I am angry honestly. But for 18 months i paid her way and loved her more than I did myself. I still love her. But in the end she tested me to far. Over the last six months i felt things changing for the worse. So... .I gathered evidence against her. Videos, diaries, recorded calls. She has led a life of screwing over innocent men and lying and cheating. Now she messed with the wrong one. Mental illness is no excuse. Now we also have her medical records and family members arrest records. I will not stop until she's committed. And gets the help she needs. You have no idea the emotional trauma she has put me thru. I thank you all for your help.

[Artisan]

Put your child before the anger and face the real issues and not her crazy.

you aren't here to help her fix herself and be a white knight.

Be a dad.

[hurting300]

Thanks man... .I'm really tryin not to be mad.

[Artisan]

It's a tough situation, and my heart goes out to you and your family.

In this case, take care of your daughter, then be angry.

If the court see's you angry, or out to get even or teach a lesson or anything along those lines, you've lost.

[Deb]

Just want to point out that you cannot teach a person with BPD a lesson. No matter what, it will be YOUR fault. Their illness guarantess they will never get it.

[hurting300]

That's true... I just can't believe this is happening. We should be married and cuddled up watching a movie while our baby plays. Not her vanishing with our baby and me trying to find them crying in my pillow every night.

[catnap]

Since she is driving by your house on a regular basis, has your L suggested hiring a private investigator?  We had to use one to locate son's exgf to serve her court papers. 

[ForeverDad]

I just can't believe this is happening.

Shock

We should be married and cuddled up watching a movie while our baby plays.

wishes & dreams

Not her vanishing with our baby

reality you must accept

and me trying to find them crying in my pillow every night.

understandable but meanwhile find a good long term strategy

What's messed up, is she's been driving by my house! Four times so far. I'm always gone when she does this. My mom and neighbors tell me about it. And another thing. She always blocks me on Facebook also. But this time she deactivated her Facebook.

Was she seen driving by at the same time of day or day of week?  Any way to narrow down the most likely times of day?  It's probably too expensive to hire PI 24/7 so narrowing it down could help a lot.  And have you considered adding video surveillance to your yard with a view of the street just in case?

As for the social blocking, it's retaliatory mind games.  It's her account, she has the right to do it.  Also, if she's disappeared this thoroughly, she may have gotten legal advice?

[momtara]

"We should be married and cuddled up watching a movie while our baby plays"

You are right.  It's so easy to think about what could be.  Hopefully someday you will have a more normal family life.  I hope I will!

[hurting300]

She could have gotten legal advise but we have proof of her mental illness, but honestly she has no money.

[momtara]

Have you found them yet?  If she's driving by, she can't be far.

[hurting300]

No not yet, she is off the grid.