My story

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

the first time I read that we are like tampons, I laughed but the more I think about my life with her that is all I was what a witch.

[ajr5679]

the first time I read that we are like tampons, I laughed but the more I think about my life with her that is all I was what a witch.

[Fluff]

antony_james, Thank you thank you thank you! The most difficult part is the doubt.

We're so lucky to have found this community... .

[Blimblam]

Fluff

Have you got angry yet?

When I was renaming in contact with my ex my FOG would over ride my anger. Actually my anger was the FOG.

[Fluff]

Fluff

Have you got angry yet?

When I was renaming in contact with my ex my FOG would over ride my anger. Actually my anger was the FOG.

Not so much. I have a hard time being angry in general, and the doubt/fog has been in the way of the anger. From time to time when the memories of our last encounter pop up I have a little anger outburst. I then, when alone, act out what I'd want to say to her and our mutual friends that watched me burn.

This fog thing sucks. :D I know what's behind the fog, but it's still not clearing up.

Edit: Oh, and I'm not in contact with her. The last message from her I posted was from the end of June. Though, I guess stalking FB/Insta might keep the fog there.

[Blimblam]

The FOG

Is a stage and as much as I wanted it to go away now that I can identify it when I feel it with somone else I will see the red flag.

I believe FOG has been personified as the archetypical charachter as smeagol/golom in The Lord of the rings trilogy. 

Going on YouTube and watching all the smeagol scenes helped me to indentify the fog energy in a way that helped clarify things.

[Fluff]

  I see what you mean. You're funny. I guess you're right. What I need to do is split her, because right now the fantasy person(Smeagol?) and the one that ___ed me over(Gollum?) is merged into one foggy character.

[Blimblam]

I see what you mean. You're funny. I guess you're right. What I need to do is split her, because right now the fantasy person(Smeagol?) and the one that ___ed me over(Gollum?) is merged into one foggy character.

Well the way I see it is I was in possession of the FOG. I identified with the fog and I had difficulty seeing the fog from an objective standpoint because I experience it subjectively.

Watching the smeagol scenes allowed me to See my own experience from an objective standpoint.  In the concept of mindfulness they speak of observing your throughts and emotions.  Watching smeagol and identifying with these emotions as an observer allowed me to sort of train this mindfulness observer aspect of myself. By identifying the observer who recognizes and identifies this projection in this case smeagol as the part of myself that experiences fog.

[Blimblam]

Also in your story

MF is either codependent or a partial sociopath.

[Junknown]

Hello there.

Just wanted to say i read all your story and found it really amazing. I identified with a lot of the aspects and situations you had with you ex and i tell you this is a great example of all the stories we all went through. Some are shorter, some are longer, some involve less or more people but in the end it all sums up to total devastation, confusion and an engulfment in FOG because of the feelings we have for this person that entered so easily into our lives and that we have so much difficulty to make get out.

You and many of us are very lucky for having been in a situation like this and leaving with the lesson learned and progress to be done without worser damage, like a baby or common debts.

Best of luck to you, there will be better and worse days but in the end we are survivors.

[Fluff]

Owww, I don't know what to do. MF just sent a friend request on FB. I deleted him in June/July.

I used to like the guy. We were friends. And he holds so much information about my ex.

Maybe he cheated with my ex. But would he have the guts to befriend me then... .

And for sure he watched me burn.

I want to talk to him. But then no... .aarrghhhh

[ajr5679]

RUN Fluff! don't look back.

[Blimblam]

It's really up to you if you want to communicate with him.  You will be treading on some boundaries of your ex and assume anything you say will get back to her eventually.

You might get some closure out of communicating with him. He may be looking for closure also. In my opinion it is a form of triangulation pertaining to your ex not that it is good or bad.

In my experience everyone I Delt with that knew my ex before me had some sort of angle and or betrayed me. I ended up creating a lot more drama for myself by remaining in touch with them. 

I suggest taking a look at the way you worded your question.  You don't need anyone's permission to choose except you own.

[Fluff]

Ok, so, I think I'm about to go another round with this one. And, I need like a protective space suite this time.

We stopped talking in the summer 3 years ago. Since then I've had a couple of girlfriends and she has a boyfriend.

After three years of total NC from both of us we accidently got in touch with each other over WhatsApp in march this year.

It got intense really fast. Seeming like we've both been yearning for each other but chosen no to bother the other one. She was apologizing a lot, saying she'll always love me, that she don't have words to describe how much she missed me, she can't wait to meet me again, it would be "out of this world". She says she's in therapy now, that she knows she behaved in ways that made people confused and anxious. She takes a lot of responsibility for what happened, but blames most of it on the external things that, truly, happened.

The months went by, we kept talking, I was more cool, she kept talking like above. She was about to come visit me now in the fall. She got a new job she really wanted, and thus couldn't come. After that the communication cooled down and she started taking a lot longer to reply. I guess getting together started looking unrealistic to her.

A week or so ago I asked her if she has regrets and wish we could be together again. She says "Of course I wish things could be different, but we can't change the past so we have to look for the future". I don't understand what she means.
I tell her a part of me still crazy loves her, but that the biggest part moved on and that I'm happy.
She says "I'm happy, that you're happy *SIGH*"

I don't know what's going on or what I'm doing. Part of me is really happy, part of me knows this will go really bad, and the biggest part is absolutly confused. I dunno... .Into the fog!

[Lostinanother]

this Probably won’t be your last post here then... .

[Fluff]

What does "Of course I wish things could be different, but we can't change the past so we have to look for the future" mean? To forget about us and move on, or to forget about the bad things and go another round?

[Lostinanother]

Exactly! She’s playing with you. That’s why she worded it like that.

[Fluff]

Ouff what a mindf*ck this is. After longing for 3 years she comes back and says exactly what I had dreamed she would say. And I know she mean it 110%. But... .that means nothing.  

Edit: And still, if anyone knows how to interpret the above quote please tell me.

[Mutt]

 I’d ask her directly what she meant, tell her to rephrase it but if you want my two cents, she’s asking for a clean slate.