Hi all
Thanks for your thoughts. Always appreciated!
... .They seem love to do these kind of mind games and play with our minds. Lots of mind games, psychologic manipulation, toying with our minds and actually messing with us.
Dont let that afect you Blonde, thats what they do... .
Thanks,
Junknown – agreed. I read a quote here the other day that stuck with me :
“Strange game. The only winning move is not to play”. I think he’s (successfully) played games with all his past relationships but I've got 8 years on him and I'm nowhere near as easy to manipulate as his previous 22 year old girlfriends (I'm also a stubborn and guarded piece of work. Saw my T last week, she muttered to herself "BR, I can only imagine what a challenge you will seem to him... .
)
A pwBPD have difficulties expressing their needs. It sounds like he is testing the waters. I'm sorry it's confusing.
Thank you,
Mutt.
Well, it was a mistake. Taking the emotion out of if, which is so much easier for us at this distance, what happened is he got overloaded and dysregulated, and now, with time and space to let things settle, his feelings are not terrifying a d he got the relief he needed by pushing you away. And now here comes the pull.
Ah
Patientandclear – one of my favourite posters. I need to tell you I your posts! Yes, you’re right – look at it objectively and it was indeed a mistake!
In the absence of insight on his part into this cycle though, that will keep happening. And because a lot of pain is associated with what has already happened, the stakes and fear are now higher for you both. You have not yet heard the resentment over how you just let him go, didn't fight for him, etc. The basic mechanisms are all still embedded. That's what makes these situations so hard. He is booby-trapped but he is probably largely unaware of that.
I know it will keep happening and I absolutely will not be going back for another serving – my goodness it was sour enough the first time round! Interesting point re: resentment, I hadn’t thought of that.
Sue him in small claims court?
Hi
Tausk Yes, I have taken legal advice and this communication was part of it – letting him know that legal action would be the next step and, on the advice of my lawyer, was basically covering my butt so if it goes as far as court then they can see I made very reasonable suggestions to resolve it and will therefore look more favourably on me. Generally the courts like you to have made an attempt to resolve the matter yourself before bringing it to them. (I think this is why I was quite surprised with his comment – considering I was outlining that I will launch legal proceedings against him if he doesn’t comply I would have expected an “F OFF!” rather than a “I made a mistake”... .)
Do you want to get back together? Are you being honest with yourself?
No because as you said:
... .your ex is Bat Sht Crazy, and Crazy Is as Crazy Does.
Blonde--I'm in the EXACT same boat: thousands and thousands owed equal the thousands and thousands of promises to repay. Tausk--I have hired a lawyer but have been wishy washy knowing that getting a judgement (perhaps even filing a complaint) could violate his probation and return him to an institutional setting--perhaps that's where he needs to be, and once again--I should be taking care of myself,
Hi
LoveofhislifeAh, that is a tricky one – the stakes in your situation are higher than in mine. I wouldn't like to have to deal with that. I'm so sorry, it must be stressful. I have been guilty of not taking care of myself in the past, perhaps now is the time you start to put yourself first.
