Why is resisting contact so hard?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I obviously have the same problem. I set a boundary and she busts right through. She keeps hammering away, over and over. And I collapse. Why?

Now I've really realized that this person is sick. Why do I 'love' her. I don't get it. She's very psychologically ill. And she will destroy me. She doesn't care about me. She doesn't care about herself. She told me she knows I don't want the contact and that the rejection of my reestablishing the NC boundary is terrible for her, yet she keeps contacting. She told me she is impulsive and won't ever stop. She literally can't.

I am seeking that high. I am seeking the validation.

[willy45]

I obviously have the same problem. I set a boundary and she busts right through. She keeps hammering away, over and over. And I collapse. Why?

Now I've really realized that this person is sick. Why do I 'love' her. I don't get it. She's very psychologically ill. And she will destroy me. She doesn't care about me. She doesn't care about herself. She told me she knows I don't want the contact and that the rejection of my reestablishing the NC boundary is terrible for her, yet she keeps contacting. She told me she is impulsive and won't ever stop. She literally can't.

I am seeking that high. I am seeking the validation.

[amigo]

Hello, my name is amigo, and I am a BPD addict too.

And it happened from just trying it once... .

Yes, the addiction, the triggering when we see, hear, remember anything related to the "drug", it's all so very true. So incredibly hard to give up.

I don't think I will ever get validation. But I do still crave that hit.

[SeekerofTruth]

By challenging our fears we can begin to control the anxiety into what is actually real versus what we perceive to be real.

Regarding  your anger - anger is a natural emotion in grief... .whether she contacted you or stopped contacting you - anger is going to occur.  Anger is also a mask for hurt - leaning into this a bit more now - is her contacting you hurting you because it really reinforces that to take care of you, you must continue to let her go - and frankly that hurts? 

BINGO for me!  Hell ya!  Although I never thought of it that way before... .eeek.  TY S.B.