Regrets, second thoughts, doubts

[NeedHelpPls]

I was in so much pain, and was physically ill from the stress of being involved with someone whose behaviour cannot be understood.

Eventually reached my threshold and called it quits.

I thought I would feel free as a bird, no stress, no more going out of my way to nurture her feelings only to be treated like I am the worst guy out there.

But as time subsides, I catch myself thinking, did I over-react? am I the sensitive one?

People around me seems to be in a relationship ridden with issue as well, am I a failure for giving up? While I know its ridiculous to think this way, looking back at how deeply unhappy I was that I began questioning my own sanity.

I feel like I'm so messed up that the notion of starting another relationship scares me and sometimes I long for the hugs and kisses with her like an addiction.

[Recooperating]

I know exaclty how you feel! I have felt like this soo many times and it made me recycle so mant times.

I am NC now for 13 days and I caught myself thinking this to... .But its an illusion.

I just typed a list on another thread here, with reasons why I shouldnt go back. To me the list is normal... .Its what we are use to... .I am sure if my friends read this list they will ask me if I had lost my mind!

"Normal" couples have "normal" fights. Ive been in a "normal" relationship. Ofcourse we had fights, about money, chores, every day stuff. But fights were based ondisagreements, not on ridiculous nonsense. We faught within boundaries, not being disrespectfull. We disagreed, didnt rage, yell, scream... .There were no threaths, no manipulations... .It was a disagreements between grown ups... .

They way my dBPDex would blow up and threathn me when I had diner and a friends house is not acceptable. The name calling, disrespect, cheating, tantrum, suicide threaths isnt normal.

I asked myself several times if I over reacted and maybe it wasnt that bad. But it was... .I just tend to forget the bad and let the good times linger... .

[Jb101]

I think we all feel this at some point. the better I get the more I can process it and put t in perspective and know that it was something out of my control. At the time, and soon after I often thought I just needed to be stronger. But now I can look back and the situation and what she did was just farcical... .

Part of it for me at least was she was very good at making me feel just like that - she would say and do things to make me think I just needed to be stronger to accept and deal with it. Now I remember the events and can only shake my head and wonder how I didn't see how bad it was and run... .

I'm not saying it's easy, and even now I have moments of regret etc. But now I can also counter that with a healthy perspective on the abuse, which early on was just impossible, the cycles and behaviours had just become ingrained...

One other thing I'd note is it depends a little on how long the relationship was. We broke up early after a few months and it was utterly out of nowhere. We'd spent the morning making love and incredibly close and then that night she went into a rage out of nowhere and ended it. That left me with huge doubts, but after getting back together things eventually got much worse so now I have a lot of bad experiences to counter any regrets etc.


Not sure that helps or not, but hang in there. It's incredibly hard, but eventually it will get better :-)

[NeedHelpPls]

I think we all feel this at some point. the better I get the more I can process it and put t in perspective and know that it was something out of my control. At the time, and soon after I often thought I just needed to be stronger. But now I can look back and the situation and what she did was just farcical... .

Part of it for me at least was she was very good at making me feel just like that - she would say and do things to make me think I just needed to be stronger to accept and deal with it. Now I remember the events and can only shake my head and wonder how I didn't see how bad it was and run... .

I'm not saying it's easy, and even now I have moments of regret etc. But now I can also counter that with a healthy perspective on the abuse, which early on was just impossible, the cycles and behaviours had just become ingrained...

One other thing I'd note is it depends a little on how long the relationship was. We broke up early after a few months and it was utterly out of nowhere. We'd spent the morning making love and incredibly close and then that night she went into a rage out of nowhere and ended it. That left me with huge doubts, but after getting back together things eventually got much worse so now I have a lot of bad experiences to counter any regrets etc.


Not sure that helps or not, but hang in there. It's incredibly hard, but eventually it will get better :-)

we were together for about a year and a half and was engaged for good number of months.

she tried to end it many times before we were engaged, but i always managed to turn her around (she never meant to leave i guess). then after we were engaged, all the crazyness was still there but threat of leaving became less and less frequent. I eventually put an end just before the invitation was sent out. I feel horrible and feel like I've led her on when all the red flags and issues were clearly there.