Finally ran into this chick

[Depression = 72% of members]

so after nearly 2 years of not seeing my xuBPDgf i ran into her today. short back-story is that we were living together, broke up, she moved out across town, then a full year later she moved back onto my block--it was creepy and for me intrusive. other than one phone convo that she initiated when she moved back (without telling me she was living within earshot), i've kept strict NC. found out through neighbors that she lived there. and i feel very fortunate that after a few months she stopped provoking and parking near my car or in front of my house. it's actually a blessing that i've avoided seeing her for almost 2 years considering how close she lives.

we have the same neighbors and i hang out with people in one of the houses. they hang out with her too, and are aware that i prefer not to be in contact with the ex. they're cool about it and i've been cool about it and just let them know that it's not my preference but not to worry if it happens. so far so good. well, today i'm hanging out with them bbq'ing in the front yard and she comes right on over and starts hanging out. we completely ignored each other. i acted like she didn't exist and she did the same. it was nice actually but i do have to say seeing her all the sudden walk up a whole wave of anxiousness overcame me. i think what helped me through was that mentally i've been preparing for this moment for a while. and one thing i decided long ago which i'm glad of is that i will never initiate any contact or conversation from her, ever. and i was able to stick to this. while i did feel pretty nervous at first it became kind of like a challenge for me. i was wondering, should i leave? is it bad if i stay? should i say anything... .hell no. ok, i'll just sit with my emotions and carry on. i ended up hanging out for about another 20 min or so and we just stayed out of each others' way. i went in with a neighbor to get another beer and he started apologizing profusely saying he just forgot about me not wanting to be around her and that he was sorry. i told him not to worry at all, and most of all that i just appreciated that he brought it up. this was their gathering and there wouldn't be any issues, but thanks for taking my feelings into account.

i was fine hanging out a bit more, chatting with the neighbors and playing the mutual "my-ex-is-dead-to-me" game  i think without much negativity or weirdness (i hope). and then left with a friend who had to head out somewhere else. it's silly to act this way but i can't really think of anything else to do. i know i'm not going to initiate any convo, and i have a plan for if she does, which is to basically be cordial if she is, indifferent if she is foul, or in the least likely scenario that she gets nasty i have no problem putting her in her place. but i doubt it would come to this.

the thing is though, it's just sad now that i can see what she's about. i overheard her talking to a friend of mine and describing her living situation. i've heard via neighbors that there's been issues between her and the landlord. the landlord owns several properties around here and does a lot of community organizing. in general he's been a great guy and all of us have worked with him on community projects, or rent from him. well, she was just slandering his name. saying he was money hungry, that he's a d**k, that he buys cheap properties and doesn't fix them up enough and charges exorbitant rents and is unfair. completely smearing this guy. and you know what? i know this guy *loved* my ex and gave her broke ass a chance a year later to rent one of his places when she was probably desperate after fights with her last roomate and breaking up with yet another ex. he never could understand why i would never speak to or of my ex... .but now brother she is smearing his ass. it's sad. but i bet soon he'll realize who she is after he helped her out.

the sad thing to me is that i was holding out hope that my ex would explode yet again and then move out. kind of like a cloud lifting from my block. but she was saying there weren't other places to move or she would have left already. still, i'm holding out hope that when she starts abusing her current live-in bf enough that things will get bad enough that she'll be forced to go. in any case though, i suppose i'm lucky to have gone this long with little to no contact. i'm happy with how i handled things, i just had to write this out

[goldylamont]

so after nearly 2 years of not seeing my xuBPDgf i ran into her today. short back-story is that we were living together, broke up, she moved out across town, then a full year later she moved back onto my block--it was creepy and for me intrusive. other than one phone convo that she initiated when she moved back (without telling me she was living within earshot), i've kept strict NC. found out through neighbors that she lived there. and i feel very fortunate that after a few months she stopped provoking and parking near my car or in front of my house. it's actually a blessing that i've avoided seeing her for almost 2 years considering how close she lives.

we have the same neighbors and i hang out with people in one of the houses. they hang out with her too, and are aware that i prefer not to be in contact with the ex. they're cool about it and i've been cool about it and just let them know that it's not my preference but not to worry if it happens. so far so good. well, today i'm hanging out with them bbq'ing in the front yard and she comes right on over and starts hanging out. we completely ignored each other. i acted like she didn't exist and she did the same. it was nice actually but i do have to say seeing her all the sudden walk up a whole wave of anxiousness overcame me. i think what helped me through was that mentally i've been preparing for this moment for a while. and one thing i decided long ago which i'm glad of is that i will never initiate any contact or conversation from her, ever. and i was able to stick to this. while i did feel pretty nervous at first it became kind of like a challenge for me. i was wondering, should i leave? is it bad if i stay? should i say anything... .hell no. ok, i'll just sit with my emotions and carry on. i ended up hanging out for about another 20 min or so and we just stayed out of each others' way. i went in with a neighbor to get another beer and he started apologizing profusely saying he just forgot about me not wanting to be around her and that he was sorry. i told him not to worry at all, and most of all that i just appreciated that he brought it up. this was their gathering and there wouldn't be any issues, but thanks for taking my feelings into account.

i was fine hanging out a bit more, chatting with the neighbors and playing the mutual "my-ex-is-dead-to-me" game  i think without much negativity or weirdness (i hope). and then left with a friend who had to head out somewhere else. it's silly to act this way but i can't really think of anything else to do. i know i'm not going to initiate any convo, and i have a plan for if she does, which is to basically be cordial if she is, indifferent if she is foul, or in the least likely scenario that she gets nasty i have no problem putting her in her place. but i doubt it would come to this.

the thing is though, it's just sad now that i can see what she's about. i overheard her talking to a friend of mine and describing her living situation. i've heard via neighbors that there's been issues between her and the landlord. the landlord owns several properties around here and does a lot of community organizing. in general he's been a great guy and all of us have worked with him on community projects, or rent from him. well, she was just slandering his name. saying he was money hungry, that he's a d**k, that he buys cheap properties and doesn't fix them up enough and charges exorbitant rents and is unfair. completely smearing this guy. and you know what? i know this guy *loved* my ex and gave her broke ass a chance a year later to rent one of his places when she was probably desperate after fights with her last roomate and breaking up with yet another ex. he never could understand why i would never speak to or of my ex... .but now brother she is smearing his ass. it's sad. but i bet soon he'll realize who she is after he helped her out.

the sad thing to me is that i was holding out hope that my ex would explode yet again and then move out. kind of like a cloud lifting from my block. but she was saying there weren't other places to move or she would have left already. still, i'm holding out hope that when she starts abusing her current live-in bf enough that things will get bad enough that she'll be forced to go. in any case though, i suppose i'm lucky to have gone this long with little to no contact. i'm happy with how i handled things, i just had to write this out

[enlighten me]

Good for you Goldy

I wish I could avoid mine but we have a son together. Im waiting for her to get her next victim so that I can unfriend her on FB. I have to keep it open as its the only way she will communicate with me about our son. Unfriending her will seem petty to her and cause dramas so I just have to stick it out with her name popping up every now and again.

Still Ive no intention of trying to get back with her and don't initiate any communications so its not that bad.

[Mutt]

That must of been awkward goldylamont. She's split the landlord black. Something happened for her to do that. She may be moving out or it could be a disagreement about something else. As you already know she's distorting and only the landlord truly knows.


I can relate. I have to see my ex due to kids. I see her in an entirely different light now. I clearly see the dysfunctions and there's a sadness to that. She doesn't know.

[goldylamont]

thanks guys for reading. i know the story wasn't so dramatic, yet it is all still kind of difficult to deal with. to be honest my heart sank a little bit when she mentioned that they were trying to move out but couldn't find another place--the rental market here has gotten very competitive over the last couple years. i'm sure the landlord now has been bitten by her fangs and wishes he could get her out too... .but seems he is stuck. i guess i just have to hope for a hail mary that when she pushes her current bf over the edge maybe he can be justified in kicking her out or maybe she'll just have to leave town once everyone figures her out. i'm just going to continue laying low and hoping we can continue avoiding each other. i can see her smearing someone else already and i want no part of it. what's funny to me is that she's simultaneously saying she can't find anywhere else to live that is affordable, yet claims that her current rent is too high and the place is in poor condition. i've never heard complaints from his other tenants. and if her rental deal was so bad then it should be easy to find a better place to live. at any rate, that's not my problem. it's just annoying that she may be sticking around longer than i thought if she wages war against this landlord.

[Tolou]

goldy kudos  to you for doing what was best for  you. I have been n.c. 13 months and I see at work a few times a week. it is sad that  I pay her no mind as if she doesn't exist but  I am not being cruel I am doing what is best for my health. and like  you should she ever initiate contact hopefully  I wish to approach it with simple and short responses keeping off a personal  level! Good for you

[Mutt]

That's what we're here for. To vent to each other because we understand the difficulties with a high conflict personality / personality disorder. Good strategy with keeping your head down.

it's just annoying that she may be sticking around longer than i thought if she wages war against this landlord.

Only time will tell.

[goldylamont]

Mutt you are right, only time will tell. And just wanted to thank all of you again for reading, i just needed to get it out.  i'll keep you posted if anything else comes up, hopefully things will stay quiet.

[AwakenedOne]

i guess i just have to hope for a hail mary that when she pushes her current bf over the edge maybe he can be justified in kicking her out or maybe she'll just have to leave town once everyone figures her out.

[myself]

That felt kind of tense just reading about it, thinking how I'd feel in such a situation, but you handled it well and sound clear about how you're seeing things. Two worlds not colliding, this time. It's weird enough knowing my ex lives in a nearby town. The same block? Triggering. So I hope for your sake your ex does move away. It sounds like living near a leaky reactor. But your protective suit is working well enough. Extra confidence now?