When to call the police

[mjsunshine]

My husband of 10 years is bipolar. When he is on his meds, all is fine. He will not take them most of the time though. Rage, violence, irrational thoughts etc. I can take a LOT and am PATIENT but this afternoon he through my head against the wall so many times, bit me, cursed me, had me sit on the floor, nearly choked the life out of me. I am an intelligent person and I have left (not going back). If I call law enforcement, he will be gone for good and not calling me to "work things out"... .Do I shut him off and hope for best or let them lock him away. I took pics, not feeling good and VERY exhausted (emotionally/physically) so if someone could please reply I would greatly appreciate any help/insight.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

My husband of 10 years is bipolar. When he is on his meds, all is fine. He will not take them most of the time though. Rage, violence, irrational thoughts etc. I can take a LOT and am PATIENT but this afternoon he through my head against the wall so many times, bit me, cursed me, had me sit on the floor, nearly choked the life out of me. I am an intelligent person and I have left (not going back). If I call law enforcement, he will be gone for good and not calling me to "work things out"... .Do I shut him off and hope for best or let them lock him away. I took pics, not feeling good and VERY exhausted (emotionally/physically) so if someone could please reply I would greatly appreciate any help/insight.

Where are you right now?  Where is your husband? 

Is there any chance he can get to you and attack you again? 

Hang in there.   

We'll get you some good help over here in a bit.

[mjsunshine]

I am in a safe place and in no immediate danger. Hanging on by a thread of good judgement to leave while I could.

[formflier]

I am in a safe place and in no immediate danger. Hanging on by a thread of good judgement to leave while I could.

This is good!

You also are in a safe place here... .on this website.  Please stay tuned in. 

As you start to think about your next steps... .please let us know what you are thinking.  We will try to help you think through your decisions.

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, mjsunshine, and like formflier, I'm very happy to hear that you are in a safe place, and in no danger as of now. Do you actually have a safety plan if things should change with him? This link: Safety First will give you very good information on staying safe, and this one: TOOLS: Domestic Violence Against Women could give you insights to answer the questions you are asking. No one can tell you for sure whether you should call the Police now or not... .everyone's situation is different, and their circumstances involving their safety is specific. I think the links above can help you come to the solution that is good for you.

Do you have someone to talk to, one on one? Friend? Family? Clergy? Help Center or Women's Center? Your area probably has an Emergency or Help Line to call; are you aware of it? Even if you are safe right now, getting the information you need from a third party can add to your knowledge of what is available to you and appropriate for changing circumstances.

I'm really sorry, mjsunshine, for the stress and fear you are going through, and want you to be safe and sound... .Please check out the links I've given you above, and be aware of all of your options. This is never easy, and we all want to see you well and safe. I'm so happy that you were able to remove yourself from the situation. Is this the first time something this serious has happened? Has your husband been arrested in the past? Is his past behavior some sort of predictor of present or future behavior? Please stay safe, check out your options, and let us know how you are doing, Okay? 

[P.F.Change]

Hi, mjsunshine,

That is certainly concerning that your husband threw your head against the wall and choked you. It must have been very frightening for you. Have you had your injuries examined by a physician?

In this kind of situation it can really help to talk to someone locally who can help you make the best plan for your safety. Rapt Reader has given you some good resources to look into. Would you be willing to call a local crisis center as well?

Wishing you peace,

PF

[Leelou]

My husband of 10 years is bipolar. When he is on his meds, all is fine. He will not take them most of the time though. Rage, violence, irrational thoughts etc. I can take a LOT and am PATIENT but this afternoon he through my head against the wall so many times, bit me, cursed me, had me sit on the floor, nearly choked the life out of me. I am an intelligent person and I have left (not going back). If I call law enforcement, he will be gone for good and not calling me to "work things out"... .Do I shut him off and hope for best or let them lock him away. I took pics, not feeling good and VERY exhausted (emotionally/physically) so if someone could please reply I would greatly appreciate any help/insight.

Mjsunshine, good grief be safe, make a report, start boundaries.  This is beyond acceptable and you have done the right thing.  You must stop this by creating a NO!  If he gets help, and takes his meds, then maybe you can talk... .but it's an if.  First thing this is illegal behaviour, it's a crime.  He could do more next time!  Stay strong, and really set boundaries for yourself, what do you want? How do you want to be treated? A big kiss to you, hope you stay safe x

[mjsunshine]

Thank you all for who responded. He VOLUNTARILY checked himself into the hospital. I do not want to punish him for making the right decision however I do not want him to think he is being rewarded either. I know his illness is a disease and do believe he has no control over actions at times but refusing to take medication and closing off all help is as dangerous as a drunk driver. I have chosen not to call the police but I did take photos of bruises and made it clear that we are "separated" indefinitely yet willing to talk and be supportive. Hope I did the right thing.

[mjsunshine]

I forgot to mention I did phone the local assistance that was provided to me in a private message and that helped deal w/ a very difficult, long, painful night. Thank you.

[Turkish]

Thank you all for who responded. He VOLUNTARILY checked himself into the hospital. I do not want to punish him for making the right decision however I do not want him to think he is being rewarded either. I know his illness is a disease and do believe he has no control over actions at times but refusing to take medication and closing off all help is as dangerous as a drunk driver. I have chosen not to call the police but I did take photos of bruises and made it clear that we are "separated" indefinitely yet willing to talk and be supportive. Hope I did the right thing.

That's great that he did that. You did what you needed to do to stay safe, physically and emotionally. Your boundaries seem to have pushed him to do that.

[Foreverhopefull]

Where I live , we can call the cops to "control" the situation. They talk to an emergency hotline that will tell them to take the "patient" to the hospital or if there is another option.

They won't arrest if you don't press charges (they told me once unless I say so, it wasn't the best option for us. That they would ensure I can go back home safely to grab a few things (and our dog) and he was to stay in the house.

I'm glad to hear you are safe now. It's a fine line of what is acceptable or not, but physical violence is never acceptable.

[formflier]

I forgot to mention I did phone the local assistance that was provided to me in a private message and that helped deal w/ a very difficult, long, painful night. Thank you.

I'm glad we were able to help. 

What do you think is your next step? 

Can you monitor that he is still in the hospital? 

[Leelou]

Thank you all for who responded. He VOLUNTARILY checked himself into the hospital. I do not want to punish him for making the right decision however I do not want him to think he is being rewarded either. I know his illness is a disease and do believe he has no control over actions at times but refusing to take medication and closing off all help is as dangerous as a drunk driver. I have chosen not to call the police but I did take photos of bruises and made it clear that we are "separated" indefinitely yet willing to talk and be supportive. Hope I did the right thing.

Congratulations, I am so relieved for you - you are safe and you've set a boundary.  It's hard now to keep that boundary line, but take strength from what you did, you set a big NO and got a positive result.  Say no whenever you feel unsafe and you can make some sense out of the unsensible situation of this illness.  Keep safe x

[mjsunshine]

He is still and will remain in the hospital until he checks himself out (because it was voluntary admission). I have set boundaries and do know that my safety has to come before his illness or neither one of us has much hope for a future. His family is supportive, mine understands (this has been a 10 year relationship) but everyone is in agreement that if he resists change, support, medication etc then there is not much more any of us can do.

Again, I do appreciate the support and after this crisis has passed, I will try to respond to others in the way that you all have reached out to me.

Giving local contacts on a difficult nite was encouraging as was learning that some authorities will take persons to a facility treatment instead of into custody. I do not know if I will ever forgive that nite, I'm certain I won't forget it but tomorrow is a new start ("over".